Photo by April Pethybridge

You can dive with the sharks and see some amazing marine creatures at the Sea Life Aquarium and meet some cool animals at the Taronga Zoo or the Wild Life Sydney Zoo. They even have a few theme parks to enjoy. Just find the nearest suitcase storage locker in Sydney to drop off your backpacks and heavy bags before going. 

Photo by David Clode

Animal Parks

• Taronga Park Zoo

The zoo is a blast for everyone no matter their age and Taronga Zoo has over 5,000 animals in 350 different species. Opened in 1916, this zoo has 69 acres of fun from the Asian elephant exhibit to the tiger trek and you don’t want to miss the wild ropes course. Be sure to stop and get souvenirs at the gift shop. 

• Wildlife Sydney Zoo

For a more intimate zoo trip, the Wildlife Sydney Zoo has a bunch of endangered Australian animals including the Aussie Big Five. The big five include the koala, kangaroo, Tasmanian devil, quokka, and the echidna, which is the oldest mammal on earth. They also have a numbat named Frankie who was saved by Project Numbat.

• Featherdale Wildlife Park

Winner of the Major Tourist Attraction, this park is popular with superstars like Matt Damon, Robert DeNiro, Gwen Stefani, and Leonardo DiCaprio. You can meet the animals with a quokka encounter, croc deck visit, walk through lorikeet aviary, or help with a kangaroo feeding. They even have koala encounters. 

Photo by TJ Fitzsimmons

Fish and Reptiles

• Sea Life Aquarium

If you would rather see some marine animals, you and the kids will love Sea Life Aquarium. Some of the exhibits include Pig the Dugong, shark valley, the penguin expedition, and the discovery rockpool. See jellyfish, turtles, rays, and vibrant colored tropical fish, and then get some souvenirs at the gift shop. 

• Discovery Whale Watching Cruise

See the wildlife out in their own habitat on a whale watching cruise. There are six different cruises to choose from. The two-hour speedboat tour gets you out there in a hurry, but they slow down and let you get pics when you find a pod. The four-hour luxury cruise includes in-depth info and an open bar.  

• Australian Reptile Park

For croc lovers, the Australian Reptile Park has a plethora of attractions to enjoy. Elvis the crocodile is always home, or you can go see Ploddy the diplodocus. Spider world and the Komodo dragon exhibit are exciting, and the alligator lagoon is full of toothy gators. Don’t miss the platypus house and frog hollow. 

Photo by Annie Spratt

Theme Parks

• Luna Park

Luna Park has been open since 1935 and they are open all year long. They boast 23 park rides and four roller coasters, and the Midway is the main section of the park with all the carnival games, rides, and food. The Super Shot drop tower is one of the most popular, but the Ferris wheel gives you a great view of the city.  

• Tree Tops Adventure Park 

Get out into the Australian bush and see things from up in the treetops with activities for kids and adults from three years and up. They have more than 100 obstacles like ziplines, cargo nets, tunnels, bridges, and rope ladders. There are four courses for the young kids and four courses for those 10 years and up. 

• VR Quest

Blast some aliens and zombies with your machine gun, race around a track on a bike or race car, or fly over Paris and Singapore on the VR Sled. VR Quest is Australia’s first VR theme park. Kids five and up can enjoy a boxing workout, play Belly Bots or Fruit Ninja, and go to Candyland, or ride with Santa through the skies. 

Photo by madeleine ragsdale

Beaches 

• Balmoral Beach

Protected from the wind and waves, the waters at Balmoral Beach are perfect for families with little ones. You can all go swimming or rent some equipment for kayaking, snorkeling, or paddleboarding. Or just enjoy the sandy beach and sunny skies with some fish ‘n’ chips from a nearby concession stand.

• Manly Beach

This is a fantastic beach for surfers or for those who just want to watch since it is Australia’s most famous surfing beach. They also have a long promenade with restaurants, bars, and small shops to explore. Or get some snorkeling equipment and check out the beautiful coral reef and tropical fish.

• Bondi Beach

Another great surfing beach, Bondi is actually the Aboriginal word for surf. The nearby headlands are the perfect spot to see some whales and dolphins between May and November. You can also see fairy penguins here swimming around. Also nearby are award-winning eateries and great shops for souvenirs. 

Photo by April Pethybridge

Fun Museums

• Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum

Get some selfies with the late Steve Irwin, famous croc hunter at Madame Tussaud’s. See superheroes Spiderman, Iron Man, Batman, and Superman. And strike a pose with Taylor Swift, Adele, Pink, or Keith Urban. You can even get selfies with E.T, Marilyn Monroe, Queen Elizabeth II, or the Dalai Lama. 

• Australian Museum

Opened in 1827, Australia’s first museum is also one of the most interesting according to the local kids. From anthropology to zoology, you and the kids can learn about everything from ancient humans to zebras. The little ones will be in awe of the T-Rex and other giant beasts and will even get a chance to dress up like one. 

• Ripley’s Believe it or Not

When you want to see something strange, odd, or fascinating, Ripley’s is the place to go. See how you measure up next to the tallest man, 8’11” Robert Wadlow, check out some real shrunken heads and get some cool shots of undersea mysteries. The World of Illusions will really stretch your imagination. 

Who doesn’t need happiness these days? That’s why you need to visit Byron Bay, a coastal town in Australia. If you head over to Google, you will see that Byron Bay looks like a slice from heaven itself, so what’s stopping you from stuffing your belongings and heading over to Byron Bay?

Although Byron Bay is a small town near Australia’s coast, it’s ideal for spending some time away from people to enjoy quality time with your family. This will act as a pleasant memory that you and your family will cherish years from now. 

Why Choose Byron Bay, Australia?

Rightfully so, it’s necessary to shine some light on this town’s specialties and local attractions that make it unique. Initially, Byron Bay was discovered by surfers wandering in the ocean. Still, soon it became a magnet for backpackers who’d spend anywhere from weeks to months relishing in its marvelous beaches.

Byron Bay is famous for its enormous lighthouse, one that can be easily seen from far away. This luscious site isn’t the only thing that should make you mark Byron Bay on your map as a travel destination, though.

Moving ahead, this town is an ideal place for surfers and swimmers. So, we suggest you pack your swimming gear and costumes while you’re at it. Or you can always buy one from the local shops. 

Speaking of local shops, Byron Bay has a plethora of colorful shops and dining places that act as a cherry on the top. Plus, this town has festivals all-year-round. You may want to visit soon if you’re looking forward to catching up with them.

We’re sure that you’re already thinking about the shirts you’ll pack by now, but have you thought about a place to stay? You wouldn’t want to spoil your vacation by ending up in a shabby place, would you?

Don’t worry; we’ve compiled this article just so you don’t have to shift your gears. We’ve listed 6 of the best Airbnbs that you can choose from.

Most Unique Airbnb in Byron Bay

If you’re asking for unique, then there’s no better place than The Treehouse. They’re providing several services that you just can’t ignore. 

This place is settled deep within the rainforest for starters, which is the perfect time for your family to spend some quality time together. 

The place looks like a treehouse, but it’s newly constructed, and you’ll find Corten Steel and glass almost everyone. This adds to the beauty of the place and makes it a delight for the eyes and soul.

Moreover, the Treehouse is a mere 8 minutes away from the beaches and restaurants of Byron Bay. 

Along with a spacious kitchen with an espresso machine, you will find a BBQ in a large deck, a dining area followed by a lounge, a bathroom, and a bedroom. 

The bedroom has a king-sized bed that can be converted into two singles, and with facilities like Air conditioner, washing machine, internet, TV, and much more, you won’t miss home one bit. The bathroom is supplied with Aesop products for your convenience, making this spot a desirable vacation destination. 

Most Cost-Effective Airbnb in Byron Bay

If you are looking for some relatively cheaper options, we have the Gypsy Villa. This private setting will remind you of an urban hotel that’s located in the heart of Byron Bay. 

Gypsy Villa, as the name explains, is a calm and peaceful place to say, and it has one of the finest decorations you can find at this price range. 

The bedrooms are spacious, and for your convenience and pleasure, there’s a Bali Bath located just outside that will ease your muscles and tensions away for good. Do you have any stresses that need to be taken care of? Well then, what’s stopping you from visiting Gypsy Villa?

This spot has a prime location in the property Cavvanbah, and the prices are economical, just so you can enjoy without having to worry about your leftover bank balance. 

You’ll have a pool, a BBQ spot to enjoy dinner with your friends or family, and since the location is ideal, you can easily access the most attractive destinations such as diving spots, cafes, shops, and much more. 

The second in line is Sunrise Byron Bay. It’s a lush, green place surrounded by greenery all around. It reminds you of old cottages that they used to talk about in folk. 

Although this place has a shared living space, it’s no less than any expensive one. The warm, loving feeling that the hosts will share with you will leave all your worries behind. You’ll find free WiFi, breakfast, a kitchen, a single bedroom with a bed, a swimming pool, and a gorgeous tropical courtyard that looks like heaven from afar.

Moreover, you can find a secret beach that’s only 15 minutes away from Sunrise Byron Bay. The place even has an in-house massage clinic and Spa treatments available for your added convenience. 

The best part is, everything is available at fair prices. To add to this, local attractions are only minutes away from you if you’re choosing to visit Sunrise Byron Bay.

Most Luxurious Airbnb in Byron Bay

By now, you’ve probably made a mental image of where you’d likely stay. But the Temple Farm House will leave you bewildered, and that’s a promise. This farmhouse is private, and it’s located in Byron Hinterland. 

The Temple Farm House is a work of art, with intricate designs and an authentic Australian taste; you will love to spend every single second of your vacation right here in this place. Temple Farmhouse has a total of 4 bedrooms, with each bedroom having its own separate bed for privacy. 

Upon entering the farmhouse, you will feel a different waft in the atmosphere, and the scenic beauty will engage your senses in no time. 

Moreover, you may even find wild Kangaroos roaming around in this place, which will add to your experience. Known as the finest Airbnbs in Byron Bay, the Temple Farm House is surrounded by greenery, and it’s the perfect opportunity for you and your family to retreat in a luxurious private setting in the palm of nature itself. 

For your convenience, a host by the name of Alita will tend to your needs. The place is spacious enough to settle in with ease, and while your kids play in the garden, you can take a dip in the pool. 

This place is a dream come true because it’s connected to essential spots in the town like restaurants, cafes, and entertainment hubs where you can enjoy to your heart’s content. 

The second most luxurious Airbnb in Byron Bay is Your Luxury Escape – The Retreat. The name alone cannot do justice to this establishment. 

Located at a hill in exclusive Cooper’s Shoot, every moment that passes by in this place is one to relish. If you’re attracted to Sunrises and Sunsets, this place will immediately grab your heart. Enjoy 360 views from morning to night and make your experience better with the exquisite furniture and furnishings that are lovely and attractive at the same time.

The Retreat is a place to find peace; it has gardens and a massive area overlooking the pool. After the sun sets, you can visit the Cinema room and watch a movie of your choice. 

For your convenience, they have arranged 5 luxurious bedrooms with 4 bathrooms, with 4 baths. The enormous rooms are supplied with comfy and high-quality beds so that you can relax at night after an exhaustive day full of entertainment. 

This place is no less than a dream since it has access to almost everything you may ever need. 

The Best Overall Airbnb in Byron Bay

If you’re searching for a place that’s cost-effective, luxurious, and unique, then there’s no place better than Seahaven. 

Here, every single day is worth appreciating. Located just below Byron Bay’s famous Lighthouse, Seahaven relishes itself as one of the town’s best travel spots. 

It’s connected to the vast ocean, which is a fantastic sight to see every single day. Imagine getting up to the sounds of splashing waves, and imagine soaking your body on the beach as the sun gawks in all its glory.

With a total of 2 bedrooms and 3 beds, you will find that the Egyptian linen is soft and gives an elite feel to your journey. Even though Seahaven has a single bath, you will adore the attention to detail and the decorations that make this place unique in its own way. The place is connected to relevant spots in Byron Bay that you’d visit at any time of the day. 

Can you imagine you and your family enjoying the sea breeze as it gently brushes your face? We’re sure that you’re excited to imagine this sight. So, what’s preventing you from visiting Seahaven? 

Did you know that there’s a bubblegum pink-colored lake in Western Australia, known as Lake Hillier? If that doesn’t have you packing your bags, then I’m sure the following list of 4 of the best Airbnbs in Perth and Western Australia will. Because let’s be honest, you will need a comfortable place to stay while you’re here.

Here are the most unique, cost effective, most luxurious, and overall best Airbnbs across Perth, Broome, Margaret River, and Western Australia.

Why Visit Perth and Western Australia?

Whether you’re looking for an adventure, a relaxing afternoon at the beach, or simply want to bond with the great outdoors away from the city’s hubble-bubble, Western Australia has got a little of everything for you. 

If we talk about Perth particularly, its magnificent beaches, exuberant gardens, hospitable locals, trendy shopping, and a myriad of new cafes opening up every other day, will have you never wanting to go back home! 

Having said that, no matter how breathtaking a place might be if you’re staying at a grubby rundown hotel, it takes away the joy from the trip. So, when planning a vacation, people do the first thing to book a fantastic place to stay. 

And to make things easier for you, we have compiled a list of Airbnbs for everyone. 

Most Unique Airbnb in Broome

Are you tired of conventional hotels with the same mainstream furniture and decor? Are you looking for something unique and unorthodox? If yes, then let us introduce you to The Treehouse in Broome. 

Situated in Western Australia’s Kimberley region, Broome is a beach resort, almost 1681 km from Perth. It is famous for being the best place to catch Sailfish. 

The Treehouse is located in Old Broome, which is a fascinating place in itself. As it is apparent from the name, it is a 2-bedroom living space built on a tree, ideal for a small family vacation. 

Both the bedrooms are connected by a shaded deck and an outdoor kitchen. The best thing about this uniquely designed house is the vast collection of antiques and distinctive art pieces placed randomly all around. It adds to the uniqueness of The Treehouse. 

Another thing that attracts tourists is the outdoor kitchen, laundry, and bathroom, from where you can have a spectacular view of the night sky. 

The Treehouse is surrounded by fascinating looking dwellings, which gives it a stunning view – a mix of the old and new. All the social places, including the airport, are within walking distance, so you can enjoy the scenery while strolling to the local club, restaurant, or cinema. If you wish to visit the beach, you can take a bus anytime. 

So, if you’re up for a multicultural experience, you know where to go! 

Most Cost-Effective Airbnb in Perth

If you’re looking for something beautiful yet inexpensive, we would recommend the Mullaloo Beach Haven. 

Located on the riverside of Perth, Mullaloo is a coastal suburb in the City of Joondalup. Mullaloo Beach is a famous tourist spot, and your vacation would be incomplete if you don’t visit this gorgeous beach. 

Mullaloo Beach Haven is a cozy one-bedroom apartment, which provides you with all the luxuries and comfort of your home. That too, at a relatively low price. It has a comfortable queen-sized bed and a sofa that can be folded into a bed, in case you’re bringing along your kids. 

A travel cot can be provided if you’ve got an infant. It is built according to the modern standards of today, with a private courtyard and barbeque. Also included is a fully functional kitchen and a lounge with a TV and DVD player. 

Although it is situated in a quiet neighborhood, all the daily necessities like grocery stores, bakery, and spa, are only a short walk away. The bus stop is a 5-minute walk away, from where you can go to the Westfield Whitfords Shopping Centre. There you’ll find a cinema, food court, restaurants, and bars. 

The beach is 15 minutes away on foot, However, if you choose to go by public transport, you can be there in 5 minutes. The beach’s main attraction is the dolphins, which can be seen in the calm ocean as the sun goes down. 

For a relaxing summer getaway on a budget, Mullaloo is the place to go. 

Most Luxurious Airbnb in Margaret River

If you’re well-to-do and up for a luxurious family trip to Perth, Luxury Retreat on Stunning Block is an ideal pick. 

This 600+ sq meter retreat is situated in Margaret River, which is famous for its breweries and wineries. It is home to captivating beaches, natural wonders, and landmarks. 

The Luxury Retreat on Stunning Block has been designed by an architect to accommodate almost 15 people. It has 7 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms, which are all beautifully decorated. Other attractions of this magnificent house are the 16-meter saltwater swimming pool with heating, the outdoor eating area, home cinema, cricket pitch, and lush gardens. So there is plenty to do for everyone. 

For a breathtaking view of the sunset, come out on the front deck at 5 pm. You don’t want to miss it! But that’s not all! For nature lovers, you will find kangaroos on the cricket pitch, early in the morning. So, for an all-in-one luxury experience, check out the availability of this retreat ASAP. 

The Overall Best Airbnb in Perth

If you’re looking for something unique, cost-effective, and luxurious, all at the same time, we would recommend the Modern Riverside Apartment with Pool. 

Located at the seaside suburb of South Perth, this apartment is the perfect getaway from Perth’s central business district. 

Modern Riverside is a fabulous two-bedroom apartment, with a pool and private patio. It is clean, spacious, and elegant, giving it a sophisticated look. There is lots of natural light and potted plants, making the environment bright and airy. 

Adding to the classy vibe is the poignant artwork displayed all over the place. It is the perfect blend of trendy with an earthy touch. 

So, if you want a quiet weekend away from the chaos of everyday life, you better head over to Modern Riverside and bask in the sunlight. I bet you’re already imagining yourself swinging on the hanging chair on your private deck. 

I first arrived in Australia back in 2004.

After flying in from Boston, my body and mind exhausted and weary from 20 hours of travel, I finally got to my Sydney hotel and called my future wife Holly — the woman I was madly in love with & traveled halfway around the world to see.

Me: “Here I am. I made it!”
Holly: “So, what do you think so far?!”
Me: “Pretty cool so. But let me get this straight… Down here, Burger King is called ‘Hungry Jacks’? What the hell is up with that?”

And that, my friends, is the perfect metaphor to sum up the differences between Australia and The United States of America. The two cultures are just a little bit different; but these differences are big enough that you definitely notice them.

The fact is, when I first arrived, I was struck at how similar it was to the US. It’s not like I had never been outside of America — far from it. And it’s not like I expected to to see kangaroos riding emus or anything like that.

It was just that, after months of anticipation and 24 straight hours of travel, I just expected Australia to be, well…different. After all, I was on the other side of the freaking world! (Not to mention in a different hemisphere.)

But from what I could tell, there really weren’t any major cultural differences between Aussies and Americans; at least not at first glance.

Sydney was a clean, bustling city. Not unlike Manhattan, Chicago, or San Francisco. People looked the same. They moved the same. They acted the same. They talked a bit different, but hell, it was still English. Maybe it was the jet lag, but I remember thinking I had traveled all this way for a slightly friendlier & warmer version of the US.

What I quickly came to realize, however, is all the little things that make Australia such a special place.

?? RECOMMENDED AUSSIE READING ??
– World’s Largest Dictionary of Australian Slang
– Beginners’ Guide to Visiting Australia
– Visa Free Countries for Australian Passport Holders
– Uncommon Sydney Activities
– Top Reasons to Move to Melbourne

Over the nine months I lived down under, it dawned on me that there isn’t one single reason I love Australia so much. I fell completely in love with the country and its people for a whole bunch of smaller reasons.

Australia has been called many things, among them “The Lucky Country.” I couldn’t agree more.

• This is a country that never had to fight for its independence, but rather were handed the keys by Britain, the most powerful country in the world at the time.
• A country with a natural, shark-infested moat that extends for thousands of miles in nearly all directions.
• A country blessed with copious amounts of natural wealth; fantastic weather, beaches and natural beauty, not to mention bountiful natural resources and rare-earth minerals

The result is an affluent, well-educated, carefree, happy, healthy & proud culture that appreciates life and shines their beacons of brightness towards anyone willing to listen. It’s as if they managed to retain the best traits of the British people (work ethic, humor, calmness, modesty, and of course music, drinking, and playing music while drinking) while managing to get rid of the worst (pessimism, obsession with money & class, etc.)

Remember that sunny optimism that Americans are “famous for”, but you haven’t really seen much of in the past 10 years?

Australians have it.

And for good reason, too: Alongside cities in New Zealand, Switzerland, and Canada, Australia’s five major cities are continuously ranked in the World’s Top Ten Best Cities to Live. And if you factor in weather, which these studies never do because it’s “subjective”, Aussie cities are all pretty much the best in the world, period.

One of the first things I noticed is the friendliness. In Silicon Valley, people are generally friendly, but it’s a bit fake and self-serving. New York and the east coast? Ha! Fugghetabatit. The Midwest & South are probably the friendliest parts of the US, but even there it’s hit & miss.

Throughout Australia, people generally approach each other with smiles and trust — and it’s all genuine. Whether in the cities or in the “bush” (rural countryside), Aussies are on par with the friendliest people in the world. This fact hits you right away.

Another thing that hits you right away is the quality of food and drinks. The entire food system is catered not towards quantity, but towards quality. The central markets, the restaurants, the corner markets, the food stalls, the home-cooked meals, everything. Food generally tastes fuller & richer, and is of a higher quality than what you find in most of the US. Beef, veggies, chicken, especially the eggs… The difference is palpable. It’s a combination of higher quality standards, but more importantly a lower tolerance & demand for shitty food. This is a nation of foodies. They eat well, drink well, and enjoy the good life.

Now to be fair, America has plenty of good food & wine as well, but it’s primarily enjoyed in specific pockets of the country, and even then it’s primarily enjoyed by the upper classes. It’s not built into the structure of the system like it is in Australia. This is one of my favorite things about the country. And don’t even get me started on the differences between American and Australian coffee. (My first job in Australia was actually as coffee shop barista. Boy do they take their coffee seriously! I have no idea why they hired me. The entire experience completely blew my mind.)

I don’t mean to give the impression that every aspect of Australian culture is superior to America’s — that is not the case at all. The Australian tech scene is nowhere near where it is in the US (let alone where it is in Silicon Valley). This especially bothers me because I work for a California tech company.

Take e-commerce, for example. Like shopping online? Me too! Well sorry, the Australian experience is a disgrace. Major retailers have abysmal e-commerce engines. Amazon doesn’t even ship most goods there. And if small local retailers have their own website, it’s considered a miracle. The entire society seems to be about 2-4 years behind the US in terms of tech adoption, and I have no idea why. It’s absolutely pathetic as far as I’m concerned. However like I said, as we speak Australia is building an enormous, nationwide broadband network that should help kick things into high gear.

One of the most important cultural differences is with the politics. On the whole, Aussies are much more progressive and liberal than Americans. The entire political discourse is on a much higher level than it is in the US. Sure Australia has a left wing party and a right wing party, with different ideas about the proper role of government in society, just like any western democracy does. But they also have a good-sized green party, which is unheard of in the United States. Because they have a Parliamentary system of politics, this means coalitions with “the greens” must be formed in order to pass legislation.

The average US Republican would probably be considered far to the right of the majority of people in Australia. The average US Democrat would probably be considered a centrist. And the average far-right, Limbaugh-loving dittohead would be so far off the political map it’s not even funny.

You think I’m exaggerating? The main democratic party is called the “Labor party”, and the main conservative party is the “Liberal party”. Yes, you read that correctly — the Republican party in Australia is called the Liberal party. (They aren’t kidding about everything being upside-down.)

But it needs to be said: Australia has an extremely effective, well-run government & economy. Like Dan Holliday says here, the numbers just don’t lie. While American politicians spend their time debating whether or not climate change is real or whether Obama’s birth certificate was forged, Australia has passed a carbon tax, a mining tax, is investing in new schools, construction and in a massive, country-wide broadband network.

Don’t get me wrong, the country isn’t without its problems. But they pale in comparison to what other western countries are facing right now. While the US and other countries struggle with lost decades, Australia essentially completely avoided the global recession, and is considered to have one of the strongest economies in the world.

The reason for this is that Australians have managed to do something Americans have not — keep capitalism in check.

They have a strong, robust economy, sure. But they also understand there is a limit to lassiez faire economics; and that limit is best kept in check by a strong central government. This combination of a strong private sector and a competent, responsible government is truly palpable, and translates directly to the culture.

You feel it in all aspects of society… It means:

• A higher standard of living
• High purchasing power
• Lower unemployment
• Better safety nets & social services
• More intelligent people working in government
• More trust that government will do things right
• More vacation time
• Less special interest groups & political corruption
• Better healthcare
• Less anxiety about the future, and
• Just an overall healthier, happier society.

For example, one of the big places this is felt is in media — specifically news & radio. I’m a huge music fan, and as any American who isn’t a 7th grade girl can tell you, American radio sucks. It’s just absolutely horrible. Everyone seems to know this, and yet nobody can do anything about it. Why? Because Clear Channel owns the fucking airwaves! And they’re still losing money! (Uh-oh, better de-regulate some more so they can get out of the red!)

Australia’s news & radio stations on the other hand are fantastic — there is more public ownership, they give you real, unbiased news with no BS & great music. Check out Triple-J radio, which is publicly owned by ABC — the Australian Broadcasting Corporation.

Now, many people have called Australia a “racist” country. While I wouldn’t go that far, I will say that Australia is by far one of the whitest countries I have ever been to, and while most people are friendly (as stated above) there is a brewing undercurrent of racism that is beginning to rear its ugly head… It’s a mixed bag and a difficult topic to cover in one essay.

So, what causes all these cultural differences?

I’ve thought about this a lot, and at the end of the day, I really think what drivesmany of the differences between Australians and Americans is one simple thing: population.

When you look at a map, Australia seems like a big country. Size-wise it certainly is — it’s about the same size as the continental US. But Australia has just 22 millionpeople, and maybe 7-10 major cities, depending on where you draw the line. Compare this to 314 million people in the US. (There is currently a hot debate over how big they should let the population get. Check out the “Big Australia” policy for further reading).

But in the meantime, you have a country with far fewer people than the US. This smaller population means it’s much, much easier to have and maintain a well-oiled machine. Things are more in control, there is more trust & less outcry when changes need to be made.

An Aussie mate of mine once put it this way: “Look, it’s not that we don’t have crazy people here in Australia, it’s just that nobody bloody listens to them! I mean if someone gets on TV and says something stupid, everybody makes fun of them and the next day it’s all forgotten. But when that happens in America, the next day you have millions of dollars pouring in from all these groups. Suddenly they’re buying airtime. Suddenly you have a Tea Party. Out here we wouldn’t let idiots on the air for too long, because who wants to hear what an idiot has to say? In America, they’re given their own bloody shows!”

Aussies just do what makes sense, particularly with regard to politics. They care much less about principles for their own sake, and much more about outcomes. They don’t buy homes they can’t afford using zero-down interest-only loans, because it wouldn’t make sense. And the banks would never offer them, because they are responsible. And they are responsible because they know the Government wouldn’t bail them out.

In the past twenty years, the Government has introduced a VAT (known as the Goods & Services TAX, or GST) and got rid of the penny. Sure, a few people complained. And maybe there were a few upset groups. But there weren’t millions of Wal-Mart lobbying dollars fueling “Save The Penny” campaigns.

There was no enormous political outcry over a value-added tax, no claims of “big gub’mint” interfering in their lives, because Aussies see that it benefits everyone. No big deal, no reason to freak out, they did it because it just made sense.

But enough about political culture. Perhaps one of the most important cultural differences are those that have to do with the environment. Aussies are more environmentally conscious than Americans. The streets are cleaner, littering is truly frowned upon, people recycle more, they use less water, create less waste…

I remember my first time in an Australian movie theater — I was thinking how odd it was that nobody was stuffing their face with 40-oz tubs of popcorn, and also howclean the theater was upon exiting after the movie was over. I also remember my wife’s first time in a US theater — she couldn’t believe how people left their trash everywhere. “Why wouldn’t you just clean up after yourself?” she asked me. I couldn’t answer her. And I was embarrassed for my country. Her entire outlook on life, her entire mentality is fundamentally different than the American one. It’s the little things…

(Note: I had a paragraph here about firearms & America’s gun culture here, but I deleted it. This is something that has affected me on a personal level, as it does with tens of thousands of Americans each year. But I want to keep the tone of this piece generally positive for now, and if I get into guns it will get very dark.)

Of particular interest to me is the Australian Inferiority Complex. I think it stems from a having a big landmass along with a low population, and the nation’s relative isolation in relation to much ofthe rest of the world. These factors combine to give Aussies a subconscious mentality that says, “We’re here, we’re big, we’re happy, we’re living well, and we have a beautiful country. So how come nobody knows about us?!” (Kind of like the short kid at the back of the class with his hand stretched high, wanting the teachers attention. Nobody pays much attention, but he’s a happy little kid all the same.)

But every time I go back to Australia I notice something small, and it usually brings a smile to my lips. Last year I was caught in an infamous Sydney downpour, which soaked my wife and I to the bone. Upon returning to the house we were staying at, I collected our wet clothes to put in the dryer. Before I could do so, however, my aunt-in-law told me not to worry about running a load — she would just put them on the clothesline outside tomorrow… “Sure,” I replied.

Using a clothesline to dry clothes — of course. What a concept! Not because they have to, not necessarily because it’s better for the environment, but because why turn the dryer on for just a few items? Because you can’t improve on nature. Because sun-dried clothes just smell better. Because it’s not like you need either of those shirts tomorrow. Because it makes sense. Because why the hell not.

That’s the mentality I’m talking about.

A few years ago I read about some residents in some city in Silicon Valley actually objecting to apartment residents mounting clotheslines, and petitioning the city council for a ban ordnance. Their complaint said it ‘made the neighborhood look like a third-world shanty town’.

This was one of the stupidest things I’d ever heard. But it turns out that Clothesline bans are actually fairly common in the US. That’s right folks, we have a right to own guns, but not clotheslines. Insane. (Check out “The Battle Over the Right to Dry”)

Australians know they have one of the driest countries in the world, with limited water resources and a very fragile ecosystem. They seem to understand this delicate balance, and what it means for their country and its future. They understand that what you do affects your neighbors, and vice-versa. They understand that A leads to B, which leads to C. At the end of the day, they understand that everything is related.

In my opinion, all of this ultimately results in a less selfish culture. Australians just care more more for the well being of their neighbors and fellow citizens. You see this in lots of European countries as well, but in Australia it feels different… There is a sense of mutual camaraderie; It feels more like a giant family, vs a country of 300+ million people only interested in themselves.

At the end of the day, Australia has plenty of statistics on it’s side. But statistics are only one way to measure a society. They don’t measure the little things, because there aren’t really many good ways to measure these little things. You just feel them. These things are tough to put into statistics, but easier to put into words.

Hopefully with this essay I’ve done just that.

*** Good news: This post has been published as a book! The Big Book of Australian Slang is now available for purchase on Amazon

LANGUAGE WARNING
Look mate: Cursing and saying inappropriate sh*t is big part of Aussie culture. There’s a lot in this list that may offend you. If you’re offended, get stuffed. If not, read on…

A

Ace

Fantastic, very good

Bloke 1: Ay mate you seen the latest season of Neighbours?

Bloke 2: Yeah mate. It’s f*cken’ ace.

Bloke 1: Bloody oath mate. Real tearjerker last night’s episode was mate. Put me in a state, couldn’t sleep for yonks just thinkin about it.

Advert

Short for advertisement.

Girl 1: You seen the latest AAMI advert? Ketut is back!

Girl 2: Oath, it’s a bloody ripper ain’t it?

Aerial ping pong

A somewhat derogatory way of referring to Australian Rules Football. As with other Australian idioms it makes very little practical sense. It refers to the way in which Australian Rules Football is dictated by long, high kicks of the ball to either side of the playing field—but technically regular pingpong is aerial too. The mind boggles…

Man: Yeah what can I say? I’m the star midfielder for the Calder Cannons. AFL clubs are lookin at me but for confidentiality reasons I can’t say which. Let’s just say there’s at least 5.

Woman: Ew, you play aerial pingpong? You’re a loser.

Aggro

“Aggressive” or “aggression.” Often associated with drinking.

You see Tommo stack it last night? He was super aggro. Just a pissed mess.

Airy fairy

When a sheila or bloke tries to explain something but makes no bloody sense while doing so. Vague.

Bloke 1: Mate I tried to track down where the closest servo in Bendigo was for a pack of Winnie blues but the copper’s response was all airy fairy and I ended up in Wollongong.

Bloke 2: F*ck mate, deadset?

Akubra

A brand of fully sick hats worn by true blue Aussie farmers.

Jackaroo: Oi, check out me new Akubra.

Jillaroo: I used to think you had a munted face and that I could never give ya a root. I see now the error of my ways.

All ears

To be open to whatever hectic idea one of your dumbass mates has. To listen to.

Mate 1: We only get 20 bucks between us and we need a slab. F*ck alright, I got a ripper of an idea.

Mate 2: I’m all ears cobber.

Mate 1: So there’s this bottle-o down the road sellin out of date piss for 20 bucks a slab. What ya reckon we go and suss it?

Mate 2: Oath.

All smiles

Someone who’s generally amicable, happy and pleasant to those in their company, even in spite of difficult circumstances.

Barry: Did ya hear about Steve mate? His missus f*ckin cheated on the poor bloke. But trooper that he is, still all smiles.

Sharon: Bloody ripper legend he is mate.

All the go

Something, usually an event or location, that is extremley popular, particularly among a specific demographic.

Sheila 1: I’ve heard the Zoo is all the go on a Friday night.

Sheila 2: The zoo? Are ya taking the piss?

Sheila 1: Nah mate, I hear the koalas got a bloody roarin’ drugs trade garn on in there. Selling eucalyptus leaves at a discount.

Shelia 2: You’re a deadset dickhead mate.

Always in the shit

Someone who is constantly in trouble.

Bloke 1: Ya hear the news? Bazza is in strife, might not even make it to his own piss-up!

Bloke 2: He’s a bloody legend isn’t he. Always in the shit but still puts on a belter of a party for us.

Amber fluid

Beer. Piss. Grog. Refers to the fact that most beer is amber and also a fluid.

Bloke 1: Oi. Oi drongo.

Bloke 2: What’s good c*nt?

Bloke 1: Feelin thirsty?

Bloke 2: Yeah mate f*ckin bit hot ay?

Bloke 1: Suss out some amber fluid at the pub I reckon.

Bloke 2: I reckon mate.Bloke 1: Oath.Bloke 2: Oath.

Ambo

Short for ambulance. Can sometimes also mean a paramedic.

Person 1: Sh*t mate. That looks f*cken nasty, what’d you do?

Person 2: Lost an arm wrestle with a f*cker built like a brick sh*thouse.

Person 1: Looks buggered mate.

Person 2: Yeah it’s cactus mate. Absolutely cactus.

Person 1: F*cken better call an ambo ay?

Person 2: Nah she’ll be right. After the footy I reckon.

Anchors

Brakes, for any sort of vehicle. Don’t forget to use em, you dickhead.

Car enthusiast 1: Check out the new anchors I modded on me car. Fully sick, got hectic yellow and pink fluro nitro gas coming out of em everytime I press em.

Car enthusiast 2: Oh mad, out the exhaust?

Car enthusiast 1: Nah cunt, right out the f*cking brakes! Suss this out. CRASH

Ankle Biter

A small child. Sometimes used as a derogatory term for an annoying young kid.

Can also refer to poisonous plants commonly found in the jungles of far north Queensland. Accidentally brushing up against these will leave you in agonizing pain.

Mate, can we get going already? These little ankle biters are full on.

Ant’s pants

Really good. Superb. Anything related to VB.

Drinking this here tinnie, in this here Ute, out in the GAFA, with you mad cunts, is the ant’s pants mate.

Any tic of the clock

Something that is bound to happen soon. Any minute now.

Watching Prime Minister presser: Oi, ScoMo is gonna say something funny. Any tick of the clock now mate. *How good is having the rugby back?* Hahahahahaha. On ya bike ScoMo.

Apples

Similar to ‘right’, ‘fine’ or ‘Jake.’

Girl 1: Do ya reckon we should stop her? She’s already through half that sack of goon, the clothesline won’t stop landing on her.

Girl 2: Nah, she’ll be apples mate.

Girl 3: *MUNTS* Girl 2: See?

ARIA

Stands for Australian Record Industry Award and is the most meaningful music award known to Australian’s. So yeah, not very meaningful.

Bloke 1: Dean Lewis took home 3 ARIA’s the other night. I reckon he only got ‘em cos his song uses the word mate.

Bloke 2: He’s a bit of a poofta isn’t he. If I was on the panel I woulda given some to AC/DC.

Bloke 1: They don’t even have a new album mate.

Bloke 2: Yeah, nah Back in Black is as good as new mate.

Arse

Ass, rear-end, gluteus maximus — but pronounced with a drawl.

Taronga Zoogoer: Check out the arse on that baboon mate. That thing’s built like a brick sh*thouse.

Arse about

To just be plain wrong. To have done something ridiculously, inexplicably, incorrect.

Girlfriend to boyfriend: I know I told you to look fresh, but mate, those Ugg Boots combined with those Vegemite trackies is just arse about. I reckon I might have to give ya the sack.

Arse into gear

To step it up, to put in some hard yakka after lazing around, often with the goal of finishing said yakka with a hard-earned coldie.

Bloke to spider exterminator: Get ya arse into gear mate, still found at least thirteen huntsmen in the loo alone.

Spider exterminator: F*cken fair call mate, just let me finish me tinnie and I’ll hop to it.

Arse over tit

Upside down, rolling, flipped. Used in both a physical and metaphorical sense.

Bloke 1: Crikey Bazza’s piss-up is full of animals. Every bloke is skulling piss and going arse over tit. I reckon a fair few of these c*nts would have a few kangaroos loose in the top paddock.

Arsey

Essentially Aussie slang for arsehole. Because, you know, we gotta have a short-hand for everything. Someone that is rude, difficult to deal with it. Not a True Blue Aussie.

Sheila 1: Dazza wouldn’t run up to the serve to pick me up some Marlboro reds. He’s a fucken arsey sometimes is Dazza.

Sheila 2: Oi, nah don’t crack the sh*ts mate he’s alright. Here, ya can pinch one of me Winnie Blues for now.

Arvo

Afternoon. Not to be confused with Avo.

Coincidentally, Arvo is also the name of the font used on this site.

Oi, you wanna grab some tinnies this arvo?

As busy as a cat burying shit

 If you saw a cat burying sh*t, you probably would be best-advised to not interrupt it. Very busy.

Person 1: Oi sheila you coming over to Bazza’s piss-up?

Person 2: Yeah nah mate, I’m as busy as a cat burying sh*t. Gotta get me ute fixed up cause some deadsh*t put petrol in it when the f*cker runs on diesel.

Person 1: Deadset?

Person 2: Yeah, fair dinkum dumbc*nts some blokes are.

As cross as a frog in a sock

Imagine how pleased a wild frog would be upon being captured and forcibly restrained in a stinky, old man’s sock. Not sure why this specific metaphor was used or how many Aussies actively practice placing frogs in socks, but hey who cares? It’s Australia mate. Angry, mad.

Teenager: Nah, so, legit man, I chucked a snag into that vego neighbour’s backyard. He cracked the sh*ts man.

Teenager 2: Yeah I reckon mate. He woulda been as cross as a frog in a sock.

Teenager: Hahaha bloody hell mate. I’m gonna get walloped I reckon.

As mean as cat’s piss

Though I’m not convinced the meanness of cat’s piss is a quantifiable product, it goes without saying that it’s probably pretty bloody mean. Untoward, mean, particularly from a fiscal perspective.

Gazza: Oi Bruce, it’s your round mate. Get us a Furphy.

Bazza: Yeah chuck us a f*cken Toohey’s mate. Pint of the piss.

Bruce: What are you blokes talken about. It ain’t my round. This is a f*cken stitch-up. A fair dinkum stitch-up. Youse are scum.

Bazza: Nah c*nt it ain’t.

Gazza: Yeah Bruce mate sometimes you’re as mean as cat piss. Be a true blue Aussie and do it for the boys.

At the drop hat

Quickly, often without thought.

Person 1: Mate I’ll drink a half-open can of VB at the drop of a hat. Don’t give a toss if half of it is roo piss if the other half is the good type of piss.

Aussie

The proper term for anything Australian. Can be a noun or a verb.

Always pronounced like ‘Ozzie,’ with a hard ‘z’ sound. Never with an ‘s’ sound.

Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi oi oi!

That old cobber’s got a pack of Tooey’s in his ute, just like a real Aussie bloke should.

Aussie Salute

Swatting flies away with your hand.

Bloke 1: Was up in Brisbane. They had mozzies the size of galahs.

Bloke 2: You get bit at all?

Bloke 1: Yeah, gave ’em the Aussie salute but it did f*ck all.

Avo

Avocado. Not to be confused with Arvo.

It’s unclear whether or not Australia actually invented Avocado Toast, or as they call it, “Smashed Avo.” But the avocado toast homeownership meme has its roots in Australia, when millionaire real estate developer Tim Gurner famously declared on 60 Minutes Australia that the reason millennials cannot afford homes is because they spend all their money on “fancy coffee and avocado toast.”

And to this day, Australia unquestionably has the widest variety of avocado toast dishes in the world (not to mention the highest prices!)

Sheila 1: You having smashed avo for brekkie?

Sheila 2: Yeah nah…it’s $28 and I’m trying to save up for a flat.

Awning over the toy shop

A man’s gut that has been finely curated through years of excessive stubby consumption. A beer belly. In this glorious piece of Aussie slang, the toy shop represents a man’s private region. Makes sense right? Thought so.

Beachgoer: Crikey mate checks out the awning over your toy shop. Dunno if Budgie smugglers are the way to go for you mate, might need to cover the big fella up.

B

B & S

A rowdy party held in rural Australia for bachelors and spinsters (singles). Generally aimed at young adults. Originally a formal event, the advent of tinder has forced these gatherings to degrade into a night of mayhem, sex and drugs.

Editor’s note: This is NOT a bad thing.

Bloke 1: Headed to the B&S in Sheppo mate?

Bloke 2: Yeah oath mate. Looking to commit some crimes mate?

Bloke 1: Bloody oath mate. Hope there aren’t any coppers there.

Bloke 2: Yeah, nah mate. No coppers mate, got me oldies to make a call and tell em there was a bloke with 3 grams of marijuana all the way in Echuca. They took the whole squad with em to suss it out.

Bloke 1: You beauty!

Back hander

Contrary to common usage, a backhander is referring to a bribe, or money being exchanged under the table.

Aussie to American: Yeah bloody oath the cop was gonna fine me! But I gave him a good backhander and he smiled, waved and went on his way.

American: You did WHAT?

Back of beyond

Think about where beyond is. It’s pretty f*cken far, right? Well then, think about what’s back of that. Something so remote that I am not convinced it actually exists.

Bruce: Oi mate did ya hear about what’s garn’ on in Kiwirrkurra? It’s so far back of beyond that there are Bunyips that live there, deadset just out in the open. Walking around into pubs and shit.

Back of Bourke

This phrase is based off a town called Bourke located in New South Wales which is very remote. Used to describe anywhere that is difficult and undesirable to get to—AKA 90% of Australia.

Person 1: Mate where the f*ck we going?

Person 2: F*cked if I know mate, these directions just say ‘go down the road’ and we’ll find it.

Person 1: Sounds like a classic stitch-up to me.

Person 2: Mate we’re gonna end up at the back of bourke. I’m gonna be ropeable.

Person 1: Ropeable? Sh*t mate that’s heavy.Person 2: F*ck it. Let’s just go to the nearest boozer.

Bad trot

A period of time where someone is experiencing a continual run of poor luck or performance.

Bowler 1, sledging: Mate you’re in a right bad trot aren’t ya? Scored a total of 20 over ya last 25 innings, pretty bad stuff mate.

Batsman: Yeah mate. It’s cos I rock up to every game deadset sloshed, so I couldn’t really give a f*ck.

Baffle with bullshit

An alternate way of convincing someone about or to do something than the usual method of, you know, making sense. To confuse someone so much they have no option but to go along with whatever you’re saying.

Bloke: Yeah, nah mate I deadset believe that lizard people rule the world and here’s why. The hard yakka is done by bugger all pollys but by the True Blue Strayan blokes and sheilas, and blueys have really small limbs whereas humans are built like a brick sh*thouse. You ever seen a brick doin an office job mate? Fair dinkum rubbish it is mate. So yeah, pretty convincing I reckon, don’t you?

Bloke 2: You sure you haven’t been baffled with bullsh*t mate? Ya sound like a drongo.

Bloke: Yeah, nah mate. Proof’s in the pudding mate. Anyone who can’t see it’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic I reckon.

Bag ‘o fruit

Another rendition of famous Australian rhyming slang, renowned for always being logical and easy to understand. Means ‘a man’s suit’.

Girlfriend to boyfriend: You clean up well in that bag ‘o fruit, for a dag.

Bag (you old)

Someone that is old, wrinkly and generally unpleasant. Often emits a foul odour.

Schoolkid: Bro what the fuck? Miss just gave me a detention for sneezing?

Schoolkid 2: That’s deadset cooked mate. She’s an old bag

Schoolkid 1: Oath mate.

Bagging someone

To make fun of or perform a little light bullying on someone.

Sarah: James mate ya missus told me you’re sh*thouse in bed.

James: Yeah nah mate she’s tellin furphies.

Rachael: Yeah, nah James mate she told me the same thing. Reckons ya got a small one on ya.

Sarah: As long as you know how to use it, she’ll be apples though James mate. No dramas.

James: You’re deadset drongos, the both of ya.

Rachael: Oi nah Sez mate we shouldn’t go around bagging someone like this. The sh*t we’re saying is nowhere near offensive enough. *turns to look at James* You’re f*cked mate.

Bail out

To get out of a situation, often in a state of anger, displeasure or disgust. Also refers to getting someone else out of a sticky situation.

He was so pissed off at me for drinking his piss that he bailed out of the cricket match!

I bailed him out of the doghouse.

Bali belly

The result of eating one too many dinners and sinking one too many beers in Bali — getting an upset stomach.

Aussie bloke: UGH. Mate these exotic restaurants give me the worst bali belly.

Aussie sheila: Exotic? Mate, ya had a f*cken fillet-o-fish from Maccas. Settle down.

Balls and all

Slang for everything. And I mean… everything.

Ute driver: Yeah deadset the coppers didn’t just want me license mate, they were after the balls and all. Crazy sh*t mate, all I did was spraypaint ‘f*ck Pigs’ on me bonnet.

Balls up

Tits up. sh*t’s hit the fan. Something has gone wrong, usually a plan or task that has been failed.

Aerial pingpong fan: Mate, this season’s gone balls up. Reckon we might even finish last on the ladder. Not good.

Bloke: Mate, ya finished bottom last season too. How can it go balls up if youse were sh*t to begin with?

Banana bender

Someone who hails from Queensland. Refers to the state’s large banana farms that supply bananas to other, banana-less states.

Person 1: Nah not a local mate. Moved from Brissy when I was eighteen to come to RMIT.

Person 2: Ah, so you’re a banana bender are ya? Dunno if we can be mates.

Person 1: Don’t be a mongrel mate, that’s racist.

Person 2: Yeah, nah. Just smart.

Bananas

Though one might expect this to be in reference to the popular fruit commonly grown in Queensland, this can also mean: crazy, or insane.

Kid 1, during class presentation: and then… the monkey went bananas for a banana!

Teacher: get the f*ck out of my classroom and never come back.

Banged up

Something that has been in the wars. A bit old, a bit damaged, a bit sh*t — but always got a story to tell.

Sports fan: I know that Gregsy is a bit banged up and a bit past his use by date but he’s still a tough little bugger isn’t he?

Bangers

Sausages. Also, tunes that are so rhythmically friendly they almost force you to dance. Usually electronic.

Bloke 1: Oi you checked out this banger?

Bloke 2: Yeah this new Ed Sheeran tune is a tune mate. A tune and a half even.

Bloke 1: No it’s f*cken not. I meant the Bunnings snags mate. Ed Sheeran? Are you some kind of poofta?

Bang on the knocker

This saying means right on the money, bang on. Not just correct, but fair dinkum correct.

Father: Alright mate which would ya prefer? Byron Bay crafty Ale infused with 13% orange peel, or a tinnie of VB.

Son: Fuckin’ VB c*nt.

Father: Oath mate, that choice is bang on the knocker.

Barbie

Barbeque.

American: G’day mate. Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie!

Aussie: We call ’em prawns here you stitch up.

American: Sorry, guess I’m not a true blue.

Barbed wire

XXXX gold beer, because the 4X logo looks like those nasty buggers on barbed wire that’ll cut you open.

Jim: Oi Bazza, pass us a barbed wire would ya mate?

Bazza: Say the magic word Jim, f*cks sakes.

Jim: Sorry mate. Oi Bazza, pass us a barbed wire would ya c*nt?

Bazza: No dramas mate.

Barney

To have an argument, usually over something trivial.

Sheila: Yeah so me and Baz had this barney. I told him to get stuffed so he bailed out and ended up lobbing into Bruce’s. Fair dinkum wanker Baz is sometimes.

Sheila 2: Yeah mate I know. Hate the Baz.

Barrack

To support, usually in reference to a sporting team.

Parents meeting child’s partner for first time: So who do you barrack for mate? We’re big Storm fans over here, and we don’t mind a bit of the mighty Demons if you follow aerial pingpong.

Partner: Oh, I barrack for the Rabbitohs mate.

Parents: Fair dinkum?

Partner: Yeah mate.

Parents: No dramas mate.

Partner: …

Parents: Yeah piss off out of our house dickhead.  

Barry crocker

When ya’ve really had a sh*t one. To completely f*ck something up, or do really poorly at something, particularly sport or a public address. Slang for shocker, because they rhyme.

Basketball player: Mate I just pulled the trigger on the three, and I tell ya what, I was feeling good as, but mate, it was a deadset barry crocker. Didn’t even touch the rim. All the sheilas had a right ol pisser at me.

Bash

To violently assault. Often applicable to innocent controllers after their user’s inability to be good at a video game.

Bazza: I’m gonna bash your face in mate. All of youse are cooked.

James: Why’s that?

Bazza: Cos youse stole me Feral! James: How’s that?

Bazza: I saw youse do it mate! Don’t play funny buggers with me~

James: What’s that? Bazza: It’s when you talk sh*t about someone, like you and Luke are doin right now!

James: Who’s that? Bazza: Luke’s your best mate c*nt!

James: Why’s that? Bazza, confused, slowly drops to the floor, head spinning.

James: It’s so easy to baffle you dickheads with bullsh*t.

Basket case

Though derived from the usual meaning of insane, in Aussie slang basket case refers to someone who’s life is in the sh*t. A rabble. Also a song buy those guys who play power chords a lot. The Offspring maybe? I don’t know many bands that aren’t named AC f*cken DC.

Employee 1: Darryl’s a basket case at the moment mate.

Employee 2: I know, he doesn’t say a word in the office anymore. Just rocks up, clocks out. Rinse repeat.

Employee 1: Feel for the bloke. He smells like sh*t.

Employee 2: Booze right?

Employee 1: Yeah mate, he always smells like piss. And not the good kind.

Employee 3: There’s a bad kind?

Bastard (you old)

An insult, particularly aimed toward someone that performs dog acts or is generally old and abrasive.

Hippie, sobbing: YOU BASTARD

Bloke 1: Gee, I’m sorry, relax mate. I take it back, Fitzroy isn’t a sh*thole.

Hippie, wiping his tears: You really mean it?

Bloke 1: Hahaha yeah, nah, stitched up again dumbc*nt.

Bathers

A bathing suit. Clothing intended for use in water. Often accompanied by thongs.

Sheila 1: Let’s go for a swim today to get rid of this bloody hangover.

Sheila 2: I can’t, I gave away my bathers away last night for a durry.

Battler

Someone who has a strong work ethic and well-placed values while struggling to make a stable income.

Mate: Yeah, nah mate it’s not great for the cashola but I’m a battler. I’ll do the hard yakka and get by mate with me relos, me winie blues and me ice cold VB tinnies.

Mate 2: Nothing wrong with bein’ a battler if ya got ya priorities sorted out mate.  

Beak

A rather derogatory term for someone’s nose. Implies that their schnozz is large and offensive and is often used to insert themselves into situations they have no business being a part of.

Bloke 1: Yeah mate and then the cops rang me and told me ya weren’t allowed to punch durries inside bars anymore?

Bloke 2: F*ck me dead mate, you ain’t telling me a Furphy? Because I know who snitched on you and all! It was Dazza.

Bloke 2: Crikey! I shoulda known he’d stick his bloody beak where it don’t belong.

Beanie

A hat mostly intended for southern Australian state winters, often made from wool and knitted with a pom-pom on top. Worn by wankers throughout 40-degree summer days.

Dude: Ay dude, bro, mate.

Dude 2: Yeah mate, what’s good?

Dude: Heard it’s gonna be 40 f*cken degrees Celsius tomorrow.

Dude 2: Strewth! That’s fair dinkum hot mate.

Dude: Yeah dude. You got your beanie ready?

Dude 2: Yeah man.Dude: Sweet.

Dude 2: Yeah man. Beanie’s look good in the hot weather.

Dude: Yeah dude, they do.

Beano

A rather dated Australian expression—prevalent around World War I—to refer to a festive gathering, often involving a feast.

Person 1: We going to this f*cken beano or what mate? I could go a roast chook.

Beast

A banged up old car that has one redeeming quality — it’s f*cken huge.

Sheila 1: Ya gunna bring the beast out for a spin today mate? The paddock’s looking ripe for a few burnouts.

Sheila 2: Nah mate ‘fraid not. Had a few too many tinnies — can’t go drinkin’ and drivin’, even on me own property.

Sheila 1: Fair dinkum. Good on ya for being a responsible c*nt mate.

Beating around the bush

To avoid answering something properly, often in order to protect oneself from discomfort.

George: Alright boys. Which of you pisshead’s punched me last dart? I’ll bash whichever of youse did it.

Matt: Nah look mate, so I was walking down the yard with a f*cking slab, anyway I reckon I saw this mad magpie on a eucalyptus just start swooping blokes so I had to put the f*cken slab down—

George: Stop beating around the bush and own up to it dickhead.

Matt: Oi look, nah, just a stitch-up mate. Classic stitch-up. Got it right here.

Beaut

A shortening of the word beauty, which in turn is a shortening of the word beautiful. As one might imagine, this word essentially means beautiful. Great, excellent, superb.

Sheila: That’s f*cken beaut mate.

Bloke: I reckon. Took me f*cken yonks but was worth it.

Sheila: A tin shed built out of VB tinnies. Is there anything better than this?

Bloke: Nah darl. I’ve thought about it and nah there ain’t.  

Beauty

A shortening of the word beautiful. As one might imagine, this word essentially means beautiful. However, unlike the word beautiful, this term nearly always follows a determiner (a) or pronoun (you). Used to denote excitement, particularly at sporting events when preceded by the word ‘you’.

Sydney Swans supporter: Buddy Franklin you bloody beauty!

Punter after winning bet on the races: You beauty!

Berko

Slang for bezerk.

Stoner: Mate a few of these billies and you’ll go deadset berko.

Grandmother: Alright then, where’s the grass?

Bevan

A derogatory term for someone who is stupid, or an idiot, or is a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Also the surname of Australian cricketing player, Michael Bevan, who didn’t quite live up to the definition of the term after his heroics in the 96 tri-series.

Person: Yeah, nah mate, take off ya sunnies it’s the middle of winter and ya look like a suss bevan.

Beyond the black stump

To be far, far away. You may have noticed Australia has a lot of different slang to refer to places that are far away. That would be because pretty much all of Australia is very, very, far away.

Person 1: Mate this boozer is seriously beyond the black stump. Are you sure it’s worth it?

Person 2: 1 dollar pots of Toohey’s mate. No explanation needed for that one.

Person 1: Crikey! No dramas mate we’ll kick on.

Biffo

A scuffle, a bit of violence. A term of near-endearance for fighting

Sheila 1: Yeah, nah me and me old man don’t mind a bit of the biffo do we? A chair across the back of the head never hurt anybody, oi Dad?

Dad: Nah c*nt, she’ll be right.

Sheila: Too right.

Bickie

Short for biscuit.

Husband: Pass us a bickie would ya darl?

Wife: Yeah, nah get f*cked.

Big-note yourself

To talk yourself up, inflating one’s ego through sometimes outlandish stories or tales of valour and triumph.

Bloke 1: Yeah mate so in the last fortnight I reckon I’ve copped a dozen roots and a couple of blowies too on the sly. Fair dinkum one of them was in the back of a Ute in the Outback mate. Only blokes around were a couple of roos.

Bloke 2: Don’t big-note yourself mate, I was with ya mum last night and she said you’ve been in your room playing Minecraft for over a month. Said you only shoot out to fill ya fat gob.

Big smoke

A large city, generally used to describe Melbourne, Sydney and occasionally Brisbane.

Headed off to the Big Smoke to suss out the Coathanger tomorrow!

Big spit

To chunder, or technicolor yawn in a particularly violent and, uh, expressive manner. To vomit.

Girl: Oi hold me phone sheila I gotta take a big spit.

Big whoop

A sarcastic exclamation regarding something that is being made out to be a big deal, but isn’t.

Gary: Yeah.. look mate I’m f*ckin pissed as. F*cken deadset legless I is. Youse c*nts don’t understand what it’s like to drink straight Bundy mate. It f*cks ya up.

Darryl: Ah Big Whoop ya big poof. I’m drinking straight metho and ya don’t hear me shoutin about it.

Bikki

A biscuit. Is also an uncommon term for the expense of an item.

Person 1: Hey mate, keen on chucking some of these bikkies into your gob?

Person 2: If you don’t mind I reckon I’ll stick to me VB.

Person 1: But they’re tim-tams

Person 2: Say no more

Billabong

A billabong is a small body of water that is the offshoot of a river that has changed direction. Also a swimwear, surfing brand founded in Gold Coast.

Bloke 1: Oi c*nt, we headed to Billabong or what?

Bloke 2: Yeah mate, hope ya bought some sunscreen it’s gonna be f*cken rough in the bush.

Bloke 1: What ya talken about mate? It’s in the Big Smoke.

Bloke 2: You’re a drongo mate. I didn’t mean the store, I meant the f*cken river looking thing in the Outback.

Billy

To those born prior to 1980, this is a teapot. To those born past 1980, it is a bong.

Bloke 1: Oi pass the billy would ya bruz?

Bloke 2: Sure thing mate. Want black or green?

Billy cart

Aussie slang for a go-kart, often custom/home-built from wood.

Uncle: Wanna take the billy cart for a spin round the block mate?

Nephew: Fair dinkum!

Bingle

To get caught up in an automobile accident, usually minor.

Girl 1: Yeah got into a bit of a bingle on the way here, me commodore is all dinged up.

Girl 2: Probably for the best though mate. That car was sh*t house.

Girl 1: Oath.

Birthday suit

To be without a certain article of clothing. That certain article is, of course, all of them.

Tinder date: Look mate I know you’re keen for a root but showing up to Macca’s in ya birthday suit is a bit how ya garn don’t ya reckon?

Bite

To apply pressure to, usually a financial situation. Comes from how, when you bite something, you apply pressure to them. Incredible, isn’t it!

Bloke: Yeah, nah mate no word of a lie but I’m feeling the bite after I put the new roo bar on me Feral but it was deadset worth it mate.

Bities

A term used for the assholes of the insect world: the ones that bite.

SLAPS

Person 1: Death to all bities. Death to em all.

Person 2: Oi c*nt, check out what I picked up at me local woollies.

Person 1 *grabbing flyswat*: You bloody ripper

Bit of alright

An odd-sounding, nonsensical way of proclaiming someone to be sexually attractive.

Girl: F*ck me dead Sal, that Kev over there’s a bit of alright oi?

Bitzer

A dog that has been cross-bred multiple times to the point nobody knows what breed it actually is, a mongrel.

Bloke 1: What kinda dog is that mate?

Bloke 2: F*cken, no clue ay. It’s a bitzer mate.

Bloke 1: Cute but.

Bloke 2: Yeah mate. Cute as.

Bizzo

A slang way of saying business.

Mate 1: Where you going?

Mate 2: Nunya

Mate 1: Nunya?

Mate 2: Nunya bizzo mate

Black stump

A theoretical point where the vast Australian outback changes from being pub-loving, VB-sinking country folk to being a straight-up Mad Max type dystopia.

Aussie: You been beyond the black stump seppo?

American: N-n-nah… what’s it like?

Aussie: What’s it like? Mate. It’s f*cked.

Bleary eyed

To have red, puffy eyes, often from just waking up, crying over spilling some piss, or smoking a sh*tload of billys.

Father: Mate you look bleary eyed. Had a late one?

Son: Nah c*nt I’m just 20 bongs in.

Block

This term has multiple meanings — it can refer to a piece of land, traditionally agricultural, as well as someone’s head.

Wife: Bazza mate I’m just headin’ round the block to the servo to grab some smokes. Want anything?

Bazza: Smokes.

Wife: I just said I’m getting smokes.

Bazza: Yeah so get more.

Bloke

A guy. A man. A dude.

The quintessential Australian term for a man. The opposite of Sheila.

Sheila: You’re a good bloke

Bloke: You’re a good sheila

Blotto

To be completely and utterly sloshed. Like Otto.

Drug user to cop: Yeah look mates. You’re me fellers, so I won’t tell youse any Furphies. I’m 3 tabs in and I’m f*cken blotto. I don’t want youse to chuck me in ya divvy van but I thought it’s best I be fair dinkum. Also, are youse lizards by the way? All goods if yas are, just making sure. I won’t tell if youse don’t?

Blood worth bottling

In reference to an Aussie bloke or sheila that is agreeable, hard-working and just an all-round top human. Suggests that their blood should be collected, studied and cloned to create a super-army of great Aussie blokes.

Person 1: Oi mate. I forgot it was ya birthday last week so I thought I’d make it up to ya and bring ya a slab of VB stubbys.

Person 2: Let me tell ya something mate. Something real important. You got some blood worth bottling mate. They need to put that sh*t in vials mate, cos you’re a f*cking champion.

Bloody

An absolute classic Aussie phrase, used in a similar fashion to Crikey and Strewth but has a wider scope for use. Can be, and frequently is, substituted for words such as very, f*cking and other accentuating adjectives.

Anyone, Anywhere, Any situation:

Bloody oath

Bloody hell

Bloody ripper

Bloody fantastic

Bloody superb

Tradie 1: This bloody spanner won’t open the portaloo. I’m dying here mate, I’ve been eating nothin but snags. Haven’t chucked a sh*t in days.

Tradie 2: Bloody hell mate. Time to pull out the ol’ crowbar I reckon.

Bloody Oath

Yes. Absolutely.

An exuberant way of agreeing with someone. 

Bloke 1: F*ck me it’s already 11am. Wanna grab some VB’s?

Bloke 2: Bloody oath mate.

Bloody galah

A derogatory term aimed at someone who behaves moronically in a loud, obnoxious manner. This is of course in reference to the destructive, malevolent birds of the same name. F*ck I hate Galahs.

Bloke 1: Ahh cut the sh*t ya bloody galah, you sound hysterical.

Bloke 2: F*cken fine, but mate I tell ya what if I hear ya talken sh*t about VB one more time I’m taken it to the coppers.

Blow a blue dog of its chain

This odd phrase — keep in mind the dog in question isn’t literally blue — means for the weather to be particularly fierce and windy. It’s important to remember that this isn’t just referring to the weather, but also the damage a bowl of spag and baked beans can wreak on one’s innards.

Sheila: f*ck me dead mate this sandstorm could blow a bloody blue dog off its chain! Better find some shelter. I reckon there’s a pub just a few klicks away.

Blower

A breatholyzer — a device that measures the level of alcohol on one’s breath. Usually used by the coppers on unsuspecting blokes heading back from a footy game at the MCG.

Copper: Yeah just huff into the blower mate. Cheers, ‘ave a good one.

Blowie

A blow job. Less commonly used to refer to a blowfly. Important not the mix up these two potential uses for the phrase. That could get quite messy.

Boyfriend: Oi gimme a quick blowie. It’ll be easy as.

Girlfriend: I ain’t a root rat, get f*cked mate.

Nan: Oh darl come and look. There’s a blowie in that alleyway!

Grandson: Oh f*ckin’ oath nan. 

Blow in

Someone to perform the infamous ‘pop in’ without invitation. Implies that they have conveniently arrived at your doorstep due to the wind blowing them there.

Mother: Yeah I just thought I’d come around and see what you’re up to!

Son: Mum mate I got the boys over for a pissup, ya can’t just blow in like this. Ya gotta give me a buzz first mate.

Blowing through

Essentially means ‘coming through’. To stop by, often abruptly and then leave, equally abruptly. A bit like when someone drops a mean fart.

Kid: Did you see that helicoptor blowing through? Was in and out in a flash. Must be on the lookout for pissups they can join.

Blow in the bag

To have a breath test, often from a booze bus. If you blow over 0.05, you’re f*cked mate.

Copper: Blow in the bag please mate.

Person 1: *blows* Copper: Alright you’re clear. Have a nice night.

Person 1: Yeah you too… *drives off with windows down*

Person 1: You’ll never catch me piggies. *Sirens start flashing*

Blow me down

An expression of extreme shock or surprise, like when Gold Coast (in both the AFL and NRL) win a game, or when someone says ‘no thanks’ to the offer of a root and a menthol.

Barman: Blow me down! Did that c*nt just ask for a PINT of dark ale? What a deadset tool! I’ll just put chocolate syrup into the VB, betcha he won’t notice the difference.

Blow shit out of someone

To hit someone so hard, be it literally (with a fist) or figuratively (with bad news or 20 shots of absinthe) that they drop their dinner.

Teen: Mate I thought it’d be a mad stitch-up to put the cans of VB onto the goats’ horns, but the bloke blew the sh*t out of me with his leg!

Blow your dough

To spend, or perhaps more appropriately, waste all of your money in one fell swoop (yeah c*nt it’s spring, watch out for them maggies).

Husband: Oi Mez. f*cken, get in here. Mate, did you blow your dough on this f*cken 3m bottle of Vegemite. Deadset. How much was it.

Mez: Uh. Let’s just say it’s worth more than your Ute. Husband: Fair dinkum.

Bludge

To slack off, wing or put minimal effort into something. The True Blue way when it comes to office jobs, school, and any form of yakka that isn’t immediately followed by getting sloshed.

Boss: f*ck me dead c*nt, you plan on doin anythin’ other than bludge today?

Employee, looking up from Crash Bandicoot on his computer: The f*ck ya talkin about mate, this is deadset hard yakka. If I ain’t getting paid to play Crash Bandicoot, I ain’t getting paid at all.

Boss: Too right you’re not.

Bludger

Somebody who avoids hard work like it’s a redback spider. Simply put, a useless person who relies on Government handouts, performs little to no labour and contributes the bare minimum to society.

Bloke 1: So I just rocked up to Centerz mate and they told me I can’t get me cashola unless I’m actually lookin’ for jobs. That’s so sh*thouse, what a rort.

Bloke 2: We both know you don’t know what a rort is. Shut up and get a job ya damn bludger.

Blue

This term has a number of meanings in Australia outside of, well, the colour. It refers to: having an argument, often with a family member, friend or co-worker, to make an error, or to be depressed or upset.

Friend 1: F*cken hell mate let’s not have a blue over this.

Friend 2: Then don’t tell me you buggered me sister mate. That’s not on.

Friend 1: She’s hot as mate. What do you want me to do? It’s just science mate. You got a problem, take it up with the scienticians mate.

Blue arsed fly

Not quite a fly that has, like a dickhead, flown into blue paint—a term referring to someone that is constantly buzzing around, making frantic and agitated movements.

Clubgoer: Oi Carl relax mate, you’re moving like a bloody blue-arsed fly!

Carl: Yeah, nah too right mate, it’s just these pingers mate. I’m deadset parro.

Blue heeler

An Australian breed of farm dog known for its intelligence, loyalty and being an all round good bloke.

Farmer watching dog chase its tail instead of cattle: I know they say that farm dogs are smart, but bloody hell this bugger is a deadset drongo.

Blue murder

To make a large, loud and annoying fuss over something that often doesn’t deserve it. See: Traffic, the AFL and OI WHO SMOKED ME LAST WINNIE BLUE. I KNOW IT WAS YOU BAZZA GET THE F*CK OV… changing the radio station without permission.

Michelle: Calm down mate for f*cks sakes. Every time I change it from Triple M to Fox ya scream blue murder!

John: Fox can get f*cked.

Bluey

Generally, a slang word for a bluebottle jellyfish—an extremely dangerous, often fatal jellyfish that floats around killing Aussies for its own amusement. For whatever, baffling reason, it is also a pejorative term for red-heads.

Girl 1: Watch out there’s a f*cken bluey over there! Get out of the water!

Girl 2: *screams*

Girl 1: That was close. You gotta be more careful next time!

Girl 2: He almost touched me. I was so close I could see each strand of red on his head.

Girl 1: It’s okay girl. It’s over now.

Boardies

Boardshorts, a form of bather shorts. A much preferable form of swimming attire for men than the budgie smuggler, and for good reason.

Person 1: Oi what the f*ck are you wearing? You can’t seriously be wearing dick stickers with a package that small.

Person 2: Don’t be a mongrel, they look fine.

Person 3: Chuck on some boardies mate you look like a poofta.

Bob’s your uncle

A real ripper of a phrase this one, essentially meaning: and there it is. Often used after giving instructions.

Bloke 1: So open the tube, crack open a coldie, pour the VB into the tube, put the funnel to your mouth, get the piss in ya, and bob’s your uncle.

Bodgy

To be of poor, sh*tty quality. Can be in reference to items, a person’s character, dress sense or anything in between.

Bloke 1: Mate these ciggies are bodgy as. What are they called again?

Bloke 2: Got em with me leftover Centerz money I did mate. They call em the coral reef mate.

Bloke 1: Crikey, you don’t reckon mate?

Bloke 2: Yeah mate I do reckon. Sh*t’s made out of f*cken seaweed. They get the job done but. Get the nicotine into the blood mate. Had enough of that f*cken oxygen anyway, that rubbish is everywhere.

Bog

Toilet.

Person 1: Oi darl, I’m gonna take a trip out to the bog. You got the gumboots?

Person 2: Yeah, nah mate, just use these Uggs.

Person 1: Piss off then. If I get bitten by a snake I’m gonna be cranky.

Bog house

An outhouse. A building, often a grubby little shack, maintained outside the house where the blokes and sheilas creep off to when they need to unleash a sh*t.

Tradie: Oi, don’t come this way, I gotta use the bog house and I won’t be out for at least another 4 hours.

Bog in

Similar to dig in, to assault food with the vigour of someone eating a Bunnings snag after a week of salads.

Person 1: Mate I know I told ya to bog in to me pav but crikey you’re going at it like a f*ckin bin chicken. You look like a bird mate. F*ckin not on this behaviour is. Absolutely bang out of order.

Bog standard

Very run-of-the-mill, no qualities that separate it from anything else. Can be used as a negative or neutral term, but rarely positive.

Human 1: This restaurant is downright bog standard. F*cken muddies and lobbies and salmon. Who eats that sh*t mate we aren’t f*cken from the sea. Humans aren’t from the sea we don’t eat fish.

Human 2: Yeah, nah too right mate. Could go a maccas run later mate.

Human 1: Oath. Cop a bloody ripper feed ay mate.

Bogan

Australia’s version of a redneck.

An Australian stereotype referring to lower-class, lazy, alcohol-loving people who use a lot of slang and lack an interest in ‘intellectual topics’ such as politics and current affairs.

Can also be used to describe friends who spill drinks on themselves, swear a lot or perform reckless actions without much thought.

Mate 1: Did you see the educational reforms the Prime Minister proposed?

Mate 2: I don’t give a sh*t what that bloody polly does. All I care about is driving me Ute and gettin’ pissed!

Mate 1: You’re such a bogan.

Bogged

To be deeply embedded in something, be it physically: quicksand, mud, or otherwise: work, 53 packets of chocolate tim-tams.

Mate 1: You coming to Bazza’s piss-up later mate.

Mate 2: No can do mate, I’m bogged mate. I just ate thirteen packets of Tim-Tams. I can’t f*cken move a muscle. I can’t even get up to change the channel mate. It’s Home and Away repeats and I can’t do anything about it.

Boiler

A woman who is well past her prime. An old, decrepit, lady.

20 year old bloke to prostitute: Yeah, nah I don’t mean to be rude but mate you’re a straight-up boiler. You should be payin’ me.

Boil-over

A sporting upset, usually unexpected, resulting in a ‘boil-over’ of media mocking and pressure.

Footy commentator: And the final siren rings, and crikey mate this is gonna cause a serious boil-over for those in the Tigers’ camp. Gold Coast have just beaten Richmond by two hundred and thirty points. An absolute creaming, unexpected by all. I’m shocked mate. Absolutely bamboozled.

Bomb

A car that has been picked up at the pound or some other scrap heap and has then been repurposed to become ‘roadworthy’. Note the scare quotes about roadworthy. These f*ckers ain’t worthy of a dirt road, let alone that premium tar sh*t.

Bloke: Yeah too right cobber, another one of those cans of VBs instead of roof racks and me bomb will be complete.

Bondi cigar

You know when you really, really, REALLY need to sh*t when you’re at the beach and the public toilets are either disgusting or occupied and you think to yourself: ‘well, the ocean is nature’s toilet’. This is the result of that thought. Don’t do it. We all see it. We all know.

Lifeguard: OKAY. Everyone get out of the water. Remain calm, but make haste. Come on, we need everyone out quickly. Quick as guys come on.

Beachgoer: Oh my god. No way. Not a Noah. Not here.

Lifeguard: No. It’s worse. Someone left a bondi cigar in the water.

Beachgoer: *faints*

Bonzer

Essentially means the same thing as ripper. Excellent, awesome, fantastic.

Aussie sheila: This piss is deadest bonzer mate.

Boofhead

A dergotary term that can be used literally or figuratively — either implying a person’s so stupid that their head is full of air, or that they’ve got a large, and generally rude, mug on their shoulders.

Owner to dog: Stop being such a boofhead ya dim c*nt. Cows eat grass, dogs don’t. It’s pretty simple stuff mate. Dog: Yeah, nah GAGF mate.

Boogie

To have a jam. A dance. Also means to have a surf or swim, being short for boogie board.

Girl to guy: Wanna have a boogie to Kevin Rudd’s 2007 inductance speech set to a mad doof?

Boogie board

A small surf board, about half the size of a regular one. Designed for people who unreservedly suck at surfing but still want to look cool at the beach.

Bloke 1: Oi mate are you bringing your boogie board to the beach?

Bloke 2: yeah mate, what’s the problem?

Bloke 1: Nothin mate no dramas. You just might look like a poofta if we’re all surfing and you’re, well, boogeying.

Boomer

In spite of recent use of the word to describe the Baby Boomer generation, the term Boomer is also associated with large male kangaroos.

Teen 1: Sh*t dude, check out that massive boomer over there!

Teen 2: Don’t be rude mate me nan’s on a diet.

Teen 1: I mean the f*cking ‘roo you tool.

Boomerang

A traditional Australian aboriginal weapon used to hunt for birds. Shaped at a 45 degree angle, this tool is designed to be thrown and return to the thrower.

Person: Youse ever used a boomerang before? I lost me sh*t mate. The f*cker CAME BACK to me after I threw it!

Person 2: Yeah, they’ll do that.

Booze

The sweet, sweet elixir of life. Alcohol. Piss.

Aussie bloke 1: What’s ya favourite thing in the world blokes and sheilas?

Bloke 2: Look, probably a bit of a rough thing to say, but it’s gotta be money for me.

Sheila 1: Power.

Sheila 2: My family and friends. Human connection.

Aussie bloke: f*ck. How’s that for a bunch of poofter answers? This wasn’t a trick question. The correct answer is booze.

Booze Bus

A vehicle closely resembling a bus that is used by the police to setup blockades to apprehend drunk and drugged drivers.

Bloke 1: Oi mate you still headed to Bazza’s?

Bloke 2: Yeah mate headed on the Tulla right now.

Bloke 1: No dramas mate, just letting ya know there’s a booze bus set up right outside his house.

Bloke 2: Fair dinkum?

Bloke 1: Yeah mate. Right on his front doorstep they’re f*ckin there making blokes blow in the bag.

Bloke 2: Cheers mate. Legend. Shouldn’t matter though.

Bloke 1: Yeah too right. If you drink and drive you’re a bloody idiot.

Bored shitless

Bored beyond rational belief, to the point where one might resort to watching the A-league.

Person 1: Mate I’m buggered. I can’t be arsed going for a cruise in ya feral. It’s sick as man but I’m spent from all the hard yakka I’ve been up to.

Person 2: F*cken hell mate don’t be a sook. I’m bored sh*tless let’s go do some crimes.

Person 1: I’ll take some drugs and watch Kath and Kim reruns if you wanna commit crimes mate. Not feeling a divvy van ride tonight.

Person 2: Absolute dog mate. You’re an absolute dog. The boys will hear about this.

Person 1: Strewth c*nt! Not the boys. Alright no wukka’s lets go.

Boss cocky

Essentially a farmer who has people employed under him/her to perform duties.

Employee: I’m deadset, if the boss cocky makes me clean out the pig’s pen one more time I’m gonna chuck the sh*ts.

Bottle shop

A liquor shop. A place high in supply of piss, grog, champers. See bottle-o

Bazza: Yeah mum when you go to the bottle-shop remember to pick-up

Bazza’s order. I’ve hired a truck and a truckie for ya to haul it back.

Bottle-o

A place that sells liquor, a bottle shop. A haven.

Friend 1: Crikey, check out that bottle-o’s sign. ‘Cheap Grog Here.’  

Friend 2: That’s grouse. Let’s go in.

Bottler

An object, person, place, or noun in general that inspires awe or is just bloody fantastic.

Bloke: Yeah this boozer is a f*cken bottler mate. Got some pokies, ice-cold piss and deadest grouse Chicken parmas.

Bottoms up

A phrase said prior to disaster. A preface to finishing off whatever alcohol remains in your drink — generally the entire content — in one go

Bazza: So let me get this straight mate. Youse have bought this f*cked up cocktail of Bundy, Ginger Ale, VB, Dead Horse and expect me to drink it at me own piss-up?

Jenna, pouring into a 1L cup: Yeah too right mate. Bottoms up.

Bounce

One of those people that laugh at you for being a bluey, acquires your lunch money and proceeds to spend it on a sausage roll in a roll at the school canteen. A bully.

Bloke 1: Oi look at this bluey. What a f*cken loser. Oi mate give us ya lunch money, I’m hungry and you don’t need it ya fat dog.

Bloke 2: Don’t be a bounce mate it’s not cool anymore. You can’t have my money. Not my fault you’re a f*cken dero and you got a face like a half-eaten pastie.

Bloke 1: Bloody hell man. That hurts.

Bloke 2: You can’t be poor anyway mate. Calling me a fat dog and sh*t. You clearly get fed like a f*cken champion.

Bloke 1: Damn man… Damn…

Brass

Money. Cash. Dollarydoos

Drug dealer: Ya got the brass on ya?

Drug buyer: Nah sorry bro I’m fresh out. But I got a few VBs, that’ll do ya?

Drug dealer: Foath it will mate. Foath indeed.

Brass monkey

For it to be really f*cking cold. Short for ‘it’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey’. Not that I’ve ever met many brass monkeys, but I have to imagine that it would take a pretty bloody freezing night to make the blokes part with their meat and veg.

Brisbaneian in Melbourne: Mate it is fair dinkum brass monkey levels cold down here.

Melbournian: Are you sh*ttin me? It’s 20 bloody degrees mate.

Brass razoo

A term originating from World War I, meaning of very little to no value. It is based on a coin that didn’t actually exist, until they minted it in the 90s where, due to its nature as a commodity, ironically became worth quite a bit.

Schoolkid: You’re stitching me up right? That player card is worth less than a brass razoo. No way am I trading me tamagotchi for that.

Bread basket

The stomach. Typically because one fills it up with barley and hops — though not those contained in bread.

Bloke: I’ve gone and cooked me bread basket by skullin that beer mate. I reckon that might’ve been the one that takes me to chunder central.

Break open a coldie

Often done in the company of True Blue blokes and sheilas, to SPRINT home after a hard day’s yakka and feverishly open up a tinnie or twenty of VBs. To open a beer and hear the satisfying ‘ksst’ sound as the gas escapes.

Tradie 1: I reckon it’s gonna be break open a coldie time in any tick of the clock now mate.

Tradie 2: Mate its 10am. That time was long ago.

Brekkie

Breakfast. Sometimes spelled “brekky.”

Sure, you can say “breakfast” instead of brekkie, but why would you?

Breakfast is often expensive in Australia. Many tourists balk at $24 eggs and smashed avo. But don’t forget GST (tax) is already included, and you don’t need to tip! Oh, and it’s usually delicious.

Oi, it’s 11 am. Let’s get some brekkie!

Brick shithouse

A f*ckin’ huge bloke (or any object for that matter) that packs serious firepower in terms of muscle mass, width, girth and overall size.

Oi check out Josh from high school. That bloke is built like a brick sh*thouse these days.

Brickie

A bricklayer by trade. A tradie who lays bricks for the construction of houses, buildings etc.

Concerned neighbour: Do you think that brickie should really be drinking that VB while building the roof? Seems dangerous.

Bricklayer, mid-air after toppling from his own poor construction:  Don’t be a wowser, it’s the weekend mate.

Concerned neighbour: It’s Tuesday.

Brickies cleavage

Ya know when you see a bloke, often well-off in terms of girth, wearing pants that don’t quite fit them, bend over and you think to yourself you could stick a 20c coin down there and they wouldn’t notice? Yeah. A tradie’s exposed buttcrack.

Tradie: Now, that is girth. A well-trimmed body would stand no match to this seasoned veteran’s beer belly. Years of alcohol abuse and lifting heavy objects with improper technique has left this man, not a shell of his former physical self, but a hardened warrior, ready to battle. To compare his mass to that of a truck would be a disservice to him. And would you look at that? As he bends down to acquire his hammer, perhaps to bash in the skulls of his enemies, a seriously impressive brickies cleavage is out on display. Truly remarkable.

Tradie 2: Oi mate, I reckon I told ya to stop naratting me on ya smokos. I suggest ya follow this advice, yeah?

Bright spark

Think of a lightbulb appearing over someone’s head when they cook up a ripper idea. Someone who is switched on and intelligent, full of classic stitch-ups and pissers.

Teacher: You’re a bright spark today aren’t ya Bazza?

Bazza: Yeah fair dinkum I am. It’s all the bevvies I chucked in me gob before class.

Teacher: Too right mate. Keep up the good work then!

Bring a plate

To bring food to a party, barbeque or other such gathering. It means to bring a plate of ‘x’. If you receive this instruction and bring an empty plate to a BBQ, well, you’re gonna look like a dickhead.

Invitation to Bazza’s piss-up: No need for BYO booze blokes, just bring a plate and we’ll be set.

Brisvegas

Brisbane, a reference to the Las Vegas like lights and casinos located in Queensland’s state capital.

Schoolies kids: Yeah mate, I’m off to Brisvegas. Gonna be fully sick. Gonna bring some frangers, some booze and cop a few roots I reckon.

Brizzie

Brisbane.

Mate 1: You seen the floods in Brizzie mate? Brutal stuff. Thought it was hot up there.

Mate 2: Yeah, hope the banana benders are okay up there.

Mate 1: I don’t give a damn about them mate. I just hope the pokies are okay.

Brolly

In classic Aussie form, this word is a haphazard, barely recognisable abbreviation of the term umbrella. You might think brelly would make more sense than brolly, but you’d be wrong, cos it’s Straya mate.

Girl 1: Mate I heard it’s gonna rain today. You got a brolly?

Girl 2: I knew I forgot something.

Girl 1: You’re such a nong mate. Get your act together.

Brown-eyed mullet

Essentially the same as a Bondi cigar. A sh*t, generally a large singular log, floating peacefully in the ocean.

Mate 1: Oi I got this skitz idea for a stitch-up.

Mate 2: Yeah mate what is it?

Mate 1: I’m gonna leave a brown-eyed mullet in St. Kilda beach.

Mate 2: Mate, that’s rank. Do it.

Brown trouser job

When someone gets so scared the phrase ‘mate did you just sh*t your pants?’ comes to mind. The sh*tting of one’s pants while fearful is actually a physiological response to stimulus allowing us to lose weight and run faster, so nothing to laugh about at all. Okay, maybe a little.

Person 1: Deadset mate check it out! There’s a huge redback in ya shed.

Person 2: f*ck, yeah nah mate. That’s a stitch-up mate. Not funny.

Person 1: Nah fair dinkum mate, give it a captain cook.

Person 2: *looks, colour draining from their face*

Person 1: Oi relax mate, don’t pull a brown trouser job. It’s just a creepy crawley.

Bruce

A regular, hard-workin’, true blue Aussie bloke. Not to be confused with Barry, Darren or Jimmy.

Darren: Bruce mate, how ya doin?

Jimmy: Dazza mate, what’s the good word?

Barry: Jimmy mate, how’s it hanging?

Darren: Bazza copper, been yonks mate.

Barry: Dazza, f*cken oath, love having this ripper bloke around.

Bruce: What’s going on blokes?

Brumby

A wild, often feral horse. Unlike your regular domesticated horses, don’t approach these blokes if you run into them. They’re f*ckin’ skitz.

Girl 1: Nice horsey. Who’s a nice horsey?

Girl 2: Not this c*nt mate. This is a f*cken brumby.

NEIGH

Buck’s night

A gathering of males prior to a wedding, often involving debauchery, misdemeanour and a sh*tload of VBs.

For some unknown reason Australian’s have taken on the word buck instead of stag—both terms referring to the exact same animal—to describe their bachelor parties.

Groom: I just want a quiet buck’s night, few of the lads over and a few quiet bevvies. Sound good?

Best man: *obscuring note with the number of 13 different strippers on it* No dramas mate.

Buckley’s Chance

This phrase references English convict William Buckley who escaped from incarceration and lived among an Aboriginal society for many years. It means you have little to no chance.

Person 1: Oi so I heard about this new frothie called Carlton zero. Meant to taste like a Carlton but no actual booze in it. Reckon we give it a spin mate?

Person 2: That’s rubbish mate. You got Buckley’s chance from me on that one. Absolute nonsense you’re spewing.

Budgie Smugglers

A form of close-fitting men’s bathers

Perhaps too proudly flaunts the wearers ‘package’, making it look like a budgie has been stashed in their trousers.

Girl 1: Did you see Tony Abbott parading around in those budgie smugglers on the news?

Girl 2: Yeah, how embarrassing. They sure were Choc A Bloc with something.

Bugalugs

If there were a scale of Aussie terms of endearment, it would go: MOST ENDEARING — c*nt, IN BETWEEN — MATE, LEAST ENDEARING — BUGALUG. With that in mind, this term is still a generally positive way of referring to someone.

Bloke to acquaintances: What’s doin’ me bugalugs?

Bugger!

An all encompassing Strayan’ substitute for the word f*ck. Perfect for all situations. What’s best — it isn’t very offensive, so you can teach it to your kids?

Bugger ya. Get buggered. Can’t be buggered. Bugger off.

Bugger all

F*ck all. Very little, none.

Boy 1: H-h-h-ey… what’s up??

Girl 1: Yeah bugger all mate. Yourself?

Boy 1: Y-y-y-yeah… Not a… not… yeah… Want to go out with me?

Girl 1: Yeah nah mate. You’re hideous.

Bugger around

F*ck around. To mess about and not take something seriously.

Teacher: I’m deadset ya little f*ckers. If any of youse bugger around while the principal is in here I’ll belt ya with a bloody digeridoo.

Buggered

Exceptionally tired, wrecked, usually physically from performing some sort of manual labour or strenuous task.

Also means broken or not working.

Tradie 1: Pretty full-on at work today eh?
Tradie 2: Yeah, I am bloody buggered. Let’s grab a Coopers and get parro.

Bloke 1: Oi can you gimme a lift to the hotel?
Bloke 2: Nah, sorry mate the ute’s buggered.

Tradie 1: Wanna get to work on fixing the cubby house now? The door is still buggered.

Tradie 2: Gimme five mate, I’m absolutely buggered from the work I had to do in the loo.

Buggered if I know

f*cked if I know. I have no idea.

Sheila 1: Oi, what’s ya favourite colour mate?

Sheila 2: Ahh, f*ck it. Buggered if I know. Blue?

Sheila 1: Wrong answer. It’s VB.

Sheila 2: Bloody hell, you just blew my mind.

Bugger me dead

f*ck me dead! An exclamation of shock.

Farmer: Bugger me dead, that is the largest roo I ever seen in me life. Bloke could punch-on with a dinosaur and come out ahead I reckon.

Bugger off!

f*ck off! Get lost.

Kid 1: I know how you li-ke, I’m gonna tell everyone.

Kid 2: Bugger off mate, you got no clue.

Kid 1: Oh but I do… I saw what you wrote about ScoMo in your diary.

Buggery

This term refers to intercourse, generally in the form of sodomy. That is, up the bum. It can also mean to cop a blowie.

Mate 1: It’s not funny mate. It’s not f*cken funny.

Mate 2: Then why are we all laughing?

Mate 1: Stop saying you buggered me mum mate.

Mate 2: We’re not being fair dinkum mate chill out. We didn’t buggery ya mum.

Mate 1: I shouldn’t think so.

Mate 2 (to mate 3): Yet…

Built like a streak of pelican shit

I’ve never really studied the molecular makeup of a streak of pelican sh*t, but first thought suggests it to be long, brittle and thin. The opposite of a brick sh*thouse.

Skater: Mate that pole looks like its built like a streak of pelican sh*t. Ya sure ya wanna jump it?

Skater 2: Nah, but f*ck it mate. Gonna do it anyway.

Bull bar

A bar that provides a traditionally large, 4WD vehicle with the ability to mow down any wildlife that jumps out in front of it. Used mostly to prevent kangaroos from destroying the car when they witlessly decide to cross the road—a very common occurrence in the bush.

Bloke 1: That’s a mean f*cken bull bar you got on ya feral there mate. Looks sick as.

Bloke 2: Cheers codger. You like the spikes?

Bloke 1: Oath mate. These dumbc*nt roos won’t know what’s going on.

Bulldust

Essentially means bullsh*t, or rubbish, contorted for being acceptable language for all audiences.

Husband: Alright mate, how much do I owe ya for the snag?

Shopkeeper: 7 buckaroos mate.

Husband: What? That’s bullshi— *looks and sees baby in pram* absolute bulldust mate.

Bum bag

Essentially a fanny pack — a small bag, often worn by young men, that contains items such as wallet, keys and a sh*tload of durries.

Train station yobbo: Oi suss out this new adidas bum bag I got youse. It’s hectic as.

Train station yobbo 2: Oi, yeah, nah that’s fully sick bro, where’d ya get it bro?

Train station yobbo: Taxed it from Kmart bro.

Bum fluff

Those awful, wispy little excuses for beards that men (and women) start to grow in their adolescent years. Named because of, well, you know why.

Sharon, giggling: Oi bazza?

Barry: Yeah mate, what is it?

Sharon, full out guffawing: Nice bum fluff ya dag!

Bummer

Slang for shame, or expressing disappointment.

Julie: Yeah I f*cken hit up the servo for a few Great Northern coldies but all I could get me hands on were Foster.

Gary: Bugger mate, that’s a bummer.

Bum nuts

Eggs. I refuse to explain why. The image is too grotesque.

Camper: Pass us one of them bum nuts would yas?

Bunch of fives

Slang term for a fist, generally one that is suspended mid-air about to make contact with your schnozz.

Jim: Oi Sharon, you got a tinnie for me mate?

Sharon: Yeah, nah c*nt, but I do got a bunch of fives for ya.

Bundy

An abbreviation of the Queensland town Bundaberg, and more specifically, the rum that hails from there.

Smashed bloke: F*cken, crikey, uh, f*cken, ya know?

Deso driver: Good Bundy?

Smashed bloke: I f*cken…reckon ay?

Bung

Broken, rooted, f*cked. Something that either stopped working, or never worked to begin with. Can often be applied to body parts…Injured ones ya pervs

Bloke on the beers: Yeah, nah look mate. I’d love to come for a hike but I’ve got a deadset bung knee. It’s buggered and I’d have to blow out barely a click in.

Bunghole

A term which may refer to two very seperate things. It may be the hole in a barrel where beer is poured from… or it may also be an anus. Good to have the meaning’s so disparate, as nothing bad could ever happen as a result of this.

Bloke 1: Oi mate, pass us a beer out ya bunghole would ya?

Bloke 2: *winks* Yeah piece of piss mate.

Bunyip

A figure from Aboriginal folklore that lurks around billabongs, swamps and other bodies of water, snapping up children and livestock who walk off the beaten track.

Bloke 1: sh*t MATE. Look out! There’s a bunyip behind ya!

Bloke 2: Bloody hell where?

Bloke 1: Oh, yeah nah, thought I saw a bunyip but it was just ya mum mate.

Bloke 3: Classic stitch-up.

Bloke 1: Classic.

Burl

An attempt, a try. Often used following ‘give it a’ and prior to completely buggering something up.

Farmer: Me tractor’s cooked mate, I reckon ya got Buckley’s chance on fixing that.

City-dweller: Nah mate, I’ll give it a burl. No dramas.

Burnout

To get a car, typically a bomb, and loudly do donuts and in general create a ruckus in a car park or abandoned lot.

Teen just got his license: Mate I’m so keen to just grab a slab, get in me Feral and pull some fully sick burnouts in the Macca’s carpark.

Bush

Essentially anywhere that isn’t a city, desert or metropolitan town.

Those from the bush often have a distaste for city-dwellers, perhaps with fair reason.

Locations generally contain a lot of bush-like flora such as trees, grass, shrubs and bushes.

Girl 1: I matched with this guy on tinder but it’ll never work.

Girl 2: How come?

Girl 1: He’s out in the bush. Bushie’s ain’t my bowl of rice.

Bush bash

To walk/struggle/drive through thick bushland. Is also used as a title for events that occur in the Outback that involve driving through a terrain that will almost certainly result in your vehicle being scratched.

Bloke 1: Bro I got a roo bar on me f*ck-off ute, the thing’s built like a brick sh*thouse.

Bloke 2: Oath mate. No way we can lose the bush bash now.

Bush oyster

You know the green stuff that comes out of your nose. Yeah. That’s a bush oyster.

Bazza: Mate the only oyster I’ve ever eaten is a bush oyster and I reckon I’m gonna keep it that way.

Bush telegraph

An Australian spin on the term ‘grapevine’, it is essentially a rumour mill through a town or towns that have minimal electricity or reception for regular modes of contact.

Bushie: Oi so I head that Dazza and Chloe got back together mate. Fair dinkum that’s cooked mate.

Bushie 2: Yeah, nah, pigs arse mate. Where’d you hear that.

Bushie: It’s garn round the bush telegraph mate.

Bush telly

The mode of entertainment one has when in the bush without electricity—fire (usually a campfire) and the unpolluted night sky.

Father: You kids and your bloody mobiles and your bloody Netflockes. It’s rubbish mate. This is true entertainment. Me, you kids and the bush telly.

Son: Yeah get f*cked mate we don’t even have Netflix anyway.

Bush week

A fabricated event that supposedly occurs once a year where bush-dwellers come into the city only to be mugged, hoodwinked and get mocked for displaying socially unacceptable traits. Essentially making fun of Australian Outback communities’ customs.

City-dweller: You see that bloke running around without his top on? Got the Ned Kelly tat on his noggin’. What’s he going off about?

City-dweller 2: Dunno mate, some sh*t about earthworms. *sips latte*. These people are off their nut.

City-dweller: Bush week ay.

City-dweller 2: F*cken bush week.

Bushie

A sheila or bloke who hails from the bush.

City-dweller: Bushies are weird blokes.

Bushie: City-dwellers are snobs mate. Hate em all.

Bushman’s hanky

The cultured, sophisticated act of clearing one’s nasal passages through closing one nostril with a finger and then blowing.

Father: *sniffes*

Daughter: Mate, don’t even think about it. Do not f*cken think about it.

Father: About what darl?

Daughter: You know exactly what.

Father: No dramas, I’ll just use me hanky.

Daughter: DAD. F*CKEN GROSS!

Father, laughing: Yeah, me bushman’s hanky.

Bushranger

Though bushrangers don’t really exist anymore, they frequently roamed the Australian outback in the 19^th and early 20^th centuries. They were essentially highwaymen, who would hold up vehicles on desolate highways, often on horseback.

Bloke 1: Alright this is a hold up. I’m a bushman. Give us your gold, give us your saddle and give us your shillings.

Bloke in car: Mate, it’s the 21^st century. I drive a f*cken Toyato hilux. You have a sword and a horse. I’m just gonna drive off, and all you can do is gallop after me at a fraction of the speed this feral can clock. Back up mate.

Bushwhacked

To be excessively tired or exhausted.

Bloke 1: I’m fair dinkum bushwhacked mate. Where’s me coldies got to?

Bushwhacker

A bloke or sheila who hails from the bush.

Person 1: I reckon the trick is to just f*cken yank it real hard mate and it should come loose.

Person 2: What do you know mate? You’re a bushwhacker. All ya know how to do is drive ferals and drink piss.

Bushytailed

Someone who is bright and sparkly. Healthy, spiritually sound and optimistic.

Son: How’s nan doing mate?

Father: Grouse mate. Just won a fifty at the pokies. Looks as bushytailed as I’ve seen her in twenty years.

Son: She still on the winny blues?

Father: Yeah mate.

Son: She’s a trooper.

Bust

When the cops come knocking on your door after seeing that five-foot-tall marijuana plant growing in your backyard. It also means to go bankrupt or broke.

Person 1: Oi I’m fair dinkum gonna triple-zero if you knock off me bevvie one more time.

Person 2: Don’t chuck a hissy fit mate, what are they gonna bust me for?

Person 1: I dunno, maybe the twenty pingers you got in the lining of your jacket?

Person 2: F*ck me dead. I spose they could bust me for that one.

Butcher

The equivalent of a glass in Victoria, a butcher is a small glass of beer (smaller than a pot).

Bloke: Oi mate could I grab a butcher of Coopers?

Bartender: Oi, nah sorry bloke the smallest glass we do is a pint.

Bloke: Fair enough. Pint of Coopers then mate.

By jingoes

An expression of shock or surprise, usually framed in a positive context.

Bloke 1: By jingoes mate this is a ripper of an icy pole.

Sheila 1: Yeah, the trick is to use XXXX instead of ice.

BYO

Bring Your Own. Usually refers to alcohol, either where you have to bring your own booze for a party or to a restaurant.

C

Cack

To unleash a sh*t.

Person: how’s this for a pisser? I took a cack in the bloke’s workboots for rooting me missus! got him back good I reckon.

Cackhanded

To perform tasks, such as social interaction, with the grace of a particularly dimwitted Bunyip. To be awkward in many situations, both physical and societal.

Bloke 1: Deadset I gave it a go mate but the tinder date was just how ya garn’ from the get go. I was so cackhanded with the sheila she probably thought I was a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

Cactus

Dead. F*cked. Broken. Refers to the way cacti live in remote, arid areas, and how nobody can truly tell if they’re alive or not.

Tradie: F*ck me dead mate. Me Hilux is cactus.

Cakehole

A place where one shoves cake. No, not the asshole. The mouth.

Girl 1: He was such a spunk, we were both off our faces and he didn’t actually talk to me but he was definitely giving me a Captain Cook for yonks.

Girl 2: Shut your cakehole fatso, we were in a gay bar.

Call it a day

To finish whatever task is being completed, often in favour of getting on the piss.

Employee 1: Ah I reckon I’ll fill in one more spreadsheet before I call it a day, head home and hit up the coldies.

Employee 2: By jingoes mate it’s only midday.

Employee 1: Yeah, nah deadset? f*ck me dead mate I thought it was 7pm. It’s all the pingers I’ve been banging I reckon, they’ve gone and cooked me a right treat.

Employee 2: Nah, yeah mate you’re cooked. Fried to oblivion.

Came out like a shower shit

To come out with ease and speed. I suppose this is due to the extra lubrication the shower water provides, but I’ve never given it a test run. For now…

Aussie teenager to American principal: I don’t know why I called me teacher the ‘c’ word mate. Being strayan it just came out like a shower sh*t!

Canary

A sticker the coppers love to hand out to vehicles that some hoons reckon are roadworthy but sure as sh*t aren’t. A defective vehicle notice.

Sheila 1: Is that a canary on ya Feral Bazza? How’d that happen?

Bazza: Far out mate couldn’t tell ya. Bloody stitch-up I reckon. The coppers reckon I was doing burnouts on the freeway in the middle of peak hour in a car that ‘theoretically shouldn’t even turn on’. Just complete bulldust I reckon.

Can-do

Someone or something (often an attitude or personality trait) that is optimistic and skilled at performing certain tasks.

 Bloke 1: What’s with these pollys and their can-do attitude mate. They can’t f*cken do sh*t.

Bloke 2: Mate you’re a dero. They gotta have a can-do attitude otherwise why would anyone f*cken vote for them.

Bloke 1: I voted for Sir Donald Bradman mate, so couldn’t tell ya.

Cane it

To really put some elbow grease into something, to just f*cken’ go for it.

Cricket commentator: f*ck me dead Chris Gayle has caned that ball. He’s hit that at least 20 clicks away.

Cane toad

Somebody who hails from Queensland. Also those little frog-looking motherf*ckers that are poisonous as sh*t and destroy everything they damn well see.

Victorian: Oi you seen all those cane toads hopping around the city?

Victorian 2: Yeah mate, what’s that about?

Victorian: Dunno mate. One of em even tried to have a chinwag with me.

Victorian 2: Fair dinkum mate. Where do they get the nerve.

Camp oven

A big-ass cast-iron pot used on top of campfires to cook whatever animal was stupid enough to walk into your trap. Probably a koala, those blokes are deadset morons.

Campgoer: I’m just garn’ Bunnings to pick up a camp oven. Want me to snag a snag?

Campgoer 2: Oath.

Captain Cook

To have a look. Refers to, somewhat obviously, the explorer who discovered and kick-started the colonisation of Australia, Captain Cook.

Bloke 1: Yeah mate I lost me f*cken bottle opener in me ute. I’ll have a captain cook in there and see if I can find it, otherwise I’ll just have to use me teeth to open up these coronas.  

Caper

An Australian piece of slang that means literally everything but the actual food. Generally used to refer to an area that one’s occupation is in.

Me: Yeah mate, writing these deadset ripper Aussie slang terms while sucking down a few barrels of piss is me caper. Fair dinkum, oi?

Carpet grubs

Those absolute mongrel c*nts that are so bloody stupid they can’t even walk. I reckon they’re called infants or somethin’.

Teen: Oi mate, wanna hit up Playtime and sink a few bevvies on the arcade?

Teen 2: Yeah, nah mate, that joint is bustlin’ with carpet grubs.

Carry on like a porkchop

To throw a long-winded, unecessary tantrum over something minor. The meaning of this comes from the sound a pork chop makes while frying (hissing, spluttering and other general misbehaviours and interruptions).

Mother: Oi, Sam… no… would you… no I won’t… quit your carrying on like a pork chop and eat your f*cken snag or I’ll shove it where the sun don’t shine.

Cark it

To die.

Person 1: Did ya hear that Steve Irwin carked it mate?

Person 2: Crikey mate. What a tragedy. F*cken hope there’s a few crocs up in heaven for the bloke to wrangle.

Person 1: Oath mate. This VB and the next twenty are for Stevo.

Cat burying shit

If you saw a cat burying sh*t, you probably would be best-advised to not interrupt it. Very busy.

Person 1: Oi sheila you coming over to Bazza’s piss-up?

Person 2: Yeah nah mate, I’m as busy as a cat burying sh*t. Gotta get me ute fixed up cause some deadsh*t put petrol in it when the f*cker runs on diesel.

Person 1: Deadset?

Person 2: Yeah, fair dinkum nongs some blokes are.

Catch forty winks

To have a snooze, usually a pretty bloody good one. Now the name of a popular mattress and bedding store found in Straya.

Tradie 1: Mate after all this hard yakka I reckon I might go and catch some forty winks in the porta-loo. If the boss asks tell him I had Indian for dinner last night.

Centralia

That place in Australia where there is quite literally f*ck all but desert. The centre of Australia.

Mate 1: Ay mate, wanna go for a road trip to Centralia?

Mate 2: Yeah, nah.

Chalkie

Aussie/Kiwi slang for a schoolteacher. Named as such due to, well, blackboards, and how teachers use them, and to use these blackboards, they need to use chalk.

Nobody, ever: Yeah, when I grow up I reckon I want a well-paying job, so my dream is to become a chalkie. If that doesn’t work out, I can always become a sports chalkie!

Champers

A short way of saying champagne. Cos you know, time is money and all.

Girl 1: I reckon we get some champers, some goon, some coldies and head out the bush and just rage. What you reckon?

Girl 2: I reckon you got your head screwed on the right way mate.

Checkout chick

A cashier. A sheila that blokes often fall in love with when buying their slabs of VBs and she smiles at them and wishes them ‘a fantastic night’ while they don’t realise she works on tips. Nah just kiddin, we ain’t Seppos, nobody works for tips in Straya.

Bloke: so I was at woolies?

Sheila: Why are ya sayin it like a question, boofhead.

Bloke: Oh, yeah, too right. Well I was at woolies, and the checkout chick looked at me. She was a goer too.

Sheila: Mate, she looked at ya? That’s it?

Bloke: Yeah, I reckon she froths me.

Sheila: Do ya mate? Well I reckon you’re a dickhead.

Cheerio

A primarily British, particularly sarcastic term used to replace goodbye when you reveal to someone that you have categorically stitched them up.

Person to hotel receptionist: Oi, yeah, enjoy that floater I just left for ya in ya establishment’s public toilets. Yeah that’s right mate, all of em. Cheerio.

Cheese & kisses

Slang for missus, which in of itself is slang for partner of the female variety. Yes, it’s because they rhyme. Deal with it.

Jerry: I’d love to blow into ya pissup mate but I promised the cheese and kisses I’d catch up on Neighbours with her. Ripper episode coming up this week mate.

Cheesed off

Pissed off. I’m not too sure where, why, or how cheesed came into the situation, but it did and it’s Straya so shut up about it or I’ll set a bunch of snakes on ya

Friend 1: If ya drop any more of ya so called ‘pissers’ about kangaroos I’m gonna be fumin’.

Really straight-up cheesed off mate.

Friend 2: Yeah, nah fair call. *pause* oi but, ya heard the one about the beer made by a roo? It’s mostly made out of hops!

Cheesy grin

A sh*t-eating, ‘f*ck yeah I told you so I’m better than you deal with it’ grin. More of a smirk than anything — a fake, insincere, often malolvent smile.

Person: Deadset mate, take that cheesy grin off ya gob or I’ll give ya a knuckle sandwich.

Chew and spew

A fast-food joint that sells sh*t quality food that ends up making you chunder.

Person 1: Oi c*nt, wanna go for a Macca’s run in me Feral?

Person 2: Nah bugger off mate, that sh*t’s rank for ya. Had enough of that chew and spew joint. Let’s just go to the pokies instead and crack open a few stubbies. Much healthier

Chew the fat

To have a serious chinwag session. To chat extensively, especially about completely useless sh*t.

Sheila 1: Yeah, nah ran into Dazza at Woolies yonks ago. Chewed the fat a bit, he spilled the beans on ol’ Laurs’ root fiasco with her bloke’s ol’ man. Crikey mate what a furphy.

Sheila 2: As an Australian women this all makes perfect sense to me.

Chewie

Chewing gum.

Bloke 1: Oi chuck us a chewie would ya mate?

Bloke 2: Hmm, yeah, nah get f*cked.

China plate

Yeah, nah. Stop thinking it. I know what you’re thinking. Why would a plate literally made of china be slang? How could it possibly be slang? That’s just straight up what it is right? Nah, yeah c*nt stitched-up again, it’s slang for mate. Obviously.

Bloke: What’s doin’ china plate?

Sheila: Yeah, nah, f*ck all buggalug. How’s the cheese and kisses?

Bloke: Yeah, nah, she’ll be right mate. How’s the ol’ man.

Sheila: Nah, yeah, ya know?

Bloke: Yeah, nah, fair dinkum mate.

Chinwag

A conversation, often small-talk, gossipy or concerning nothing of importance.

Derived its name from the disturbing thought of chin’s wagging while speaking.

Bloke: I chucked a sickie so we could have a right old chinwag at the pub.

Chippie

Slang for a carpenter.

Person: Oi mate, wanna call up the chippie to help us fix the table up? sh*t got broken last time Bazza came round and started singing Waltzing Matilda in his steel-capped Ugg Boots

Choc a bloc

Full, to the brim, bursting at the seams.

Mate: Yeah all the relos are over for Chrissie mate. House is f*cken choc-a-bloc with blokes and sheilas.

Choccy Biccy

A biscuit either: made from chocolate, containing chocolate, or both.

Person 1: You get the choccy biccies?

Person 2: Yeah, couldn’t grab the tim-tams but. They were f*cken sold out.

Person 1: Strewth! What’d ya get then?

Person 2: … Chocolate digestives…

Choke a darkie

A real imaginative way of expressing that one needs to, or is possibly in the sneaky process of, taking a sh*t.

Girlfiend: I’ll be back any tic of the clock mate. Just gotta choke a darkie.

Chokkie

Chocolate.

Bloke 1: Oi chuck as some chokkie would ya mate?

Bloke 2: Hmm, yeah, nah get f*cked mate.

Choof off

In this context, choof can be used interchangably with move. To go along, leave. It is also slang for marijuana.

Stoner: Alright bro I’ll just have one more billy of that choof and then I’ll choof off.

Chook

A female chicken.

Son: What’s for dinner? I really feel like some chook. Need something to line me gut for all the tinnies we’re gonna smash tonight.

Mother: Alright darl, KFC it is.

Son: F*cken oath mum!

Mother: Language Baz! Any more cursing and I’ll cancel your patented piss-up!

Chop and change

To continue to alter or change a plan, a way of thinking, or generally be indecisive.

Woman: Actually nah, I changed me mind, I’m frothin some Italian tucker.

Woman 2: If you chop and change what ya want one more time I’m gonna piff my purse at ya.

Choppers

Not to be confused with esteemed criminal Chopper Reid (yeah that’s right, esteemed. Strayan’s revere criminals cos that’s where we all come from mate), this is generally used to refer to teeth, often false ones.

Elderly man: Darl, have ya seen me choppers? Had a captain cook everywhere but they’re bloody nowhere to be found?

Elderly woman: Have ya checked the bog ya drongo?

Elderly man: Ah the bog… the bog… Yep, they were in the bog.

Chrissie

Short for Christmas.

Son: Wake the f*ck up mum I want me Chrissie prezzies.

Christmas grip

To firmly grasp someone’s testicles, often in a manner that is not sexual, or very Christmasy, but in fact intended to cause severe physical and emotional pain.

Person: I’m being f*cken deadset, if ya don’t stop playing funny buggers with me bloody car stereo I will give ya a christmas grip that’ll stick in ya memory for at least the next five years.

Chuck

Literally means ‘to throw’ but its usage has been generalised for it to be synonymous with ‘have’.

Bazza *looks at torrential rain*: f*ck yeah mate, ripper weather to chuck a bush pissup I reckon.

Chuck a leftie

This means to turn left, I think somewhat obviously, but I may be a bit biased, because rubbish like: Yeah, nah alright mate straight through big sticks oi ya VB-sinking poofter, makes perfect sense to me too.

Bloke: Yeah just chuck a leftie here mate and the pub’s just round the block. Oi, yeah, nah mate, ya other left!

Chuck a sickie

The Aussie tradition of taking a day of work claiming that you’re sick when in all reality you’re either hungover or wanna ditch work because there’s a piss-up for the Triple J Hottest 100 that you don’t wanna miss.

Bloke: Bazza invited me too mate but I gotta do some hard yakka instead!

Bloke 2: Chuck a sickie mate, you can’t miss Bazza’s. It’s gonna be nasty.

Bloke: Fair dinkum? You know what? I reckon I been sniffing a bit. Bit too unwell for any of that yakka, hard or not.

Bloke 2: You little ripper.

Chuck a spaz

To have an inconsolable tantrum, usually regarding something completely inconsequential and juvenile. It can also occasionally be used, rather inappropriately, towards somebody having a psychotic episode. (It’s Straya c*nt, anything goes. Kind of.)

Suzie: I can’t believe it mate, for just one night I wanted to have a nice family dinner together with the TV off. I even offered to record Neighbours for Bazza. But he chucked a complete spaz, sayin he’d never forgive me if he missed this episode and that our marriage was ‘corompised’. I reckon he meant compromise. Anyway after a durry and a tinnie he was alright, but fair dinkum couldn’t believe him carrying on like a pork chop over it.

Jason: Fair play I reckon, Neighbours is a bloody ripper show.

Chuck a U-ie

To chuck a u-turn, usually when driving but also through other modes of transport.

Aussie GPS: Yeah good one f*ckwit ya just missed the f*ckin turn. Ya gonna have to chuck a U-ie at the next intersection. Don’t miss this one ya dumbc*nt or I’m deadset shutting off me power.

Chuffed

To be very excited, happy, or pleased about something.

Bloke, grinning: Yeah, what can I say? I’m straight-up chuffed. This is, without a doubt, the best tatt you’ve ever given me.

Tattoo artist: Yeah mate. Tattoos of the Southern Cross are popular for a reason. *wiping tear from his eye* f*cken ‘straya c*nt.

Bloke, whispering: Straya. Oath.

Chunder

To vomit. A word that emulates the sound one makes when releasing the goods. The use of this term is usually related to drinking 20+ VBs.

Teen 1: That goon ain’t making me feel so good mate. I think I need to chunder.

Teen 2: Haha you f*cken dero. Go on. If you get any on me I’ll wallop ya mate.

Ciggy

Slang term for cigarette.

Bloke 1: Give us a ciggy c*nt.

Bloke 2: Yeah, nah get f*cked.

Circle work

Fair and honest True Blue work. To pull a few donuts, or burnouts, generally in the most obnoxious place conceivable, like a Kluck and Chuck drive-through.

Bloke in his bomb, admiring a few burnouts: That is some fair dinkum circle work. I bet the owner of this paddock will be real impressed with how round me circles are.

Clackers

Based on the word ‘cloaca’ which is possessed by birds, platypus’ and other animals. It is a singular hole where their excrement is shipped off, normally arriving at the bush floor. It has since extended its meaning to include anuses from all walks of life. 

Teen 1: Hahaha oi mate you ever seen bird from underneath? They got this weird looking hole doovalacky goin on there.

Teen 2: Yeah it’s called a clacker mate. But if I were you I wouldn’t go loitering underneath birds.

Teen 1: Why?

*Splat*

Clanger

To make a mistake, error. Based on a football statistic where a turnover or error is officially recorded as a clanger.

Carlton supporter: F*ck me mate. This c*nt is the king of the f*cking clanger. THINK BEFORE YOU KICK THE BALL. F*cken drongo. I could play better than this dumbc*nt.

Person 2: Yeah, nah, look at your beer belly mate. You couldn’t play for Gold Coast.

Clap trap

Rubbish, bullsh*t, nonsense, often being spouted from someone’s mouth. Very similar to that insufferable little f*cker from Borderlands, in that it is useless and serves no purpose to anyone other than to irritate.

Person: Yeah, nah mate I kid ya not this Furphy I’m drinkin is clearly a better bevvie than a VB. I’ve sunk five of each and directly compared em and I’m being fair dinkum when I say that VB ain’t the best Strayan amber fluid! Hard to believe mate but its true.

Person 2: Pass us a tinnie would ya mate cos I seriously don’t give a f*ck about whatever clap trap it is ya gob is spewing.

Clapped out

To be buggered, really tired, often after a long day of hard yakka.

Teen: Aw look sorry mate I’d love to come check out ya chook house but I’m bloody clapped out after wagging all day. Gonna go home and catch some forty weeks.

Clayton’s

A lack of commitment, falsified, a poor replica. Refers to the non-alcoholic beverage from the 1980s named Clayton’s. Imagine that. A non-alcoholic beer.

Wanna kick back and sink a Clayton’s mate?

Wanna get f*cked mate?

Cleanskin

Wines, generally purchased wholesale, that are clear of any markings or stickers so they can be reproduced under a specific brand, often gifts. Also refers to cows who haven’t had their ears tagged.

Farmer: Yeah I bought a few cleanskins the other day. Beauties ain’t they?

Farmer 2: Yeah mate. Can’t wait to drink a few of em. What you gonna brand em as?

Farmer: ‘F*cken oath c*nt vines’.

Clear as mud

Something that is as obvious as mud is clear. So, is mud clear? I’ll let you figure it out from here.

Truckie leaning out of window: Yeah c*nt so ya just take a leftie here on this map, then I reckon ya get to about the point in the desert where there ain’t no cactuses no more and ya just chuck a chewie cos there’ll be a GAFA sign that leads to a dirt track ya gotta follow. Eventually if ya just swerve around the bushes and sh*t ya’ll end up at the watering hole!

Lost tourist: Thanks, mate. That was as clear as mud.

Truckie, chucking him a thumbs up: Always happy to help mate!

Clear the cobwebs

To, after a long day of drinking, smash a coffee and unload a technicolour yawn. To clear one’s head after feeling a bit foggy, often due to serious drug use.

Husband: Ready to go out darl?

Wife: Yeah mate, just lemme rip a bong to clear the ol’ morning cobwebs and I’ll head on out for a Bunnings snag with ya.

Click

Aussie slang for a kilometre.

Person: Yeah mate the boozer is just a few clicks up the road, we’ll be there soon as.

Person 2: Easy as mate.

Clobber

To belt someone over the head, often with a club, rolled up newspaper or stubby of XXXX.

Person: One more word about how much ya think AC/DC is ‘overrated’ and I’ll clobber ya over the head with their entire discography, which I, as a deadset ripper Aussie bloke, own.

Clod hoppers

A shoe that looks more like it belongs on a clown or horse than a real human being. An unnaturally large and ridiculous shoe.

Teen: What the f*ck are ya wearing mate? Are ya trying out for a job at the circus with those clod hoppers on? That’s just not on mate.

Teen 2: Nah mate you’re off the mark on that one. Me mum reckons that classy shoes are a right turn-on for the sheilas so I reckon I’m coming out ahead.

Clucky

When a sheila is in a brooding mood generally due to hormones. Has a direct correlation to the maternal instinct and often means the woman wants to have a child soon.

Bloke 1: Hahah Jimmy mate you got a ciggy butt brain.

Bloke 2: You’re a fair dinkum mongrel Jimmy mate.

Sheila: Oi c*nts. Leave Jimmy alone. F*cken wankers. I’ll look after ya Jimmy come with me.

Bloke 1: Relax mate far out. Someone’s a bit clucky ay?

Coathanger

The Sydney Harbour Bridge. I guess it looks like a coathanger, if you were to squint and had just been hit in the head by a Brett Lee bouncer.

Victorian: Where’s the Coathanger mate? I can’t see it.

NSW person: Are you blind mate? It’s f*cken right there on the harbour.

Victorian: Yeah, I see the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Don’t see no f*cking coathanger but. I got some wet clothes mate and I need em dried on the quick.

Cobber

A good, solid old friend. Similar to mate, but a bit more personal & meaningful.

Bloke 1: Mate can you toss us a VB?
Bloke 2: Bloody oath. It’s on the house.
Bloke 1: Cheers, cobber!

Cockeyed

Something that is off-centre, crooked, a bit foolish or impractical.

Bloke 1: Mate, that drawing ya did for ya missuses birthday is a bit cock-eyed. A bit how ya garn. It looks like she wants to eat human flesh or something.

Cockie

Short for the devil’s incarnate—cockatoos. Noisy, messy, these beasts sent straight from hell cause mayhem and destruction ill-befitting of their short stature. They are lamentably found all throughout Australia and are very social parrots, meaning that their loudness extends beyond what could be expected at an AC/DC concert.

Cockroach

Someone from New South Wales. Probably due to the large amount of cockroaches that reside in New South Wales.

Queenslandian: Oi cockroach, stop talking about the Sydney Opera House. None of us give a sh*t.

Cock up

f*ck up, mess up. To completely screw something.

American beer lover: What’s this beer called? Uh Victorian… Better? Oh, bitter. VB. Yeah it’s a bit sh*t I think. I would rather drink a finely-tuned dark ale with notes of citrus and lemongrass honestly.

Aussie beer lover, tapping cricket bat against the floor while a group slowly begin to circle the Yank: You’ve garn and cocked this one up seppo.

Cocky

short for cockatoo, the foul, noisy, messy, spawns of Satan that exist all throughout Australia like aerial, malevolent kangaroos.

Person 1: Ya know what I really want? A pet cocky. I reckon that’d be a right pisser.

Person 2: Are you a f*ckwit? Few screws loose up there? Ya can’t be fair dinkum. That is the single worst idea I’ve ever heard. I give it two weeks before that one goes to the dogs. ANd I mean literally. Leave em be in the wild mate, they don’t belong in ya house unless ya like cleaning up sh*t for a living.

Codger

A friendly term for someone who is a regular bloke, generally elderly or used in jest toward middle-aged men.

Bloke 1: Happy 40^th birthday you old codger. Got your will and testament ready yet mate?

Bloke 2: Each day is another day closer to the end.

Coffin nail

A f*cken durry mate. Might have somethin to do with the serious rates of chronic illness and mortality associated with long-term dart punching, but, yeah, nah, that couldn’t be it.

Bloke: Pass us a coffin nail would ya? I didn’t get any veggies into me bread basket for lunch so I need somethin healthy to even it out.

Cold as a witch’s tits

Really bloody cold. This one actually has an interesting backstory.

Oh, ya wanted me to share it did ya? f*cken pay up then mate, where’s the brass at? Yeah, nah cheers mate. Anyway, back in the days of Salem and all that weird sh*t, witches were portrayed as having icy-cold, wrinkled skin. They were also thought to have weird markings on their tits, hence this piece of Strine, so they could breast-feed the devil himself. What a stitch-up that would be mate.

Coldie

A beer. Refers to the fact that beers are drunk cold. They are not drunk warm. I repeat: they are not drunk warm.

Bloke: Oi chuck us a coldie from the esky would ya? These Coopers are warm as piss.

Come a gutser

To have a near-catastrophic accident or failure. Of course, when I say near-catastrophic I mean spilling a VB or falling off the back of a Ute going 10 clicks an hour.  

Person 1: Oi mate you’ve seriously come a gutser on this one. How the f*ck could ya put your mortgage up on black? The casino always wins mate. The casino always f*cken wins.

Roulette rolls black

Person 1: Well, f*ck me dead c*nt. You’re a f*cken trooper mate.

Come the raw prawn

A phrase used in protest of someone trying to hoodwink you. Best served in response to bullsh*t of any kind. Essentially means ‘don’t f*ck with me, mate’.

Bloke 1: Yeah, nah mate. I don’t have ya lighter mate you probably lost it in the billabong when you ripped that billy.

Person 2: Don’t come the raw prawn with me mate. Show us ya pockets.

Come to blows

A term which means a disagreement or argument turns into a fully-fledged fight, usually verbal but sometimes physical

Kyle: Yeah, nah we deadset nearly came to blows mate. I’m being Fair Dinkum. This sheila just straight-up would’nt beleive me that a furphy was a Strayan beer. f*ckin derros mate.

Common as dogshit

I mean go for a walk in your local dog park and I reckon you’ll find dogsh*t to be a pretty common commodity.

Seppo: Gosh, I expected there to be more Roos around here, but I haven’t seen any yet?

Aussie bloke: Yeah, nah no sh*t c*nt ya in the city. Head out to the bush mate, they’re as common as dogsh*t in the GAFA.

Compassionate as a starving shark

They always tell ya about Straya’s venemous snakes and spiders and jellyfish, but they often gloss over the fact we got some seriously f*cking huge sharks around our beaches that, when hungry, wouldn’t hesitate to consume someone looking to plop a brown-eyed-mullet. Not compassionate.

Bloke 1: Nah f*ck Dazza. I don’t give a rat’s arse if he’s lost his job, the bloke owes me a slab of Toohey and I’ll be bloody getting it or else he’ll be getting a bash.

Bloke 2: Fair dinkum mate, you’re about as compassionate as a starving shark!

Bloke 1: Yeah but has hungry as one too. Hook us up with a XXXX would ya?

Compo

Short for compensation. Often used in a financial sense, ie. Injury compensation.

Bloke 1: Yeah they bought it mate. Classic stitch-up, they reckon the x-rays are legit.

Bloke 2: What an investment that computer scanner was mate. Absolute ripper of a purchase.

Bloke 1: Yeah mate. Compo is gonna be bonkers. Gonna cash it all in for a few tinnies I reckon.

Bloke 2: Legend.

Conch

Short for conscientious. While some Aussie shortenings of words are a bit how ya garn, I reckon this one’s fair dos. Who has the time to say conscientious when we got piss to slam!

Boyfriend making speech at partner’s 21^st: I’m so proud of her. She’s turned from a fair dinkum brat into a mature, conch adult.

Cooee

Helpfully, this term has two uses which mean EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE. It can either mean literally nearby, or, you guessed it, figuratively far away. Best avoid using this one at all unless you’re an experienced, honorary Aussie.

Mate 1: Yeah mate it’s just within a cooee’s distance of Birdsville.

Mate 2: Yeah, nah mate, I have absolutely no idea what you mean by that one. No f*cken clue.

Cook

A misogynistic term that isn’t used much at all anymore. Refers to a mans wife, because, well, that’s probably self-explanatory.

Sheila: Bazza. I’ve told you. It’s not ‘larrikin behaviour’ to call me that. It’s downright sexist mate.

Bazza: Yeah, nah cook. Cook us a sandwich would ya?

Sheila: Alright dickhead. I’m out. See ya.

Bazza: Where ya off to?

Sheila: Gonna root all of your mates.

Bazza: Fair dinkum? Fair enough mate. Probably deserve that one.

Cooking with gas

As opposed to cooking without gas (theoretically or literally) which is a bloody moronic idea, this phrase when a plan is starting to come along, or to get closer to achieving something after multiple failed attempts.

Bloke 1: Mate I can’t get through these bloody coldies. Some yobbo decided to stock up on craft beers for a pisser. What a f*ckhead.

Bloke 2: What if I told ya I can get em replaced with some f*cken VB in two shakes?

Bloke 1: If ya could tell me that, and it deadset sounds like you are, I reckon we’d be cooking with gas on this one mate.

Bloke 2: I’ll get right to it then cobber.

Cop it sweet

To accept over-the-top legislation, punishment and general poor behaviour without saying or reacting negatively. Was crafted into a well-known doco on the ABC about police brutality in Sydney.

Person 1: Really mate? Ya just gonna pay over sixty bucks for a slab of stubbies and just cop it sweet? I woulda gone to atleast 5 different woolies to save a few brass.

Person 2: Yeah, nah. Need piss down me gob now mate. Been a day filled with hard yakka, I’m buggered.

Coppers

Police. The fuzz. The 50. Piggies. Unlike the element copper, if someone says it’s coming, you best be running.

Stoner: Ah sh*t man, it’s the coppers.

Stoner 2: F*ck. Turn down the music man. If they hear us listening to the Beatles they’re gonna know we’re trippin’.

Corker

Something that is bloody good. An action, object or bloke that is excellent.

Mate: I tell you what c*nts, this is a corker of a day. Got the sheila, the boys, the girls, a few bevvies and a few Winnie Blues. I’m stoked mate. Absolutely bloody stoked about this day.

Cork it

Shut up, or stop it. Short for ‘put a cork in it!’

Sheila: Mate I’d cork it if I were you cos you’re deadset the most cooked looking bloke I’ve seen since that crocodile got on its hind legs and starting havin’ a chinwag with me.

Corroboree

A native Australian ceremony where Aboriginals perform sacred rituals through dance, costume and other customs. Can also be a more informal, less religious gathering among Native Australians.

Bloke 1: You see the corroboree out in the bush the other day mate?

Bloke 2: Yeah had a squiz mate. Looked f*cken sick.

Bloke 1: Oath mate.

Cossie or cozzie

Bathers, swimwear. Includes: bikinis, trunks and of course, budgie smugglers.

Girl 1: Got your cozzie? Girl 2: Oath. Girl 1: Sick as. Let’s go for a swim.

Couldn’t drive a greasy stick out of a dead dog’s arse

Means to be a deadset sh*t driver. The kind of bloke or sheila that gets lost on a one-way road in the GAFA.

P-plater: Did ya just cut me off ya drongo f*ck?

Driver: Yeah, nah mate ya somehow tried to overtake me on a one-lane road. Pretty questionable policy on that one mate. I don’t reckon you could drive a bloody greasy stick out of a dead dog’s arse.

Counter lunch

A lunch that is served at a pub or a bar. Named as such because the meal would be eaten at a counter.

Tradie: I could go a counter lunch I reckon.

Tradie 2: Yeah the boozer up the road sells parmas and pots for 10 bucks mate.

Tradie: Strewth mate, that’s bloody fantastic.

Country cousin

Although this is typically slang for dozen, the incestous connotation of this phrase may still be applicable to Taswegians. Yeah, nah, just kidding. Classic pisser but.

Wife: Did ya get me the country cousin of bum nuts?

Husband: Bugger me dead I let that one through to the keeper. I’ll blow through the servo and grab em.

Cozzie

Bathers, swimwear. Includes: bikinis, trunks and of course, budgie smugglers.

Girl 1: Got your cozzie?

Girl 2: Oath.

Girl 1: Sick as. Let’s go for a swim.

Crack a fat

To pop a chubby. To get wood. To acquire an erection.

Mate 1: Oi c*nt. Be real with me here. Last night in the club, when that chick came up to ya and started talking to ya. Did you crack a fat?

Mate 2: Oi, nah, nah nah nah, yeah, nah mate. That’s cooked mate. I did not.

Mate 1: Alright mate. I just reckon I saw something going on down under.

Mate 2: Nah mate. You were off your face. You don’t know what you saw.

Crack onto

To hit on someone of the opposite or same sex, intentionally, and often unsuccessfully.

Girl 1: This bloke named Bazza cracked onto me at the bar on Friday.

Girl 2: Fair dinkum? What’d you say.

Girl 1: I told him to get f*cked.

Crack the shits

Throwing a tantrum, often over something of little significance. Being wound up by your mates.

Bloke 1: F*ckin hell I’ve had it up to here with you lot. Piss off.
Bloke 2: Alright mate don’t crack the sh*ts, we’ll stop using tippety.

Cranky

In a shit mood. Irritable, angry and prone to yelling at inanimate objects performing slightly slower than desired.

Office worker: THIS PIECE OF SH*T COMPUTER WON’T F*CKEN WORK. ALL I NEED TO DO IS PRINT SOME DUMB PAPER MATE. HOW F*CKEN HARD IS THAT. F*CKEN DUMBC*NT COMPUTER.

Office worker 2: Gee-whiz mate, you’re a bit cranky.

Office worker: Yeah sorry cobber. Just quit the Winnie blues.

Crap on

To talk down, or criticise someone or something, often in an unnecessary manner.

Hippie: Dude, like, I know you think that craft beers aren’t great, but like, that’s just your opinion? You don’t need to crap on me for not being a huge fan of corporate beers like VB man. Chill out.

Bloke, struggling against his mate’s restraints: Yeah, nah get f*cked c*nt, I’m gonna bash the sh*t outta ya.

Crapper

Dunny. Loo. Sh*t-hole. Toilet.

Person 1: Oi mate, where’s the crapper?

Person 2: Round the back mate. Watch out for creepy-crawleys.

Crash hot

This phrase means something that is super, super impressive, however is often used in the negative.

Mate 1: Brendan mate… that mullet you’re rocking… it just ain’t so crash hot. Brendan: Yeah, nah bugger off mate. I’m lookin’ the deadset best I ever have.

Cream

Generally a sports reference, where on team banishes another to the shadow realm. To defeat (oftentimes destroy) by a huge amount.

Bloke 1: I can’t believe Gold Coast creamed the Tigers yesterday mate.

Bloke 2: Yeah mate. Unbelievable. What do you reckon happened?

Bloke 1: They were probably all on a pingers comedown I reckon. See no other possibility.

Creepy-crawley

Those blokes that have 6 or 8 legs that are meant to be small but can often be the size of a f*cking dinner plate. Insects, bugs, spiders. Named as such because they crawl, and they’re bloody creepy.

Person 1: I hate creepy-crawleys, from arachnids to Zubats.

Person 2: Mate, don’t get me wrong, I f*cken hate zubats too, but they’re not real. They’re from pokemon. Even if they were real, they’re big-ass bats, not insects. Did you really try to come up with a funny catch-phrase about insects, wait a week to use it, and not even realise it’s complete garbage?

Person 1: Yeah, nah. They’re real mate. Zubats are real as.

Crikey!

A term used to convey shock or surprise, globally popularised by Steve Irwin encountering extremely dangerous, 7-foot crocodiles up close.

The use of crikey nearly always precedes an exclamation mark, implied or otherwise.

Zookeeper: And crikey look at the size of the croc we have here! He’d have a fair go at chomping ya head off in one bite.
Zoo customer: I want to go home now.

Crook

To be sick. Can also be used as a verb ‘to go crook’ which means angry. This term has a third meaning, which refers to criminals or people who have a shady aura about them.

Bloke 1: Oi you coming Bazza’s?

Bloke 2: Nah mate I’m crook.

Bloke 1: Harden up c*nt.

Bloke 2: Yeah, nah, nah, nah, yeah alright. Fair call. I’ll rock up.  

Crow eater

Someone who hails from South Australia. This term came about due to the fact that in times of poverty South Australians were known to consume crows.

Bloke 1: Hey Dazza. Eaten any crows lately ya crow eater?

Bloke 2: Yeah, nah. I ate ya mum though ya sandgroper.

Crowbar

This is a tool that is used for prying and prising boxes and such that are forced such. It is a relatively thick yet light metal apparatus, and thus has became synonymous with crime. This is because crooks can pry open car trunks with the tool, or alternatively, bash their skulls in. 

Person 1: Got the crowbar?

Person 2: Yeah mate.

Person 1: Got the ski mask?

Person 2: Oath mate.

Person 1: Got the bolt cutters?

Person 2: Whaddya reckon mate?

Person 1: Alright. Let’s do it.

Person 2: Can’t wait to legally return these items to my local warehouse dealer, Bunnings, and get a snag on the way out!

Crust

Career, or job. Yeah, nah I got no idea about the meaning behind this one, but f*ck it. I’m not an Aussieslangologist. Actually, I guess I kinda am. Crikey! You might even say that’s my own crust!

Bloke on smoko: What’s ya crust mate?

Bloke 2: We work at the same f*cken job…

Cubby house

A child’s play area in the backyard in the form of a miniature house. Generally made from timber.

Child 1: Wanna play in my cubby house? It’s fully got electricity and stuff.

Child 2: Wow! Oath mate!

Cunning as a dunny rat

This phrase means extremely cunning, though I’m not sure why—are dunny rats cunning? I suppose they must be.

Bloke 1: This f*cken polly is as cunning as a dunny rat.

Bloke 2: Oath mate. They all are. Can’t trust em. The only blokes you can trust are the boys, and the blokes that brew VB. Everyone else can get stuffed.

Cunt

Generally, a pronoun for a person you know well, just met, love, hate and just about everything in between. 

Though becoming more taboo, the use of this curse word in Australia is commonplace relative to other cultures, and is often used interchangeably with mate.

Stranger 1: Hey, reckon I could grab a durry off you for me smoko?
Stranger 2: No worries c*nt.
Stranger 1: Cheers ya good c*nt.

Cuppa

A cup of coffee or tea.

Uni student: Group assignment and chill?

Uni student 2: Oh, no thanks, I’ll just let you do all the work maybe.

Uni student: Yeah, nah, come round to me unit and we can have a cudart.

Uni student 2: What’s that?

Uni student: Dessert. A cuppa and a durry.

Curly

A disparaging, and rather hilarious term for a bloke that’s hair has long departed. Because you know, how could they possibly have curly hair? f*ckin’ pisser.

High school reunion attendee: Bloody hell mate! Since when did ya become a curly? Didn’t ya give Ashley and Martin a call? I’ve heard they coulda fixed ya up right and good.

Cut lunch

Lunch that has been carried to work, school or a similar institution in a carry bag. Often involves sandwiches.

Schoolkid: What’s your cut lunch for today mate?

Schoolkid 2: Fairy bread mate. Yourself?

Schoolkid: Snag sanga mate.

Cut lunch commando

An older Aussie phrase that referred to military soldiers that worked in an office or somewhere outside of the military. Came about because they’d carry their ‘cut lunch’ to and from work, all the while being commandos.

Person 1: Yeah mate so I joined the army, can’t wait to get me guns and do some good for me True Blue countrymates.

Person 2: Mate, no offence, but you’re a cut lunch commando. You still work at Woolies.

Cut up

To be upset, criticised or devastated. Can also be used aggressively ie. to cut up. 

Bloke 1: Mate she called me a tub of lard. I’m cut up about it. F*cken uncalled for I reckon.

Bloke 2: Mate you smash twenty beers and five Bunnings sangas for dinner every day. I reckon she’s fair dinkum spot on.

D

Dacks

Aussie slang for pants, generally in reference to loose-fitting tracksuit pants that are commonly worn by those slugging about the house looking arse about.

Boyfriend: I know ya said ya weren’t keen for a root cos ya dog just died, but I reckon I got somethin that might change ya mind.

Girlfriend, crying: I doubt that.

Boyfriend: Yeah? Well suss out me Vegemite themed dacks!

Girlfriend: Bugger me dead that is atrocious. I’m not even blue anymore, just pissed off. Now if they were Milo trackies, you might’ve had a chance..

Dag

Someone who has little interest in social trends in fashion. Usually a bit of a nerd, a social outcast that is still popular. Not typically a derogatory term.

Mother: Aw son are you really not going to do your hair for your date?

Son: Yeah, nah mum. I look good as like this.

Mother: You’re such a dag Bazza.

Daggy

A backhanded compliment intended to describe someone as being uncool and unfashionable in such a way that is endearing to others.

Mother: Your school uniform doesn’t fit you properly. You look so daggy and cute honey!
Son: Ah get f*cked mum.

Daks

Tracksuit/sweat pants. Came about because Daks rhymes with tracky’s (which is a shortening of tracksuit). Elaborate, I know.

Sheila 1: You seriously wearing them daks on your date? Ya look like a yobbo.

Sheila 2: Yeah, nah. I look good as in em I reckon.

Sheila 1: Righto mate.

Damage

Has the same meaning as it normally does, except instead of being in reference to broken goods/bones, it is exclusively regarding excessive alcohol consumption

Alright c*nts, how much damage we gonna do tonight? I’m on for about 2 goon sacks and a f*ck-load of schooners.

Damper

Bread often made in the bush from flour and water over a campfire.

Bloke: Alright gather round c*nts, I’m gonna teach you little pooftas how to make some f*cken true blue damper.

Child: Daddy, what does c*nt mean?

Bloke: It means shut the f*ck up and listen to me mate.  

Dardy

A relatively rare piece of Aussie slang meaning cool. Mostly used by those of Aboriginal descent.

Person 1: Oi mate this billabong is fair dinkum dardy.

Dark as three feet up a cow’s arsehole

For something like this, the phrase ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’ comes to mind. I have nothing else to offer on the matter.

Bloke: Fair dinkum mate I’d love to go out and grab us a few frothies but it’s as dark as three feet up on a cow’s arshole here and the closest bottle-o is 4 clicks away. I reckon we can just, literally, hit the bottles of turps I got in me man cave.

Darwin stubbie

A big f*cken bottle of beer. Coming in at 2.25 liters (no idea what that is in Imperal measurements and I don’t give a f*ck either cos it’s Straya mate) this behemoth, found primarily in the Top End, was the amber fluid’s answer to the goonsack. A true hero of Aussie culture.

Kid: Dad, what’s for dinner?

Father: Mick mate, I’m too busy to cook anything so I reckon a couple of durries and a Darwin stubbie should keep ya full until breaky.

Date

The black abyss, the place of no return. The anus.

Bloke: I’d always heard stories of it. You know, furphies passed around from bloke to bloke. But I never knew it was true. It went way up in me date, and mate, I’m not a poofta, but it was fair dinkum grouse.

Bloke 2: Crikey mate. Don’t think I’ll be getting a physical anytime soon. What if I crack a fat?

Dead horse

This phrase rhymes with tomato sauce and therefore it means tomato sauce. We will not be taking questions.

Bloke: Oi pass us the dead horse to chuck on me dog’s eye cheers mate.

Dead marine

An empty bottle. The deserted soldiers of the wasteland, having fought bravely to serve their purpose, must be swept from the field less their souls remain caged and tortured, ready to give up their lives (or in this case, Ice Cold Piss) once again.

Liv: Yeah, nah, just let me clear up these dead marines and we can head out to the Gizzy pub.

Deadset

Absolute classic Aussie term. Essentially means ‘for real’. Can be employed as a question or a way of asserting sincerity to a story that seems a bit how ya garn.

Stoner: Mate this bud got me so stoned I was still off my face when I went to work the next day.

Stoner 2: Deadset mate? That’s cooked. Can I buy some off ya mate?

Stoner: Yeah, no dramas. Fifty bucks a gram mate.

Stoner 2: That seems like a fair and reasonable price.

Defo

Short for definitely.

Bloke 1: Oi you coming to Bazza’s mate?

Bloke 2: Defo mate. Wouldn’t miss that for the world.

Dekko

To have a squizz, a look about. A captain cook.

Person: Deadset, I kid ya not, VB slabs were goin at 80 bucks. That’s the most exy, ripoff price I ever seen in me life. So I went with this el cheapo sh*t called ‘Tun’. Probably tastes like garbage but piss is piss after all.

Deli

Short for delicatessen. Can refer to a corner shop/milk bar or somewhere that sells cheeses and cold meats depending on Australian region.

Person 1: Headed to the deli mate, gonna grab some smokes. Anything else you after?

Person 2: Yeah, smoked ham goes real well with swiss cheese mate. Wouldn’t mind some of that on me sanga.

Der

The True Blue version of ‘duh’. Not really different except that it sounds cooler than the one Billie Eilish does in a Strine accent.

Person 1: Grog is the best. Person 2: Yeah, nah. Der.

Dero

Short for derelict. Usually means someone who is homeless, sleeps rough or is a social outcast due to behavioural issues such as alcoholism or drug addiction.

Bloke 1: Mate last night was cooked. Took a few pingers and ended up sleeping in the kid’s playpen. Was a bloody ripper.

Sheila 1: You’re such a dero Bazza, I think you need to go to rehab.

Bloke 1: Yeah, nah.  

Devo

Short for devastated.

Person 1: Nah, yeah I’m deadest devo about that mate. Can’t believe me f*cken bottle-o was out of VB. Had to buy a slab of Melbourne Bitter mate, bit how ya garn that stuff is.

Dial

Someone’s face. This is due to a watchface having a dial. A rather clever one, don’t ya reckon?

Mother: Come on ya carpet grub, I’ll put on an episode of the wiggles and we’ll see if that’ll put a smile on ya dial!

Dick stickers

Unholy form of male swimwear that really leaves little to the imagination. They are essentially tight trunks, Speedos.

Billabong employee: Yeah mate what kinda swimwear ya after?

Customer: Some dick stickers mate, looking to show off me parcel to the lovely beach ladies.

Billabong employee: Mate that’s illegal in some states. Wait no. It’s illegal in all states.

Customer: So why do you sell em then mate?

Billabong employee: Gotta make a quid somehow mate.

Dickhead

This is an insult that implies its recipient has a dick for a head. It can be used ribbingly or maliciously. Stupid, silly, foolish, moronic.

Friend 1: Oi dickhead.

Friend 2: What c*nt.

Friend 1: Nuthin. Just wanted to tell ya that you’re a dickhead.

Friend 3: Yeah he’s a bit of a dickhead ay?

Friend 2: F*ck youse c*nts.

Dig

To like someone or something.

Bloke 1: I dig VB.

Bloke 2: I dig Winnie Blues.

Bloke 1: Foath.

Bloke 2: Ripper.

Digger

A dated term that was used around World War 1 to refer to Aussie soldiers.

Aussie soldier: You ever been to diggers rest? I went there to pay me respects to the fallen diggers.

Bloke 2: You know there aren’t any graves there right? It’s called diggers rest because those digging in the gold rush would rest there.

Aussie soldier: Nah, yeah. I knew that. I’m not a drongo mate. It was metaphorical.

Bloke 2: Yeah, righto whacker.

Dill

A generally affectionate term used to refer to someone who is or does something stupid or idiotic.

Son: Yeah I reckon these groceries will add up to 24 bucks.

Cashier: That’ll be 58 bucks thanks.

Mother: Hahaha, you’re such a dill. Not even close mate.

Dim sims

As all things Strayan do, this makes perfect sense. A dumpling-style Chinese cuisine found only in Australia that is often had steamed or deep-fried. Yeah nah mate, we won’t be taking any questions.

SON: Alright I’ll order a Flake and 3 Dim Sims!

Father, voice obscured by his beer belly: THREE! Deadset mate you’ll have a muffin top in no time from shovin’ all that sh*t down yer gob.

Ding

This term refers to damage done to a vehicle, be it a car, bike or skateboard, usually due to a collision.

Bloke 1: Mate, my ute woulda been fair dinkum dinged if I didn’t have me roo bar.

Dinger

The asshole. Well not just the asshole, but the cheeks too. The whole region down there.

Sheila: Crikey you’ve got a deadset fair dinkum dinger on ya! I’m green as on that one. Guess it makes up for ya fried eggs but.

Dingbat

Dickhead, moron. Somebody who might stick a knife in a toaster, or a tongue in an electrical socket.

Woman: I tell ya what, ya’d have to be a straight-up dingbat to think that parma is said parmi. Only an absolute dickhead would think that.

Dingo’s breakfast

Skipping breakfast. This phrase means to get up, suss out your surroundings, have a stretch and of course, a good piss. This is undoubtedly exactly what dingos do upon waking. 

Son: Eggs for breakfast dad?

Father: Yeah, nah mate, get f*cked. You’re in luck though, we get to have a dingo’s breakfast.

Son: What’s that?

Father: A good dose of none of yer f*cken beeswax.

Dink

To let someone stand on the back of your bike while ya ride to the servo to grab some Warheads and a pack of smokes after wagging school.

Kid: Wanna come for a dink on me BMX mate? I’ll take ya to the pub.

Father: Ya know what son? I’ll take ya up on that. Any way I can get to the pub without doing any yakka is a bloody ripper way.

Dinky-di

An alteration of the classic Aussie phrase ‘dinkum’. Means true, genuine.

Bloke 1: Mate, are you being fair dinkum?

Bloke 2: Dinky-di mate. They were handing out free bevvies at the pub if ya got there before 4pm.

Dipstick

Someone who is stupid, has no friends and is generally an unsavoury human being. Much like dickhead, can be used maliciously or affectionately.

Bloke 1: Oi dipstick

Bloke 2: What do ya want dickhead?

Bloke 1: Just wanna tell ya that you’re a f*ckhead.

Bloke 2: Yeah mate well you’re a f*ckwit.

Bloke 1: F*cken, get f*cked c*nt.

Bloke 2: Yeah, nah, I reckon you should get f*cked.

Divvy van

A cop car that is used to move criminals. It has a big trunk and a division between the police driving the vehicle and the crooks in the back. It is an Australian tradition to ride in the back of one of these after a night of sinking VBs.

Police officer: You ever ridden in the back of a divvy van mate?

Nan: No I haven’t darl, bit too old for any mischief these days.

Police officer: Don’t tell me porkies. We know it’s you hooning around the streets in your ute blasting Tupac at 2am. Get in the car.

Dole

Slang for welfare dished out by Centrelink and other Government agencies.

Centrelink line bloke 1: Getting the dole today mate?

Centrelink line sheila: Yeah, f*ck oath c*nt.

Centrelink line bloke: What ya gonna spend it on? Drugs? Durries? Booze? VB? All of the above? What’s ya poison mate?

Centrelink line sheila: I’m gonna spend it on supporting my family. What else is it for?

Centrelink line bloke, hastily shoving crack pipe into pocket: Oh, yeah. For sure mate. Oath. Too right.

Do the Harold

To disappear without cause, reason or explanation. Refers to famous Aussie PM Harold Holt who went for a swim at a Victorian beach and was never seen again. His body has never been found.

Bloke: Where’d Bruce go?

Bloke 2: F*cked if I know mate. He was screaming about corporate banks stealing his mind fuel, spilled his bevvie everywhere and then did the Harold.

Bloke: So we’re never gonna see him again.

Bloke 2: Nah don’t reckon.

Bloke: That’s real bro.

Bloke 2: Yeah bro.

Dob in

Excepting certain circumstances, this is a behaviour that, while not illegal, while garner you sever punishment. To be a tattle-tale, to tell on somebody.

Sheila 1: Deadset? F*cken Jimmy dobbed ya in cos ya feral’s headlights are too bright?

Sheila 2: Yeah fair dinkum. Now I gotta f*cken go to court and can’t get me Centerz until me name’s clear.

Sheila 1: What a dickhead.

Docket

A receipt, or bill for a restaurant/cafe.

Bloke at restaurant: Oi mate, could I grab the docket off ya?

Waiter: Yeah no dramas mate.

Doco

Short for documentary

Bloke 1: This Steve Smith is such a legend mate. Can’t wait for him to retire and them to make a doco about his life.

Dodgy

Something or someone that is a bit how ya ‘garn. Unreliable, sneaky, or of questionable quality.

Bloke takes sip of beer: Mate, this VB tastes a bit dodgy. Is she apples mate?

Sheila 2: Yeah no dramas mate. It’s just this new brand of VB on the shelf I wanted to try. They call it VB Zero.

Bloke: Are you stitching me up mate? f*cken VB Zero? You deadset can’t be serious. That’s fair dinkum not on.

Sheila 2: Nah just pullin’ ya leg mate. I spiked it with some LSD.

Bloke: Ah no wukkin furries then. Ya had me going for a tick there with the VB Zero line!

Doesn’t know Christmas from Bourke Street

Much like Christmas, Bourke Street is a festive, bright and well-lit street in Melbourne. This phrase suggests that its recipient isn’t particularly intelligent, not too bright.

Person 1: Mate check this out. Try this one out for size. I got this concept mate, this ripper idea. They should get tradies to put plumbing into desk chairs so when we’re working we don’t have to get up and go to the loo. Productivity would go way up. It would be easy as to just open up your trackies, do ya bizzo and f*cken get on with it.

Person 2: That’s…I…Mate, you don’t know Christmas from Bourke street do ya?

Person 1: What’s that?

Person 2: Exactly.

Dog

A deregotary term for either: a rather unattractive woman, or a straight up sh*t bloke/behaviour befitting of a sh*t bloke.

Bloke 1: Mate, if you ain’t coming out tonight, you’re deadest dogging the boys.

Bloke 2: Nah c*nt don’t do that. Don’t say that.

Dog & bone

A genius piece of rhyming slang for phone. Ya know, those things that only Telstra and ya 80-year-old mother still use to call you on because, ya know, social media exists?

Boss: If this f*ckwit doesn’t pick up his dog and bone he’s gonna be packing his bags tomorrow morning.

Employee: G’day mate, how ya doin?

Boss: Finally, Frank mate, ya gotta—

Employee: Stitched up dickhead. Leave a message after the tone.

Dog’s breakfast

Something that has a real gruesome appearance, a bit messy and all over the shop.

Person, looking at tradie’s paint job: Mate you’ve really gone and made a dog’s breakfast of this haven’t ya? What’s garn’ on with the colours mate? I ask for green and ya give me this Olive sh*t? Mate it looks like you’ve just gone to the bog all over me wall?

Tradie: Yeah, sorry mate. Had a few coldies before rocking up today so I’m a bit all over the shop.

Person: Ah she’ll be right mate. Chuck us one of them coldies and I’ll forget all about it.

Dog’s eye

Think back to the phrase dead horse. Remember how much sense that made? Dog’s eye rhymes with meat pie, therefore it is a meat pie. Again, no questions.

Person 1: What’s for breakfast mate?

Person 2: Dog’s eye c*nt.

Person 1: Yeah oath mate. Lunch?

Person 2: Dog’s eye c*nt.

Person 1: F*ck yeah mate. Let me have a crack at what’s for dinner. Dog’s eye?

Person 2: Nah mate I’m not a dero. Lasagne for dinner.

Dole bludger

Somebody who contributes little to society. It refers to the type of person you see at Centrelink (Australian benefit agency) arguing that they’ve been looking for jobs while in fact they’ve just been drinking piss with their mates. Someone who receives benefit cheques without actually deserving it. Think George Costanza.

Dole bludger: Oi I’m off to Centerz to grab me cheque mate. Gonna spend it all on f*cken piss and smokes I reckon. I submitted one job application this month so I reckon she’ll be right.

Bloke 2: You’re a despicable dole bludger mate. What about the people that actually need the cash?

Dole bludger: Nah, I reckon they’ll be right mate.

Dolled up

To wear lots of makeup and get dressed up, typically for a formal occasion, such as a formal. Can also mean to upsell something (including yourself) through bignoting it and concoting a few well-placed Furphies.

Mother: Why ya all dolled up darl? Garn’ pub? Garn’ servo?

Daughter: No, mum, I’m going to Bazza’s pissup. It’s a big one.

Mother: Fair dinkum? Where’s me invite mate?

Donga

A portable, often tin, building, used for housing or as sheds on worksites.

Tradie 1: Where’s me trovel mate?

Tradie 2: Where ya left it in the donga ya drongo.

Donger

Cock. Penis. Usually quite large in stature, intimidating in appearance.

Bloke 1: Oi mate, check out me donger.

Bloke 2: F*ck me mate. Put that away. That sh*t’s a snake, why you showin me that for? You a f*cken poofta mate?

Bloke 1: Nah mate. Just showin ya it’s big.

Bloke 2: Yeah it’s a fair dinkum rig I’ll give ya that mate.

Donk

The engine of a car.

Bloke inspecting broken down car: Yeah, nah, me donk’s buggered. Gonna be a long walk home.

Donkey’s years

Slang for years, particularly a long time. I’m not sure how long those blokes live for and if there is any significance other than the rhyme. And yes, even though a rudimentary google search would unveil this mystery, I refuse.

Husband: Mate ya promised me ya would stop smokin durries soon. How long do ya reckon that’s gonna be?

Wife: Oh, a fair few donkey’s years I’d have to guess.

Doodle

Penis. Cock. The man downstairs. Always hilarious.

Kid: Look at this doodle I drew.

Teacher: Far out mate that’s small. If that’s what you think the size of a fully-grown penis is, you got another thing coming.

Doovalacky

No f*ckin’ idea. I don’t mean I have no idea what this means, that’s what this means. No idea. No clue. Used as a filler word when you can’t remember what an object, place or person is called.

Person 1: F*cken was riding in this uh, doovalacky thingy, f*cken, I dunno, anyway, I was riding in it and they told me to get out cos I was chundering everywhere. Great night mate.

Person 2: Do you mean a taxi?

Person 1: Yeah, nah. I reckon it’s called a Doobie Van or something.

Dough

Money.

Beer dealer: You got the dough mate?

Doughnuts

Slang for zero, due to the shape of the delicious dessert. Often used in reference to sports.

Adelaide supporter 1: Nurse mate, I’m a huge fan of the crows and I just woke up from a coma that began at the start of the footy season. How many games have my boys won?

Nurse: Doughnuts mate. Adelaide supporter: Nah come on ya mongrel don’t stitch me up, how many for real? Nurse: Deadset mate. Zero. They’re bloody hopeless.

Down a few

To sink a couple of cheeky bevvies. To drink alcohol, usually in a social setting that involves the consumption of more than just one (HA, imagine that!) beverage.

Bloke: Yeah, nah, I was thinken we could hit up the local paddock and down a few sneaky ones while the Jackaroo’s on holiday.

Down the road

This phrase implies that a certain location is close but no actual distance is given. This can be used to great amusement, as someone who thinks their destination is only 5 minutes away could end up walking for over an hour.

Sheila 1: Yeah, nah mate no dramas. The bottle-o is just down the road you can carry a slab that distance easy as.

TWO HOURS LATER

Sheila 2: F*ck all of youse.

Down Under

Australia, or sometimes, Tasmania and New Zealand. Also, that song.

WE COME FROM A LAND DOWN UNDER MATE.

Do your lolly

To lose one’s composure. To crack the sh*ts, often at sport.

Man: Don’t do your bloody lolly over a brass razoo mate, I’m sure the checkout chick intended to give you your full change.

Man: Nah mate, yeah, nah. You don’t know these people mate. They’re all connected. It’s all a big plot mate. A big, federal plot.

Drink with the flies

To sink a few coldies on your lonesome.

Bartender: You drinking with the flies mate?

Bloke 1: Yeah mate. Got no friends so just sinking piss by meself.

Bartender: Yeah no dramas mate. Keep up the hard yakka.

Bloke 1: Thanks legend.

Driving the porcelain bus

To munt, chunder, unleash the vomit dragon. Generally as a result of drinking a lot of (but not too much, because that concept doesn’t exist) piss.

Person 1: Bugger me dead mate, I reckon I need to go for a drive.

Person 2: Nah, nah, nah mate. No drinkin and drivin. Absolute not.

Person 1: Nah mate not on a car. On the porcelain bus.

Driza-bone

Essentially dry as a bone. Actually, funny story, there’s an Aussie clothing brand called Driza-Bone and I’m trying to sell one of their vintage shirts. Any takers? Hit me up blokes, I’ll get youse a ripper bargain. Meet me by the coolabah tree in Narre Warren.

Boss: Stop tryna advertise ya sh*t on me bloody website mate or I’ll give ya the ass.

Me: Yeah, nah come on mate just one more. Promise not to tell anyone that it’s a rip-off but, yeah?

Boss: Yeah, nah. You’re fired.

Drongo

Someone who is stupid, foolish, or struggles with basic concepts. An idiot.

They called me a drongo but I dunno why? All I did was say Gold Coast Suns were gonna make the footy finals this year.

Drop a fart

A strategical fart that takes many years to execute — like an obedient pet, it stays where it is left, infiltrating the nostrils of all those unfortunate enough to tread into its path, making it a powerful weapon in flatulent warfare.

Teenager, nudging his mate: Oi, suss this out bro. I’m gonna drop a fart right next to Bazza. Gonna be a deadset ripper stitch-up.

Dropkick

Someone who is a failure. Poor at most things they attempt, stupid and lacks motivation.

Girl 1: That Bazza is such a dropkick, first he borrows 50 bucks off me for winnie blues cos he’s broke and then he doesn’t even f*cken gimme one.

Dropped one’s gut

To unleash your last-eaten meal upon those poor souls in your vicinity, in gaseous form. A fart that, when examined, permeates the stench of whatever food was last consumed.

Bloke 1: Oi mate.

Bloke 2: Yeah, what mate?

Bloke 1: Ya smell somethin a bit how ya garn?

Bloke 2: *sniffs* Smells a bit like maccas mate. f*ck I could go some maccas actually?

Bloke 1: Deadset? Yeah, nah mate, have another sniff.

Bloke 2: *sniffs deeply* AHHHH. f*ck me dead mate! That is putrid. You just went and dropped ya gut in the middle of the f*cken Hume and think its a right old stitchup don’t ya?

Bloke 1: Yeah mate, bit of a pisser ya gotta admit.

Bloke 2: It was a f*ckin Fillet’o’Fish wasn’t it.

Bloke 1: Too right mate, but don’t forget the extra cheese.

Drover

A truckie or farmer who is tasked with transporting livestock, often between states.

Truckie: Yeah mate, ever since I was a kid I always dreamed of being a drover. Truckin’ it across interstate, window down, durry in me mouth. It’s the good life mate.

Drown some worms

To go fishing, though with the connotation that little actual fishing, and lots of sinking sh*tloads of VBs on a boat, will be done. Just watch out for sharks, it is Straya after all.

Father: Wanna go drown some worms today son?

Son: Yeah, oath dude. Bloody ripper weather. Shall I grab the rods?

Father: Nah, just the slab will do.

Drum

Intel. Usually related to gossip among friends, but can also be used in an official manner when referring to information regarding certain events.

Mate 1: You got the drum on this sheila mate?

Mate 2: Yeah, she’s a f*cken loose cannon mate. One blue and you’re given the arse mate.

Mate 1: F*cken grouse mate, cheers.

Dry as a dead dingo’s donger

As you could imagine, a dead dingo’s penis would probably be pretty dry.

Tourist: Much rainfall here mate?

Local: Nah mate, dry as a dead dingo’s donger around here.

Dry as a nun’s nasty

Refers to the fact that nuns aren’t allowed to engage in sexual intercourse, and therefore their sexual organs would probably be pretty poorly lubricated. Dry.

Mate 1: You got any petrol in ya mate?

Mate 2: Nah mate, I’m dry as a nun’s nasty.

Mate 1: F*ck me dead mate, that’s fair dinkum dry.

Dry as a pommy’s towel

Extremely dry. Referencing the very well-founded Australian belief that the English refuse to bathe and practice poor self-hygiene.

Person 1: The cricket gonna go ahead today? Heard it was raining yesterday.

Person 2: Nah, yeah mate, the pitch is as dry as a pommy’s towel.

Duchess

A piece of furniture that often sits in a dining room with a number of drawers, housing cutlery and the like.

Duck’s and guts

Similar to bee’s knees. Something that is fan-f*cking-tastic, outstanding, or brings great pleasure.

Cricketer: Mate, this willow is the duck’s guts. Fair dinkum cracker I reckon.

Cricketer’s missus: Yeah mate, maybe now you’ll average THREE runs a game!

Duff

Pregnant, often unintentionally.

Sheila: Did ya hear the goss? Bazza got Katie duff and then nicked off to Kiwiland. Bloody f*ckwits, the both of em.

Duffer

Someone who is stupid, makes mistakes frequently or generally performs idiotic actions. Also can mean a mine that bears little fruit or a crook who takes cows/livestock and removes or changes their brandings.

Mother: Mate you’re such a duffer. How’d ya think that was gonna end up?

Son: I thought I would still fit into a small t-shirt.

Mother: Not with all the piss you drink mate. Buckley’s chance of that.

Dunny

A loo, lavatory, sh*tter, toilet.

Mate 1: Yeah, I’m off to the dunny mate. If my drink is gone when I’m back there’s gonna be hell to pay.

Mate 1, five minutes later: Alright c*nts, youse are all f*cked.

Dunny budgie

Budgies that circle toilets, aka blowflies.

Bloke 1: Give us some of that insect spray mate. I’m gonna genocide these f*cken dunny budgies.  

Dunny paper

Toilet paper. Anything less than 4-ply is a travesty and should be illegal.

Anyone’s worst nightmare while taken a sh*t in a public toiler: Uh. Could one of youse be fully sick and help a bloke out by passing us some spare dunny paper?

Yeah righto cheers mates.

Durry

A dart. Tuffy. Ciggy. Cigarette.

Bloke 1: Oi, pass us ya light for me durry would ya mate?

Bloke 2: Yeah no dramas mate. Don’t pocket it but or I’ll f*cken crack the sh*ts.

Bloke 1: Pocket what mate?

Dutch oven

A form of torture wherein you are in a bed with someone, fart, and then pull the covers tight over their heads so they are confined in the space as the smell of your flatulence seeps into their oriphices uninhibited.

Husband: If you don’t let me watch the footy with the boys I will sentence you to 20 minutes inside the dutch oven every morning for the rest of the month.

Dux

To be the top of one’s class, usually in high school but can also occur in University, TAFE and primary school.

Student: Well yeah I was dux of English, General Maths, History and Music.

Student 2: Good on ya c*nt. I was dux of ripping billies so who’s really winning here?

E

Earbash

To talk sh*t to someone unremittingly. A non-stop assault of meaningless, unhelpful chitter-chatter.

Girl 1: How’s your day been? Mine was so bonzer mate. I went to the beach and had a cheeky swim, then swang by macca’s on the—

Girl 2: I’m sick of it mate. I don’t wanna hear it. Don’t need an earbash today. Shut your bloody cakehole and let me eat.

Ears flapping

Someone who is listening attentively or closely.

Graeme: Yeah me and the misso were havin’ a good ol’ chinwag, and I could see the checkout chick watchin us, ears flapping. Hope she got a good listen in cos we were talkin absolute nonsense.

Easy as

In classic Australian fashion, the phrase ‘easy as pie’ has been shortened to allow for more cursing in a sentence without using more non-curse words than necessary—a task which was rather simple to complete.

Schoolkid 1: Did you do your math homework mate?
Schoolkid 2: Yeah, nah. But it f*cking looks easy as. I’ll do it tomorrow. TOMORROW
Schoolkid 1: You done the homework yet?
Schoolkid 2: Yeah, nah.

Eat a horse

Horses can weigh up to 1000kg when fully-grown, so to eat an entire horse means you’d have to be pretty bloody hungry. A phrase that means starving, ravenous

Feller: Blimmey mate, after all this hard yakka I could eat a bloody horse.

Eats shoots and leaves

A joke that evolved into a book about punctuation.

A koala eats shoots and leaves, or a koala eats, shoots, and leaves.

Ekka

The Royal Queensland Show hosted in the Brisbane Showgrounds. Its original title was the Brisbane Exhibition, hence the term ‘Ekka’.

Bloke 1: Garn to the ekka mate?

Bloke 2: Yeah c*nt.

Bloke 1: Sick c*nt.

Elbow grease

To put extra effort, often physical, into performing a task.

Boss: Oi come on Bazza, put some bloody elbow grease into it or I’ll make ya a dole bludger.

Bazza: Fair dinkum mate give us a break, I’ve already sunk three coldies, Ryan over there’s only on his first!

Boss: Deadset? Ryan, is Bazza being fair dinkum? Ryan: Nah mate he’s pullin ya leg. Boss: Are you trying to stitch me up Bazza?

Bazza: Yeah, nah, course not mate. No furphy’s here. Boss: Ah bugger the lot of youse

El cheapo

Something that is inexpensive, usually in reference to a cheap replica or unbranded product.

Person: Deadset, I kid ya not, VB slabs were goin at 80 bucks. That’s the most exy, ripoff price I ever seen in me life. So I went with this el cheapo sh*t called ‘Tun’. Probably tastes like

Empties

Relics of a hard-fought battle. Empty bottles and cans of beer, mixed drinks, and god forbid, Vodka Cruizers.

Bazza: Fair dinkum, gunna need to pull out me f*cken tractor to clean up all these empties from me piss-up

Esky

A portable, insulated ice cooler.

It keeps the VBs and the sangas cold. What more can you say? An absolute must-have for all Australian families heading to the beach, pool, picnic, or barbecue.

Although it originally referred to the iconic Esky brand, it’s sort of taken on a life of it’s own. Just like Kleenex refers to any brand of facial tissue, the term Esky now basically refers to a cooler of any kind.

Oi , toss the Vegemite in the Esky, we’re going to the beach!

Even steven

When some rapscallion roots ya missus, but being a True Blue bloke, lets you root his missus in return — to give something as good as you get. Rhyming slang meaning to be on even terms with someone or something.

Bloke: I know he gave me a whack but I stole three of his VBs at the pub last night so I reckon we’re even stevens.

Every bastard and his dog

Essentially means every man and his dog (shocking I know), except in typical Aussie fashion, slightly more offensive. Everyone.

Person: I thought we were the lucky country mate but every bastard and his dog has started to smoke menthols. We’re becoming a nanny state mate, it’s hard to bear witness to.

Every Tom Dick and Harry

A slang term that suggests every bloke — not just those named Tom, Dick and Harry, are doing something.

Shane: No word of a lie, those John Howard bum bags are on it, but every Tom Dick and Harry has copped one and I just reckon it looks a bit how ya garn’ to be caught dead in one. Would make blokes think I’m not an individual.

Exy

Short for the term expensive.

I dunno, these bananas are bloody exy mate. Maybe we should just stick to snags for now. Fruit ain’t that important.

F

Face ache

Not an actual face ache, but someone whose face looks down, miserable and unhappy for no particular reason

Bloke: Deadset boss, ya gotta do something about ya face ache, it’s just so off-putting.

Boss: Well, my mother died last night.

Bloke: Well yeah, but still, don’t make it our problem, ya know mate? Chin up c*nt.

Face fungus

A beard, moustache or koala bear taped over one’s face. Facial hair.

Bloke, to his mate: f*ck me mate, what were ya thinken when ya decided that style of face fungus was a goer? Surely nothing was going on up there, in the brains department. SURELY.

Face like a festered pickle

A derogatory term to describe someone who’s face really leaves a lot to be desired. Someone who constantly has a particularly sour, distrustful and generally unpleasant face.

Student: MRs. Sheila is a super lovely lady but fair dinkum it’s hard to get behind her when she’s got a face like a festered pickle. I feel like I’m constantly in the sh*ts.

Face like a half-eaten pastie

Pasties are filled with all varieties of vegetables and meat, with lumps and chunks spilling out the pastry once bitten. Means ugly, asymmetrical with lots of lumps and pimples.

Mate 1: Yeah this sheila was deadest cracking onto me but she had a face like a half-eaten pastie.

Mate 2: Fair dinkum mate. What’d you do?

Mate 1: I rooted her anyway.

Mate 2: Yeah fair call mate. You’re a pretty ugly c*nt yourself.

Mate 1: Yeah too right.

Facey

Short for social media juggernaut facebook.

Person 1: Ya see that sheila’s flicks of Bazza’s party on Facey mate? They’re f*ckin sick mate.

Fag

A term originating in Britain that refers to a cigarette.

Girl: Pass us a fag, would ya?

Fair dinkum

Genuinely. Seriously and truly. 

A term that has a wide variety of applications revolving around the genuineness or sincerity of something. Can be used to describe the quality of service, elements of personality and much more.

Sport fan 1: That bloke’s got a fair dinkum rig on him.

Man 1: Got a bit parro last night after Bazza’s piss up and copped a ride in a divvy van.
Man 2: Mate is that fair dinkum?
Man 1: Nah, yeah.

Fair enough

A phrase used to signify that something is fair, even or makes sense. An easy conversation ender and starter. An all-purpose piece of Strayan slang, frequently used by those with a laidback True Blue attitude.

Bloke: I f*cken love footy mate.

Bloke 2: Fair enough mate. I reckon it’s sh*thouse but that’s different strokes ya know?

Bloke: Yeah, nah fair enough cobber. No dramas.

Fair few

A lot. Not a sh*tload, but definitely a sizable amount.

Person 1: Yeah took me a fair few goes to barbie these snags but we got there in the end.

Person 2: These snags are bonzer mate. Great yakka.

Fair go

To give something or someone an opportunity to do something. 

Person 1: This polly is such a wanker mate. Such a figjam.

Person 2: Don’t rubbish him yet mate. Give him a fair go first.

Person 1: Yeah, nah, he can get stuffed.

Fair go, mate!

To have made or will attempt to make a valiant, reasonable and fair dinkum attempt at something, often completing a task.

Worker: Fair go, mate! Ya almost pipped me for best employee but I got there in the end.

Worker 2: No offence mate, but what kind of loser gives a sh*t about that award? Only brown-nosers like yaself.

Fair suck of the sav

Essentially means fair go, to give someone or something a chance, but is often used to incredulously imply that something is not a fair deal.

Bloke: Fifty bucks for a slab of VB? You reckon that’s a fair suck of the sav?

Shopkeep: Nah, yeah I do mate. Take it or leave it.

Bloke: Well I’m gonna obviously take it.

Fairy bread

Delicious party snack dealt commonly at children’s parties but also welcome at piss-ups, nightclubs and literally anywhere else. White bread, cut into halves, buttered with sprinkles (100s and 1000s) sprinkled on top. F*ckin’ delicious.

Bloke 1: Let me tell you mate, if Bazza’s pissup doesn’t have fairy bread I’m gonna crack the sh*ts.

Bloke 2: Fair call mate.

Fairy Floss

Cotton candy. Great tasting, pink candy that melts when put onto your tongue.

Person 1: Can’t wait to pick up some Fairly floss at the Ekka tomorrow!

Fang it

Just f*cking go for it mate. To do something, hard, fast and often without thought, often perilously associated with yobbos driving cars

Normal GPS: Please take a U-turn at the next available roundabout.

Aussie GPS: Oi c*nt just f*cken fang it right over tha nature strip if you’re a deadset True Blue legend.

Fanny

A female’s reproductive organ. Vagina.

Kid 1: Fanny

Kid 2: *giggles*

Kid 1: FANNY

Kid 2: *laughs*

Kid 1: FA-

Teacher: Alright if you don’t shut your bloody cakehole, I’m gonna wallop your behind.

Far out

An exclamation, often in bewilderment or disbelief. Very similar meaning to ‘bloody hell’ and ‘f*ck me dead’.

Bloke: Far out, I can’t believe me f*cken ute got banged up with that dickhead taxi driver who thinks ya have to give way to the right!

Judge: You do have to give way to the right…

Fart a crowbar!

When one portrays displeasure, anger, shock or surprise as a facial expression, almost as if they are emancipating a painfully-shapped object from their guts in the form of gas.

Mate: Man ya should’ve seen his face when I told him that I took a cack in his bed as a stitch-up. It was like he was trying to fart a crowbar.

Fart-arsing

This pretty much means that doom is impending. An extremley how ya garn fart is gunna blow through, and if ya don’t bugger off, there will be havoc.

Uni student, standing up in the middle of class: Alright blokes and sheilas. It’s happening. Battle stations people, get the f*ck outta here before me fart-arse destroys the room.

Farts like a two-stroke

Someone, particularly a boiler, or an old hag, who has a problem with letting noisy, wet gas, constantly slip out of their dingers without them noticing or trying to stop it.

Grandson: I love me nan. Granddaughter: Too right mate, who doesn’t?

Grandson: But bloody hell it’s hard to pay em a visit. She farts like a two-stroke!

Grandaughter: Yeah, it’s fair dinkum nasty innit.

Feel crook

To feel sick. Unwell.

Sharon: I might have to chuck a sickie today mate, I feel crook as.

Bryan: Might have somethin’ to do with the slab of XXXX and three packs of Winnie Blues you put in your gob last night.

Sharon: Yeah, nah mate. Probably just a cold.

Feral

A huge, intimidating car, generally a ute equipped with a V8 engine, a bar designed to mow down kangaroos and uncooperative trees and ‘Blokes Advice’ insignias plastered over the back tray. Often carries large amounts of tools or hay in the back and has lights that are capable of blinding passing cop cars and prevent them from seeing the ‘feral’s’ license plate.

Bloke 1: Next on me list is a huge subwoofer but they’re a bit exy. But when you’re building a feral ya can’t half-ass it.

Bloke 2: You gotta have a sub mate, how else you gonna show the coppers who’s boss?

Bloke 1: Gonna blast me Michael Buble CDs whenever I see a divvy van.

Bloke 2: Tunes mate.

Bloke 1: Oath. Tunes.

Few sandwiches short of a picnic

It isn’t a picnic without sandwiches. Someone who is a bit dull, not too bright, a bit stupid.

Mate: Ya can’t light ya durry on the orange end mate what are you doing?

Mate 2: Why not? Thought I’d give it a go mate!

Mate: Far out. You’re a few sandwiches short of a picnic aren’t ya mate.

Figjam

Someone, usually male, who spends twenty minutes doing their hair in the mirror and can often be quoted saying ‘yeah, well the terrain was rather treacherous but I found it extremely easy.’ Stands for: F*ck I’m Good Just Ask Me.

Michael Clarke. Justin Bieber.

Filthy

To be angry, upset or fuming over something, usually related to chuckin on a few multis or Bazza rootin ya missus.

Bloke: I cannot believe that they cancelled the latest season of Home and Away. I am absolutely filthy over that.

Fire away

To give someone the all-clear to do or say something — usually relating to the exchange of ideas, but can also be used in all sorts of other contexts.

Employee: Yeah mate, I got a few suggestions.

Boss: Fire away cobber.

Employee: We should consider having a ‘casual friday’ to improve office morale.

Boss: Yeah? You should consider involuntary redundance.

Fisho

Short for fishmonger, typically a business that deals in raw seafood.

Bloke 1: Garn fisho to grab me some f*cken muddies ay mate. Probs garn stop by woollies and pickup some winnie blues too I reckon.

Fish out of water

You ever seen a fish on land? Those weird blokes flop around without a clue what’s goig on. To be out of place, awkward.

Sally, nuding Charlotte: Oi, check out Bazza’s rig. Bloke is built like a brick sh*thouse, but without the bricks.

Charlotte: Mate, Bazza’s nips are a little how ya garn don’t ya reckon? Not sure they should be on display like a f*cken museum.

Sally: Nah, yeah. Looks like a fish out of water with his shirt off. *calling out* PUT IT AWAY BAZZA YOU’RE SCARING OFF THE SUN.

Bazza, barely within earshot: Go f*ck yourself you muffin-top looking yobbo.

Fit as a mallee bull

Someone who is real ripped, in real good physical shape, in good nick. Named after a region in Southern Australia states that produces some of the finest beef known.

Bloke: F*ck what’s your name mate? You’re as fit as a mallee bull!

Bloke 2: Name’s Zyzz bro.

Fits like a honeymoon cock

Have you ever heard of the term ‘to consumate your marriage?’ Well, unless you’re a deadset drongo and ya’ve sunk 5 slabs of VB and passed out legless at 10pm on every night of ya honeymoon, chances are you and the misso (or hubbo) are gonna be coppin a few roots from one another. Means to fit bloody well.

Kid: Cheers for the jocks nan! They fit like a honeymoon cock.

Five finger discount

To knick (or steal) something, typically worth no more than a brass razoo.

Bloke: I’ll be deadset with ya on this, I gave meself a five finger discount on this Strayan flag souvenir

Five o-clock shadow

A man’s (or woman’s? haha yeah, nah relax sheilas, just a stitch-up) short stubble. The same-day growth of a man’s beard, often appearing by 5pm, or 5am for derros.

Luke: Mate, deadset question here, that as my mate, I want ya to answer fair dinkum. Am I just stoned or is your five-oclock shadow blue?

Flake

Served at fish and chip shops, gummy shark fillets that have been deep fried, often in beer batter.

Bloke: Ah, get me a flake, um ah, oi I reckon a deep-fried mars bar, uh, min chips, hmm, f*cken, one of those potato lookin things, uh f*cken, a Solo, and yeah that’ll do me I reckon.

Fish and chip shop owner: 23 dollars please.

Bloke: Fair dinkum? That’s crazy mate. You’re crazy.

Flake out

To pass out, usually due to being buggered from work or sinkin an inordinate amount of amber fluid.

Person 1: Ya know how he always bignotes himself, saying how he’s the f*ckin’ king of pissups?

Person 2: Yeah mate. Bloody pigs arse I reckon.

Person 1: I found him flaked out in the pig pen at 10pm last weekend. Pathetic performance from a pathetic individual.

Flannie

Short for flannelette shirt.

Farmer: Yeah mate always wear me flannie when out in the field. Can’t let the sun get into me skin mate, that sh*t’ll put ya out of business for good.

Flap your gums

To have a right old chinwag. Gossiping and talkin’ sh*t without any real substance entering the conversation.

Old friends: Check out old mate! How ya doin feller?

Old friend 2: Yeah, nah, troopin along mate. Would love to stay and flap me gums but I gotta head off to the bar before happy hour finishes at 1pm.

Flat chat

Doin’ various sh*t at extreme speeds. Can be applied to all sorts of different themes like: drinkin’ goon, drinkin’ piss, sinkin’ beers, poundin’ coldies, massacreing tinnies etc.

Student: I am going at this essay flat chat. Must be the pingers. They’re really improvin me performance here.

Flat out

To be really busy, usually with work.

Friend 1: You gonna make it to Bazza’s piss-up mate?

Friend 2: I’m flat out at work mate, not sure I can.

Friend 1: Alright mate. No dramas. Just make sure you never talk to me again, yeah?

Flat out like a lizard drinking

A rather clever (as all Aussie slang is) term that refers to how a lizard will stretch itself out flat when drinking water. Means extremley busy.

Bloke: Look, I’d love to give ya a root but deadset I’m flat out like a lizard drinking with work at the solar panel factory tonight. Don’t reckon I can make it.

Flat white

An espresso coffee drink consisting of minimal milky froth and a stronger coffee taste than a latte.

Australians take their coffee very seriously. There’s a reason Starbucks tried to enter the country and failed.

If you try ordering American-style drip coffee, you’ll get weird looks. Your best bet is to order a long black and adding extra hot water.

Customer: Could I please have an almond milk Flat White with a piece of toast and smashed avo?

Flash a brown eye

A delightfully detailed piece of imagery that means to drop ya dacks, spread your cheeks and say good morning to unsuspecting victims. To moon someone.

Bill: Mates, can youse see that bloke there on the f*cken Coathanger?

Jarryd: Deadset that is not on mate. Is he for real or nah?

Jesse: What is it c*nts I’m having a squizz but I can’t see nuffin.

Bill: Bloke’s just flashin his brown eye to hundreds of cars on the Sydney Harbour Bridge mate. What an absolute loose unit.

Jesse: Fair dinkum? Hard to read whether that’s fair play. Reckon he’s probably a bit of a sickc*nt but also a bit of a tosser.

Flea bag

Something that is a bit messy, dirty or unkempt. Has notoriety.

Sheila: That Dazza bloke has a bit of a rep for bein a fleabag doesn’t he?

Sheila 2: Yeah, nah, had a suss around his mates and he’s a bit of a sh*tc*nt.

Flick

A photo. Also means to avoid or remove someone from a certain situation, often work.

Ex-employee: I can’t believe it mate. I’m devo. Bunnings gave me the flick cos I kept stealing their snags. I thought employees got em for free mate!

Friend: Yeah that’s a deadest stitch-up mate.

Flick

To get rid of something, particularly in relation to a job or relationship.

Boss: Yeah I finally gave the bloke the flick. What he said to me at the work piss-up last week was the final straw.

Employee: What’d he say? Must’ve been pretty bloody bad.

Boss: Oath. He said, and I’m being deadset, that VB ‘isn’t that good’. He actually fair dinkum said those words to me. He had to be let go after that. Couldn’t look him in the eye.

Flick it on

This phrase essentially means to flip goods for a higher price than purchased.

Bloke 1: Yeah, nah I flicked the ugg boots on at retail price mate. Some dickhead actually bought em too.

Bloke 2: What a wanker mate. You got a good rort going on don’t ya?

Bloke 1: Bloody oath I do.

Floater

Come on, we all know what this means. If you take a sh*t, forget to flush and hear a scream from the next person that enters the room, you’ve left a floater.

Bloke 1: Oi, don’t go in the loo.

Bloke 2: Why c*nt?

Bloke 1: I left ya a floater.

Bloke 1: You’re ratchet mate. Absolute grot of a human.

Flog

Someone who drinks their own bathwater. Used as a derogatory term for a human (or perhaps animal) that thinks they’re the top sh*t, overly pretentious and are generally not as intelligent as they think they are.

Bloke: Oi remember when Damo told Jamos’ misso that he cheated on her so he could date her but on their first night together he shat himself cos Jamos spiked his drink with laxatives? Great furphy, but blimey, what a piece of work Damo is.

Sanjiv: Oath mate. A-grade flog he is.

Flutter

To place an almost embarassingly low-risk bet, particularly on horse racing.

High roller teen: I won’t f*ck with youse boys. I had a bit of a flutter on the races and pulled in a handsome reward.

Teen 2: How much ya rack up mate?

Teen: Ten bucks.

Fly the coop

To bounce. To escape from somewhere, like a visit to ya misso’s in-laws.

Bloke: Look mate it’s been a blast but I reckon once ya pull out the hard liqour I’m gunna have to fly the coop. You blokes get real nasty when ya legless.

Fly wire

A wire door or window insert that allows air from the outside to enter a house while preventing irritating bugs like flies and mosquitos from following suit.

IMAGE MIGHT SUIT THIS

Footy

The shortened term for Australian Rules Football, or AFL – the prevailing sport within Victoria and much of Australia. One of Australia’s oldest and strongest institutions. Not to be mistaken with soccer.

Footy is sort of a mix of rugby, American football (or as the Aussies say, ‘gridiron’), soccer, and even basketball. It’s a chaotic, incredibly demanding, and highly entertaining sport, with nonstop action on one of the largest playing fields in the world. Players run ~9km per game, there are no helmets or padding, and it often feels like an adult version of “kill the man with the ball.”

Check out this Aussie Rules explainer video for a great overview of what makes this sport so fun.

Tradie 1: Did ya catch the footy on the weekend?
Tradie 2: Yeah mate, got pissed and watched the Kangas take on Freo. Was a ripper of a match.

Fortnight

This term means in two weeks (can be used to refer to the past or future). Notably, the popular video game is spelled ‘nite’, significant in preventing confusion among 15-year old’s who actually play that game. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Father: What are you doing in the next fortnight?

Kid 2: I’m gonna finally win my first Battle Royale.

Father: Get f*cked mate.

Fossick

Originally a term meaning to prospect gold, it has now extended to be synonymous with rummaging.

Sheila: Are you coming to bed Bazza?

Bazza: Yeah mate just gotta fossick me drawers for some frangers.

Fossicker

Someone who prospects, usually for gold.

Mate: I went down to Sovereign Hill the other day mate, I reckon I’m a real fair dinkum fossicker now.

Mate 2: Ya know they put that gold there right? It’s not real, you can’t fossick for sh*t mate.

Mate: Yeah, nah mate. I’m sick as.

Fossil

someone or something that is very old, decrepit and generally unsightly.

Teen: Bugger me mate! Check out that fossil. How can blokes like that even walk?

Old bloke: Ya know what’s good about bein an old bag mate?

Teen: What, besides nothing?

Old bloke, brandishing firearm: I’m allowed to own one of these c*nt. Better get a wriggle on before my dementia makes me forget whether the safety is on or not.

Franger

A term that means condom. I’m not sure why, but just trust me, that’s what it means.

Bloke 1: Yeah I’ll grab some winnie blues, a sausage roll and a couple of Durex frangers please mate.

Freckle

Not to be confused with the brown marks found on a pasty bluey’s body, a freckle means an asshole.

Person 1: Oi mate, get off ya f*cken freckle and help me with this yakka would ya?

Fred Nerk

A completely made up bloke that serves as a stand-in stereotype for an idiot, dickhead, or general miscreant. A placeholder title for an imaginary person.

Friend: Oh yeah youse don’t wanna come get smokes from the servo with me? All good yeah, no dramas. Me and f*cken… Fred Nerk. Yeah we’ll just head off and grab the sh*t for youse while youse sit on ya arses.

Fremantle Doctor

The doctor (cool breeze) that comes in from work (Fremantle) to fix the medical emergency (extreme heat) in Perth.

Person 1: I reckon it’s about time to get in the nuddy mate. Fremantle Doctor won’t be here for another few hours.

Person 2: Oath mate. It’s boiling. This frothie was ice cold when I cracked her open ten minutes ago and it’s legit on fire right now.

Person 1: Far out mate that’s cooked.

Person 2: I could batter a flake in this mate.

Freo

Short for Fremantle

Freo, way to go, we are the Freo dockers! – Fremantle Football Club theme song.

Freshie

Short for those weird-looking f*cks that are the friendly, smaller cousin of the most deadset evil reptile c*nts on this Earth. A freshwater crocodile.

Aussie: Have ya ever been to Darwin mate? They deadset got some fully sick freshies game garn on up in the Top End.

Fridge

Slang term for refrigerator that has essentially replaced its origin word. Nobody says refrigerator anymore.

Bloke 1: You’re dreamin’ mate. Absolutely dreamin’. Tomato sauce doesn’t go in the fridge.

Bloke 2: Get stuffed mate. Get absolutely stuffed.

Fried eggs

A rather offensive phrase that is luckily nonsensical — rhyming slang for flat breasts. Wouldn’t go explaining this one to too many sheilas or ya might cop a bashing.

Sheila: I’d rather die than have fried eggs mate. Deadset.

American sheila 2: Yeah, nah, true. They’re bad for your cholesterol!

Sheila: Orrite c*nt. FIRST of all, that’s not what I meant. Second of all, no they don’t mate. Not here in Straya anyway.

Frigid digit

Someone who suffers erectile dysfunction. Actually not the person, but the specific, uh, member, that has been stricken with the inability to respond to sexual stimulus. Also appears temporarily in blokes who’ve smashed so many bottles of piss they’ve taken the term ‘parro’ to another level. f*cken’ heroes.

Girl: Ya not gonna believe it but guess what. Fair dinkum — I went to give this bloke off Tinder a root and he had a frigid digit the whole night. I ended up just sinking a few cold ones on the balcony while he cried in his room.

Frog & toad

Rhyming slang for… can ya guess it? Nah? Oi come on give it a burl. Still nothin’? It’s slang for road mate. Come on, that was an easy one. No dramas you’ll nail it next time.

Tradie: I asked the old bastard if we could get the Friday off to watch the game but he told me we can’t knock off until the frog and toad is down. f*ckin’ rubbish mate.

From go to whoa

From beginning to end. Nah, yeah, this applies to more than just havin’ a root mate.

Bruce MACCA: And there we have it — number 15 lead the race from go to whoa and takes the chocolates in this one. Hope this didn’t f*ck up too many of youse’s multis.

Frothing

To be extremely excited about something, to the point where you exhibit common symptoms of rabies.

Mate 1: Oi blokes, I’m absolutely frothing for a frothie.

Frothy

A beer.

Referring to the froth on a beer that has been poured into a glass, either from a tap, stubby or tinnie.

Gonna jump on the frothys tonight and get absolutely buggered.

Fruit loop

Someone who’s a bit of a slow c*nt. A bit stupid, to the point that they might actually be insane.

Person 1: You’re a fruit loop mate

Person 2: Wha- Person 1: A deadest bloody fruitloop. What do ya do with your time other than hit up Centerz once a fortnight?

Person 2: I lo-

Person 1: You’re a bum mate. A dero, druggy bum. Your head okay? What I’m sayin’ getting into your noggin?

Person 2: Yeah bu-

Person 1: Shut the f*ck up. Fruit loop. Think about what you do mate. Use your f*cken brain.

Person 2: Alright sorry mate I’ll tip the craft beer out.

Person 1: Ah yeah cheers mate, just a stitch-up. No dramas, no dramas at all mate.

Fuck all

Nothing, none, or very little.

F*ck all is an extremely common expression. It essentially means zero, or close to zero.

I like the Tigers even though they’ve basically done f*ck all this year.

Bloke 1: You comin’ down to the pub tonight or what?
Bloke 2: Nah mate, I went out last night and got f*ck all sleep.

Fuck Me Dead

A statement of surprise, shock, or displeasure. 

Bloke 1: F*ck me dead. Look at the size of that Joe Blake!

Fuck sakes

An exclamation of frustration. Can be used in response to nearly anything, from being out of VB tinnies to your favourite footy team getting creamed by triple figure margins.

Sheila: This is an emergency.

Bloke: F*cks sake. This can’t be happening.

Sheila: We are out of VBs. We are completely without VB.

Bloke: Jesus… Call the authorities. Only they can help us now.

TEN MINUTES LATER

Policeman: Yes, I was called for a neighbourhood disturbance?

Bloke: we are… we have… no VBs left.

Policeman: No dramas mate. I’ll make a couple of phone calls and my superiors will be on their way.

Sheila: Thank you so much officer.

Policeman: Don’t thank me. Thank the fine, refreshing taste of Victoria Bitter.

Fuckin hell

An exclamation of frustration, shock or surprise. Can have a negative, positive or neutral connotation depending on context.

Macca’s employee: Sorry mate, we’re out of McFlurries for today. The ice cream machine is broken.

Sheila 1: F*ckin’ hell mate. What is this place even good for?

Macca’s employee: High cholesterol and empty calories.

Sheila 1: Bloody oath mate. With that in mind, I’ll grab a large Big Mac and twenty nuggets please.

Fuckin oath

Agreeing with someone or something, perhaps slightly more exuberantly than bloody oath.

Bloke 1: G’day sheila, ready to grab the ute and sink a few tinnies by the billabong?
Sheila 1: F*ckin’ oath I am.

Fuckwit

Someone who’s incredibly stupid. A popular derogatory term for Australian politicians.

Man to dog sniffing rocks: Oi Buster mate, I know they look tasty but don’t be a f*ckwit yeah?

Dog: *ignores man and eats rock*

Man: f*ckwit.

Full

The neverending list of terms Aussie blokes and sheilas have for being inebriated continues. Means to be drunk, but not parro.

Person: Crikey mate what’s this?

Person 2: Relax mate it’s just a poster.

Person: It looks like… a f*cken spider. A big, redback spider.

Person 2: Mate, you are seriously full.

Person: Not for long. *chunders*

Full as a boot

To be very intoxicated.

Bloke: *munts* f*ck me mate I’m full as a boot.

Full as a goog

To be extremely intoxicated.

Bloke: *chunders* f*ck me mate I’m full as a goog.

Full of beans

To be quite up and about, full of energy and enthusiasm.

Bloke: Mate, you’re full of beans for someone who was parro last night. No hangover?

Bloke 2: Yeah mate, if ya just get pissed again you don’t have to clear the cobwebs.

Full of it

In this phrase, it generally means ‘sh*t’. That is, the person in question is either a pathological liar or a specific story is clearly a bit too extravagant to be true.

Sheila: He told me it was 11 inches long.

Sheila 2: Bloody hell.. no way!

Sheila: Yeah he’s full of it. Nobody has a hand-circumference that big, not even ruckmen.

Full of shit

Someone that is telling a blatant lie. Said in response to an unbelievable story, often involving the storyteller bignoting themself.

Bloke 1: Quit with the furphies mate, I know youse are full of sh*t.

Bloke 2: Nah mate, this is deadset. I ain’t bein’ a scallywag this time.

Sheila 1: Yeah he’s being fair dinkum Bazza. This ain’t a stitch-up. I even got a pic or two of it.

Bloke 1: I can’t believe youse rooted me mum!

Full on

Extremely busy. Hectic, with little chance to rest.

Was working at the pub last night. Bloody hell, it was full on until 1am.

Fully sick

A way of expressing admiration, respect or excitement regarding literally anything.

The drop in this song is fully sick bro.

That dog’s eye was fully sick!

Girl 1: Have you heard AC/DC are coming to the Big Smoke?

Girl 2: No! That’s fully sick!

Furphy

To tell an outlandish story/spread a rumour that has a beginning, middle and end, each as unbelievable as each other. In spite of its absurdity, these tales are often widely accepted as true until proven otherwise. It is also a popular Victorian ale.

Person 1: Hey mate can I get a Furphy?

Person 2: No dramas bloke. So you heard about these Bunyips that hang around billabongs. I tell ya what I was in the Outback last week and I was just haven a squiz—

Person 1: No, I mean the drink you nong.

G

G’day

Hello. A jovial greeting.

Just like the stereotype would have you believe, G’day is extremely common throughout the country.

Although it literally translates to “good day,” you can say it anytime of day or night, to friends, strangers, or co-workers, or really anyone. Along with mate, it’s another quintessential Australian term. Unlike mate, however, you’d never say it to someone you’re upset with.

Bloke: Hey, just dropped in to say G’day and see how ya going.
Sheila: Yeah nah, you’re tellin’ porkies mate. I know you came by for a root!

Gab

To talk complete and utter rubbish, generally gossip about who rooted whose misso.

Girl: Let’s hit up the local pub’s beer garden and have a fair dinkum gab before this bloody sh*thouse weather kicks in.

Gabba

The Brisbane Cricket Ground, home of the most significant Queensland sporting events year-wide. Short for Wooloongabba.

Person 1: Garn to the Gabba to watch the Gold Coast Suns play?

Person 2: Their home ground is Metricon stadium in the Gold Coast, not Brisbane ya f*ckwit.

GAFA

An acronym for the middle of Australia, aka. The Outback. It means ‘The Great Australian F*ck All’. A phrase that perfectly encapsulates 90% of Australian terrain.

Bloke 1: You bring the crowbars mate?

Bloke 2: Yeah mate. Where we headed?

Bloke 1: Good you’re gonna need em. We’re garn to the GAFA.

Bloke 2: Strewth.

Galah

A member of the rowdy cockatoo family, these birds are pink, travel in packs and are as noisy as they are stupid. Can be used as a derogatory term towards someone who is loud, annoying and has little substance or intellectual conversation to impart.

Bloke 1: I hate sinking the frothies with Bazza.

Bloke 2: Why mate?

Bloke 1: He’s a f*cken galah when he’s pissed mate. Going off about the Underbelly tv series and how sh*t Neighbours has become. I don’t give a sh*t about any of it mate.

Bloke 2: Fair call mate.

Game as a piss ant

Someone who’s particularly macho, up themselves and courageous when performing tasks that they almost certainly should not be confident about.

Lucy: You’re kidden me right? I’ve heard round the traps that Bazza is game as a piss ant for the Outback beauty contest tomorrow? Gotta be a stitch-up, surely?

Jarryd: Nah he’s fair dinkum mate. Reckons he’s gonna give it a go and that he’s got what it takes. Bit of a mong that bloke, oi? With a mug like his he’d be lucky to get last place.

Gander

To have a look, squiz, Captain Cook

Teacher: Yeah alright mate, I’ll have a gander but I can’t promise I’ll get it back to you this week.

Student: Thanks sir! I’ll get you another practice essay tomorrow!

Teacher: This c*nt…

Garbo

Short for garbage man, or garbage collector.

Wife: Remember to put the garbage out tonight, it’s bin night.

Husband: Nah it’ll be right darl I’ll do it tomorrow. The garbo won’t get here till 9.

Wife: You’re thinking of the postie, dickhead.

Gas bag

Someone that talks way too much about matters that mean way too little. In more curt terms — someone who doesn’t shut their f*cken gob.

Person: James loves to have a serious gas bag doesn’t he? Last night he spoke to me for 45 minutes about how dingoes are different to dogs. What a fruit loop.

Gawk

To look at someone or something, wide-eyed like a stunned mullet. To have a bit of a captain cook, stare at something that ya probably shouldn’t be staring at, like Tony Abbott in Budgie Smugglers.

Misso: Oi stop gawking at that root rat or I’ll bash ya head in.

Gee-whiz

An exclamation of surprise or bewilderment.

Person 1: What’s good c*nts?

Person 2: Gee-whizz Bazza, not in front of the kids!

Person 1: My bad. What’s good dickheads?

Person 2: That’s better.

Get a wriggle on

Get a move on. Hurry up

Tradie 1: Get a wriggle on with me hammer mate, I ain’t got all day.

Tradie 2: Yeah, nah, where the f*ck else would ya have to be mate? Ya got no friends, no misso, no family? You’re just a dropkick dole bludger with nobody to love and nowhere to be. So I’ll give ya f*cken hummer when I’m bloody ready mate.

Get nicked

Get stolen.

Sheila: I can’t believe me bomb got knicked! That Holden Commodore did me f*cken’ real nice for some fair dinkum doney’s ears. I’m devo mate.

Get rooted!

Unfortunately this term isn’t the endearing encouragement for a friend to cop a root (have sex) as it seems. It actually just means get f*cked.

Bloke, after being cut off a sheila in traffic: Oi get rooted!

Sheila: Oh, thanks mate! Appreciate the encouragement, I’ll try me best at the club later!

Bloke: Oi nah I meant go and fu—

Sheila, rolling window up: Have a lovely day mate! You just made mine!

Get stuffed

Get the hell out of here. Go away.

A slightly nicer way of saying ‘get f*cked.’

Bloke: Can I get some of that fanny or what?
Sheila: Get stuffed.

Get the shits

To become annoyed and pissed off. Similar to ‘crack the sh*ts’, but this phrase can also mean someone has a severe case of diarrhea.

Bloke 1: Oi, what you got the sh*ts for mate?

Bloke 2: Just bushwhacked mate. Been flat out all day, just wanna sink a few coldies mate.

Get up someone

To chastise, disagree or punish.

Person 1: You don’t gotta get up me all the time mate, I’m trying me best.

Boss: No you’re not mate. You’re a f*ckin bludger mate, if ya don’t get your sh*t together I’m gonna have to give ya the flick.

Give a gobful

This phrase means to express one’s displeasure with someone, often in an abusive, explicit and loud manner.

Sheila 1: Yeah mate, I asked him to bring us back some winnie blues and all I got were f*cking Marlboro reds.

Sheila 2: That’s not on mate. I’m gonna give him a gobful when he gets back.

Give birth to a politician

To take a sh*t. I shouldn’t need to explain this one to youse. If ya can’t figure it out you’re a straight up f*ckwit.

Bloke 1: Sorry mum, I’d love to stay and chat about the new dinner plates you’re buying but I gotta blow out and give birth to a politician.

Give it a burl

To give something a shot, have a crack. Essentially means the same as ‘give it a go’.

Tradie: Can I fix this house? Probably not mate. Will I give it a burl? Abso-f*cking-lutely.

Give it a go

Give it a whirl. To try and accomplish something, often used when the task is either exceedingly difficult or tedious.

Wife: Why don’t you go out to the pub tonight without getting hammered? You can’t keep chucking sickies!
Husband: Deadset?! Alright babe, I’ll give it a go.

~ FOUR HOURS LATER ~

Husband: AUSTRALIA ALL LET US REJOIN, FOR WE ARE YOUNG AND THREE.

Go a meal or a drink

This expression means that you could attack some food and/or bevvies with ferocity.

Sheila: I could go a Macca’s quarter pounder right about now.

Sheila 2: Looks like you already have. The containers as well.

Give lip

To talk back, often to someone of higher authority — teachers, umpires, parents, people bigger than you, blokes named Bazza.

Copper 1: Yeah mate, can I have a suss of your license?

Pulled over bloke: Yeah mate, bit out of date but. (Pulls Grade 2 pen license out of his car’s glovie).

Copper: This the hill you’re gonna die on mate?

Bloke, gives the area a bit of a Captain Cook: Oi, no offence, but I don’t reckon I can see any hills around here?

Copper: Yeah mate, keep giving me lip. We’ll see how much of a pisser it is when you’re in the back of me divvy van.

Bloke: In fairness, it’d probably be a bit of a pisser. Reckon you can get a pick of me in handcuffs and the whole works so I can send it to the boys? They’d froth it.

Copper: Alright mate. Just this once.

Go ape shit

To completely lose your temper, or to go insane. This can also be a positive thing — someone can go ‘apesh*t’ and perform in a manner so powerful it is reminiscent of a strong, sexy, Alpha Silverback Gorilla.

Sports fan: Mate, that bloke went f*cken apesh*t on the court tonight. He copped 45 points as the smallest feller in the game. Bloody legend.

Gob

Mouth. The place where you shove food down for it to resurface a few days later from your brown eye. Not to be mistaken with the Arrested Development character.

Husband: Yeah, keep shovin those sanga rolls down ya gob ya fat f*ck.

Wife: Yeah no dramas. By the way, I rooted ya best mate last night.

Go bung

For something to break, often for no real reason, particularly after a long night of hitting the piss. Car not working after being blackout drunk? Definitely an isolated incident.

Person 1: I can’t believe me sh*thouse washing machine went bung after I hid some bevvies in there and forgot about em. Ya’d think that in this day and age technology would be alcohol-proof!

Goer

Someone or something that is appealing, particularly from a sexual standpoint.

Sal: Oi, that mullet he’s rockin is a bit of a goer, don’t ya reckon mate? Wouldn’t say no to copping a root from a bloke with a flowing mane like that.

Go for broke

To perform a high-risk, high-reward action. Though the phrase comes from outlandish business manoeuvres, it can apply to all walks of life including sports and relationships.

Bloke 1: I think the missus wants to leave me mate.

Bloke 2: Fair dinkum? That’s rough mate. Maybe you should go for broke. Ask her to marry ya.

Bloke 1: You reckon mate?

Bloke 2: Nah, yeah mate. I reckon.

Gobsmacked

To be absolutely, incomprehensibly, unprecedentedly shocked or astounded. This slang term usually has a negative connotation but can be used in a variety of manners.

Bloke: My sheila did the Harold mate. She walked out on me. Gone. Poof. Just gone. I’m devo mate.

Bloke 2: Fair dinkum? Mate that’s loony. I’m gobsmacked. Can’t believe it mate. Absolutely can’t believe it.

Bloke: Yeah mate, bit blue for it. But what can you do mate? Just gotta get on with it. Troop on.

Bloke 2: Oath mate. I reckon you need one or thirty Tooheys.  

Going off

This phrase has multiple meanings: an angry bloke or sheila expressing their displeasure, a particularly raucous venue filled with drunk or drugged partygoers, or a sportsman/woman playing exceptionally well.

Bloke on phone: Oi. Everyone get the f*ck in here. Bazza’s pissup is going off. I repeat. Bazza’s pissup is going off.

Person: Mate all I did was tell that polly I thought Midnight Oil were garbage and he started going off about how I was a grommet and knew nothing about society.

Person 2: No sh*t, that polly was Peter Garrett mate.

Golliwog

Children’s dolls that used to (and occasionally still are) sold in Australia and Britain. They resemble a racist caricature of a black person, accentuating facial features in a demeaning manner.

Bloke 1: Oi check out this fully sick Golliwog I picked up at the antique store yesterday.
Bloke 2: Mate… Nah mate. You can’t be doing that.

Goner

Someone that is about to have something bad happen to them. Usually a belting.

Bazza: Is that f*ckin’ true Brent? What they’ve been sayin’? That ya rooted my sister?

Brent: Wasn’t just me mate, she’s a deadset Root Rat.

Bazza: f*ck me dead mate, you’re a goner. (Insert video of Barry Hall punching Brent Staker)

Gone to the dogs

This phrase means that something’s gone to sh*t. A plan, person, or object has gone completely wrong and been left by the wayside for rabid dogs (in Straya those blokes are called dingoes) to tear apart.

Bloke: Mate I had this fair dinkum ripper plan for a pissup on Saturday in me yard but that’s gone to the dogs with the change in forecast.

Gone troppo

To go damn well insane after retreating to a tropical location isolated from society for far too long. Commonly attributed to people who holiday in Queensland or the Pacific islands.

Mate 1: I’ve been hearing some weird things about you mate. Some blokes are saying you’ve gone troppo since you been gone. What’s going on mate?

Mate 2: No. I have not gone tropical. I have absolutely no idea what it is you, or they, or anybody else, is talking about, my friend.

Mate 1: F*ck mate you’ve skitzed it haven’t ya.

Good as gold

To just generally be good. Often used in the context of children (little sh*ts) being well-behaved (not being little sh*ts).

Father, picking up children from daycare: Alright, how have they all been. Well-behaved I hope.

Daycarer: Good as gold mate! They ate all their vegemite and the little bugger here even suggested we watch a few episodes of The Wiggles! Cracker of a time.

Father: Mate, I’m stoked. *patting children on the back*. I know who’s gonna be sinking a few VBs tonight as reward…. Me! For being a bloody ripper dad.

Good oh

An expression of surprised pleasure or happiness, generally after being told that VB slabs are 50% off at the local servo.

Clubgoer: G’day mate, ya wouldn’t have a durry ya could spare me do ya?

Clubgoer 2: Nah, yeah mate, in fact I got two for ya.

Clubgoer: Good oh! Cheers c*nt.

Good oil

Information, rumours or concepts that are true, well received or helpful.

Bloke 1: Ya got the good oil on this new beer they’re bringing out?

Bloke 2: Yeah mate. It’s meant to be a combination of four x, VB and coopers. All in one f*cken stubby.

Bloke 1: That’s bloody fantastic.

Good on ya

Good for you. A way of saying well done. Great job.

Often said sarcastically, without actually meaning it, and thus implying the exact opposite.

Mate 1: Pass us a durry would ya?
Mate 2: I left em on the servo bench man.
Mate 1: Ah good on ya, ya f*ckin’ drongo.

Googie

One of those weird round things that chooks sh*t out. Eggs

Waitress: What’s for breakfast? Woman: Couple of poached googies wouldn’t go astray I reckon. Vegemite on the toast too please.

Goon

The king of all booze. If you ever see a group of teenagers in park equipped with a silvery, foil bag that could be mistaken for a cushion, you know they’re in for a good night. Casked wine, sold at 10 dollars per litre, drinking this sh*t is a rite of passage in Australia. Chundering from goon is a similarly common and encouraged event among Australian youths.

Teenager 1: This is some fine goon.

Teenager 2: Why yes, what a spectacle indeed. What a fantastic, superb alcoholic beverage. I cannot wait to dip my toes into the culinary world that goon presents. A discount form of wine, my goodness. An absolute treat.

Teenager 1: I must admit, I’m a little bewildered.

Teenager 2: Why’s that my good sir?

Teenager 1: I feel a little inkling in my head. I don’t feel so sure-footed.

Teenager 2: Not to worry chap. Some more of this fine goon will be a splendid choice to fix your ailment.

Teenager 1: indeed.

Ten minutes later

Teenager 1: Oi nah c*nt.

Teenager 2: Nah fair dinkum c*nt I’m for real. I rooted ya mum.

Teenager 1: Nah no chance mate. Cos I rooted YOUR mum.

Goss

Short for gossip.

Person: What’s the goss on Shazza and Dazza? I’ve heard their relationship might be cooked

Go to buggery

A much nicer and funnier way of telling someone to get f*cked. Often used between friends. You probably wouldn’t tell someone you’re having a serious argument with to ‘go to buggery’ because, well, you’d sound like a f*ckwit.

Sam: Oi James. James: Yeah mate.

Sam: Go to buggery.

James: Why?

Sam: Why not?

James: Fair dinkum.

Sam: Oath.

Grab by the balls

To take something on — often in a brave or commanding manner. Can be applied to gameplay in sports, projects in the workplace or difficult situations.

Matt: Ya know what mate? I’m just gonna grab it by the balls and ask her out. What’s the worst that could happen?

James: She tells ya to get buggered and ya get so upset ya quit ya job and end up as a dole bludger for the rest of ya life?

Grab forty winks

To catch a bit of shut-eye. To sneak a nap, often during a period of time when you shouldn’t be.

Bloke 1: f*ck me dead this is the deadset best root I’ve ever had?

Sheila 1: Fair dinkum? No dramas, reckon I might grab forty winks real quick but. Your best seems pretty how ya garn.

Great galloping goannas!

A hilarious expression of shock or surprise. Not dissimilar to ‘Strewth’. Often said upon opening up the door to the loo and seeing a 6-foot spider in there punching a durry and rooting ya missus.

Woman: Great galloping goannas! Is that Hugh Jackman?

Green around the gills

When someone’s lookin a bit how ya ‘garn and about to unload a technicolour yawn. To look sick, or as if you’re about to chunder.

Father: You’re lookin a bit green around the gills mate. You a bit sloshed or eat somethin that’s playin funny buggers on ya bread basket?

Greenie

A derogatory term aimed at those who believe in climate change, recycling, animal welfare and other scientific myths. Please note: this is a joke. I ain’t Pauline Hanson.

Bloke 1: Hahaha look at all these moronic greenies. Putting out their recycling just cos the greenie pollies tell em too. It’s a rort mate. They’re stealing our recyclables.

Bloke 2: So where do you put yours?

Bloke 1: Ah I just chuck em over the fence. Some other bloke’s problem.

Grinning like a shot fox

To be insulted, do something incomprehensibly stupid or otherwise be embarrassed yet hold your ground and smile smugly as though it has all gone according to plan because you don’t really understand what has just happened. I imagine a fox being shot wouldn’t be too happy about the matter and will often bare their teeth, resembling a smile.

Bloke 1: Mate. Fair dinkum mate. What were you thinking? What kind of pick-up line is ‘let’s do the naughty’. Everyone’s sussing you out mate. They think you’re a perve.

Bloke 2, smirking: Yeah, nah. She’s gonna crack back onto me mate.

Bloke 1: Stop grinning like a shot fox mate. You’re lucky she doesn’t call the coppers.

10 MINUTES LATER

Sheila: Hey, I just wanted to tell you I thought your line was really cute. Wanna go for a bevvie?

Bloke 1: Strewth!

Grizzle

To have a good, long complain about something, often under your breath and with no desire for a solution. Just wanting to talk sh*t about someone or something.

Bloke: Ya done having ya grizzle about housing prices in Sydney mate? You’re talkin’ to me as tho I give a sh*t about anythin over than ice cold piss and menthol ciggies.

Grog

Piss. Booze. VB.

Employee: I’m gonna be a bit late to work today boss.

Boss: It’ll be nice of you to rock up. Why you gonna be late?

Employee: Gotta pick up the grog mate.

Boss: You ripper.

Grommet

Medically used to assist ear infections, this is also a slang term for an egotistical but inexperienced surfer.

Girl 1: You ever had a grommet inserted into you?

Girl 2: Ew, no, they’re so gross. They think they’re so cool just because they’re waxheads.

Girl 1: Uh, yeah. Right.

Grot

Someone who rummages around their schnozz for a winner and flicks it at ya after finding a suitable candidate. A gross c*nt.

Sister: Did you just leave a floater in the toilet without flushing? Bazza you’re such a grot!

Grouse

A term that is interchangeable with fully sick, meaning fantastic, pleasant or excellent.

Girl: That pav was absolutely grouse nan!
Nan: Wait till you see what’s for dessert.

Grub

Food

Person 1: Want some grub mate?

Person 2: Yeah, nah mate. Just a few tinnies and I’ll be on me way.

Grundies

Another popular rhyming slang used by Aussies, this term means underwear. It comes from media personality’s name Reg Grundy rhyming with undies.

Bloke 1: Mate, have those grundies got Elmo on them? You can’t be serious.

Bloke 2: Yeah mate. Elmo. Bloody rippers these are.

Bloke 1: Honestly mate? Nah, yeah. They go alright mate.

Gunna

Slang for ‘going to’. Obviously it’s way sicker to say it this way.

Mother: Did ya clean ya room?

Son: Well I was gunna, but then I punched a few billies and sunk a few beers and decided I’d rather just watch The Castle on Blu Ray.

Gurgler

Plughole/sinkhole. Where piss, munt and water goes down. Can also be used metaphorically (ie. down the gurgler).

Teacher, watching student: All that talent, all that intellect. And he’s gunna throw it down the gurgler just to impress his mates by flat chatting beer bongs.

Gutful of piss

To have one’s stomach filled to the brim with alcoholic beverages, usually VB. To be drunk.

Anthony: Look chief, I’ve had a gutful of piss, and I’m in no state to be putting up with any of this hard yakka ya making me do. I’m buggered after doin just one dish!

Guts

Stomach or bravery, depending on context. Can also mean both — if ya spillen ya guts furiously after a night of being parro at the pub, you’ve probably performed a few heroic deeds just prior.

Bloke: To do what you did? Say that sh*t right to ya bosses face? That takes guts. It also takes a f*ckwit, so there’s that too.

Gutzer(come a)

To have a near-catastrophic accident or failure. Of course, when I say near-catastrophic I mean spilling a VB or falling off the back of a Ute going 10 clicks an hour.

Person 1: Oi mate you’ve seriously come a gutzer on this one. How the f*ck could ya put your mortgage up on black? The casino always wins mate. The casino always f*cken wins. Roulette rolls black
Person 1: Well, f*ck me dead c*nt. Guess it’s your shout

Gynie

Short for gynecologist, those doctors that, well, investigate vaginas. Medically, of course. Of course. I wonder what ya’d call a balls doctor. Your Uncle, perhaps?

Sheila 1: Ya been to see the gyno recently mate?

Sheila 2: Yeah just went last week for a pappie. All good. Yaself?

Sheila 1: Yeah mate got this good as one in Wollongong.

Bloke gives me a VB after every sesh. It’s a fair dinkum setup I reckon.

Sheila 2: Foath! Gimme their details mate, that sounds like a ripper doc.

Gyno

Short for gynaecologist

Sheila 1: I had to see the gyno the other day.

Sheila 2: Strewth! How was it?

Sheila 1: No idea mate, I was off me face at the time and don’t remember a thing.

H

Hack it

To continue to do something/attempt to do something, often under adversity.

Person 1: I dunno if I can hack it in this industry but bugger it, I’ll give it a shot.

Person 2: Do ya make a habit of telling yaself motivational bulldust out loud ya freak?

Had it

To be fed up with, or sick of something. A term often used in frustration or anger after being the victim of multiple stitch-ups.

Teen 1: Oi, now listen up youse blokes. I’ve deadset had it. I’ve had enough of youse blokes, every day, coming in here and tellin me ya’ve rooted me mum, or me sister, or me missus. It’s gotta stop, and stop now.

Teen 2: Yeah no dramas mate. Don’t be blue, she’ll be apples.

Teen 3: Yeah all good chief. Won’t say it no more.

Teen 1: Cheers boys. *pause*

Teen 2: Not tellin a furpphy or nuthing but, I did root ya nan.

Hack it

To perform, tolerate or complete a task.

Bloke 1: Yeah, nah I don’t reckon the Storm can hack it mate. They haven’t won a game in yonks.

Half your luck

This phrase takes on multiple meanings depending on context. It can either be used as congratulations or well wishes, as well as from an envious standpoint (I wish I had half your luck!)

Mate 1: I was just standing there, minden’ me own bizzo, when a f*ckin’ cockie just dropped a pack of winnie blues on me head. New and all. Not opened.

Mate 2: Fair dinkum? Mate that’s crazy. If I had half your luck.

Hammie

Short for hamstring (the muscle, not some made up dumb sh*t like a piece of ham on a string that you use to make dogs do your bidding). Often in reference to ‘doing’ one, as in pulling the muscle.

Tradie 1: If ya make me do any more of this hard yakka I’m gonna pull a hammie mate.

Tradie 2: You haven’t gotten off ya arse all day mate, whaddya talkin about?

Tradie 1: The action of moving the stubby from the stubby holder to me move uses a lot of muscular energy bro. I would be at serious risk of injury if I were to stress meself any further. And then I would have to call… the Ombuds Man.

Tradie 2: You’re a few sandwiches short of a picnic, aren’t ya mate?

Tradie 1: I’d froth a sanga or two, cheers c*nt.

Handle

A glass used for drinking beer that has been equipped with a handle. For more sophisticated piss consumption.

Person 1: Yeah mate, I’ll just grab a VB tinnie, but can I get it poured into a handle? Cheers cobber.

Bartender: Righto, fruit loop.

Happy as a bastard on father’s day

Though I would personally celebrate the savings on not buying a present one might make, this phrase generally means very unhappy, upset.

Sam: I heard she broke up with her misso. She looks as blue as the ocean mate.

Jake: As happy as a bastard on father’s day I reckon.

Sam: i never heard that before, that’s a good one. Yours?

Jake: Nah some bloke on yeahaustralia.com wrote a definition of it so I copped it from there. Pretty neat, oi?

Sam: Fair dinkum.

Happy little vegemite

An irritating song used to promote the popular Strayan spread Vegemite. Now used to refer to little children being really happy, however often used ironically when they’re actually being little sh*ts.

Son: If you don’t buy the Wiggles flavoured cigarettes I’m going to scream and embarass you!

Mother: Ohhh, aren’t you a happy little vegemite?

Hard yakka

While most yakka is hard, not all yakka is hard, but all hard yakka is yakka. If you’re a True Blue Aussie, that should make perfect sense.

Farmer, wiping sweat from his brow: This is some serious Hard Yakka.

Jillaroo: You’ve been playing Fortnite against 12-year-olds for all of 30 minutes mate, what hard yakka have you actually done?

Farmer: Nunya. Jillaroo: Nunya what?

Farmer: f*ckING LAG. f*ck YOU NBN YA BASTARD DOGS.

Hassle

To annoy, irritate or aggravate someone or something.

Person 1: Oi mate, ya reckon you can f*cken hurry up? It’s freezing mate I need this fire up and going.

Person 2: Stop hassling me ya drongo or I’ll just give up and go home.

Have a bo-peep

Means to have a quick, but often unproductive look. Based on the nursery rhyme of Little Bo-Peep who somehow manages to lose an entire flock of sheep. f*ckwit.

Sheila: I reckon I’ll go have a bo-peep in this playground and see if any c*nt has buried any darts for me. Fiending a durry.

Sheila 2: Why would they have done that? Why would anyone bury a full pack of ciggies?

Sheila: Can ya tell me why the f*ck not? Nah? Well get f*cked mate and help me have a suss.

Have a burl

Essentially means to have a go, or to give something a shot. Attempt to succeed or complete a task, such as rootin ya mum. Haha nah, just stitchin-youse up. I would’nt do that. Oi, yeah, nah but, if ya mum is keen?

Person: Don’t give up so easy. Who knows, maybe a restaurant that serves VB-flavoured fish and chips will be a hit once it opens. Might as well have a burl.

Have a go

Similar to give it a go, though normally used as a suggestion for someone else to perform a task that is undesirable.

Alternatively, can imply someone is making a heroic attempt at a near-impossible job.

Son: The loo is clogged again.
Dad: I don’t want to chuck anymore cash at a plumber. Have a go at cleaning it yourself.

Girl 1: Someone please help! I bought a slab of Coopers and there’s still 17 left! I need assistance immediately!
Girl 2, (rolling up sleeves): No dramas mate, I’ll have a go.

Have a lend

To lead someone on, to take advantage of someone’s kindness or stupidity.

Friend 1: Oi mate I rooted ya old cheese.

Friend 2: What? How could you? I thought we were friends. Best friends even.

Friend 1: Haha nah relax mate, I’m just havin’ a lend of ya.

Have a naughty

To do it. You know. Sex.

Bloke 1: When was the last time you and your sheila had a naughty mate?

Bloke 2: F*cken’ 1992 I reckon. Been a bit of a dry spell.

Bloke 1: Strewth mate! That’s fair dinkum outrageous.

Heaps

Lots. High supply of. Many.

Bloke 1: You in a good mood?
Bloke 2: I’m stuffed mate, they had heaps of snags at the Bunnings sizzle. That’s bloody good grub.
Bloke 1: Mate I asked if you were in a good mood, not if you wanted good food you stitchup.

Sick Girl after Drinking a Tinnie: Ahhh yeah, that’s heaps better.

Hey

Not the horse food you f*ckin’ drongo c*nt.

Bloke 1: Hey mate.

Bloke 2: What’s good cobber.

Bloke 1: Yeah, nah not a lot mate. Yaself?

Bloke 2: Nah, yeah, all good here mate.

Hills Hoist

This object is a popular Australian clothes line that rotates on an axis. It is commonly adorned with wet clothes and, more traditionally, goon.

Hit the piss

To smash some bevvies. To get on the beers. To expose your body to toxic levels of alcohol.

Sheila 1: ‘son for tonight?

Sheila 2: Hit the piss. You?

Sheila 1: Yeah. Reckon I’ll smash the turps.

Sheila 1: Sick.

Sheila 2: Oath.

Hit the nail on the head

To express a point perfectly without beating around the bush.

Domenic, sarcastically: Yeah Ben, ya really hit the nail on the head with that one. Sure Carlton Draught and VB do taste the same. Fair dinkum good call mate…

Hit the turps

Referring to turpentines alcoholic (and poisonous content) this phrase means to get on the grog, especially when on a multi-day bender.

Friend 1: What happened to Bruce mate? Did he do the Harold?

Friend 2: Nah, yeah mate. He hit the turps and we haven’t heard from him since. Last I know he was in Brisvegas blowing hundreds on the pokies.

Holy dooley

An expression used when faced with a great surprise. Essentially means ‘goodness gracious me!’

Bloke 1: Oi c*nt, check out the size of that huntsman.

Bloke 2: Holy dooley! That’s not on mate! That’s bloody not on!

Bloke 1: Nah just a stitch-up mate, it’s on a string see?

Homestead

A house, cabin or living quarters that is located on an expansive property often containing livestock.

Person 1: Is there a homestead on this station?

Person 2: Nah, yeah just up there by the billabong.

Hoon

Derived from hooligan, a hoon are those kids who drive around in red Holden commodores, clocking 20kms over the speed limit and knocking off letterbox heads with a well-oiled Slazenger cricket bat.

Bloke 1: What’d ya get a red ute for mate? The cops are always gonna pull ya over when they see ya.

Bloke 2: Yeah, nah mate. It’s fully sick. I ain’t gonna hoon around in it so what’s the problem?

TWENTY MINUTES LATER

Bloke 2: F*CK YEAH C*NT F*CKEN 150 CLICKS AN HOUR IS BLOODY FAST.

Hoof it

This phrase means to get the f*ck out of there, either figuratively, or more often, literally.

Drug dealer: Yeah alright mate that’ll be 60 bucks.

Customer: Alright mate here’s the cashola. Where’s the mull?

Dealer: Ah f*ck me dead mate, see that Feral parked over there? Undercover copper mate. Looks bad. Better hoof it before they come after ya. I’ll send ya the weed in the mail mate, no dramas.

Customer: Alright mate, cheers for looking out for me.

Dealer: Yeah, nah course mate. *customer runs away and dealer counts money* f*ckin yuppies. When has a copper ever driven a rusting brown Ute?

Hooroo

A jovial, somewhat uncommon way of saying goodbye.

Man: Cheers for letting me use the dunny mate. Hooroo!

Hotel

While this term is often used internationally to refer to a large establishment where people exchange money for a place to sleep, in Australia this just as commonly refers to a pub that serves ice cold piss, chicken parmigiana and an entire room filled with pokies.

Sheila 1: Oi mate let’s head off the hotel tonight. Feel like a parma and a pokies sesh.

Sheila 2: Oath mate.

Hottie

A water bottle covered with a sleeve that is heated up and then applied to sore muscles or the body in general to apply warmth. Also, an attractive woman.

Bloke 1: Oi check out that hottie over there.

Bloke 2: F*cken oath mate, she could really make my muscles feel good.

How good is that?

A rhetorical question meaning: pretty f*ckin’ good.

Bloke: A slab of VB for twenty bucks? How good is that?

How you going?

How are you doing? Depending on the part of the country, this can either sound like ‘haya going?’ or ‘how ya garn?’

‘How ya garn?’ actually refers to something that is rather questionable. Implication ranges in severity from humorously offbeat to downright distressing.

How you going mate you orroight?

Customer 1: What you got there mate?
Customer 2: Just a fillet-o-fish, no fries and a garden salad.
Customer 1: No offense mate but that’s a bit f*ckin’ how ya garn.

Teen 1: Oi check out that bloke smoking a durry in one hand and vaping in the other.
Teen 2: That’s as how ya garn as it gets mate.

Howzat!

Means ‘how’s that?’ An exclamation, often used in cricket, to ask the umpire if an appeal is successful. Best not to be used in court when contesting a public drinking fine.

Steve Smith: HOWZAT?!?!?!

Umpire: Not out.

Steve Smith: Yeah, nah get f*cked. *to batsman* You’re a goner mate. You swing like a rusty gate.

Hurl

Though can be used in its traditional sense, which means to throw something heftily, in Straya this term is often used interchangably with munt, chunder, technicolor yawn, or when one relieves one’s nausea due to Extreme Piss Consumption (EPC).

Son: Ah sh*t I gotta hurl, anyone got a bag?

Mate: I got a copy of the Herald Sun?

Son: That’ll do just fine.

I

I’ll be stuffed

An exclamation of shock or surprise. A variation of ‘I’ll be damned’.

Person 1: I’ll be stuffed mate. I didn’t think anything could be better than a VB on a 40 degree day but ya proved me wrong.

Person 2: Yeah these menthols go alright ay mate?

Icy Pole

A frozen treat perfect to cool the body on a hot day. They are often blocks of flavoured ice on a paddle pop stick sold at milk bars.

Anyone on a 40 degree do: I could just about go for an icy pole I reckon.

Iffy

Questionable, uncertain, how ya going.

Bloke 1: You were at the Gold Coast game on the weekend yeah mate? How’d they go, I only sussed out the score.

Bloke 2: Bit iffy at the start mate but they got the job done.

Bloke 1: They lost by 100 points mate!

Bloke 2: Exactly. Job done.

I kid you not

Essentially means ‘I’m not kidding/joking’. Deadset. Used before somebody says something incredulous and often unbelievable.

Bloke 1: Yeah, nah look mate I was at Rev’s on the weekend and I kid you not I saw ya missus hook up with 7 different blokes.

Bloke 2: Fair go at a stitch-up mate but not ya best Furphy truth be told, seeing as we were with me olds watchen Kath and Kim.

Bloke 1: Ripper show.

Bloke 2: Oath

In a tic

In a second, very soon. Refers to the click of a tock each second.

Wife: Oi Bruce, can ya clean up the dishes ya grot?

Husband: In a tic darl, after this show. *5 hours later*

Wife: Is divorce with a ‘c’ or an ‘s’?

In the shit

To be in some deep, sticky trouble, ranging from being told off by your wife for eating the entire pav, being tailed by the law, or being down by 45 points at three-quarter time in an AFL game.

Friend 1: Yeah I asked if Bazza was gonna have another piss-up soon but he said he was in the sh*t with the coppers after the last one. Might be a while before we hear from him again. 

In the tin

To be in jail, both figuratively and literally.

Bloke 1: Haha so I told the missus that Myer stocked overpriced garbage and I wouldn’t go with her anymore.

Bloke 2: Yeah how’d that go down?

Bloke 1: Yeah mate I’m in the tin for that one. Worth it though, got to stay home and watch that ripper of a footy match.

Bloke 2: Richmond won by nearly a hundred points mate, it was a pretty sh*t match.

Bloke 1: Yeah but I had a gutful of piss so it was grouse.

I’ve had it!

A phrase famously heard from anyone that cracks the sh*ts. Legend has it, if ya sit quiet enough out the back, you’ll hear it eleven times an hour as blokes fight with their missos over who chomped the last durry in the deck.

Bloke: Alright youse c*nts, I’ve absolutely had it. Stop replacing the VBs in my fridge with toilet paper rolls or I’ll go apesh*t.

J

Jackaroo

A young, unexperienced man who works on a ranch with livestock in order to become a skilled farm practitioner.

Jackaroo: Yeah mate I reckon I’m gonna have me own farm one day. Own a few sheep, a few cows, the simple life mate. It’s all about the simple life.

Bloke: Get stuffed mate you’ve been a jackaroo for all of two hours.

Jacked off

To beat the old feller. To have a tug. To enjoy a night by yourself. Ya get me?

Teen: When I went on holiday with the old fellas I didn’t jack off for weeks. I felt as though I had superpowers man.

Jack shit

This essentially means nothing.

Person: Ya think ya so switched on but you deadset know jacksh*t about donks mate. You couldn’t fix a car if it was out of fuel!

Jaffle iron

A sandwich press used to make toasted sandwiches, traditionally stuffed with cheese, ham and tomato.

Jarmies

Short for pyjamas. Blokes pretend like saying this is effeminate, but the truth is every true Blue Bazza has asked their misso to bring em their jarmies once or twice.

Sheila: Those are some real daggy jarmies mate. Are those little vegemites on the waistband?

Jillaroo

A young, inexperienced female who works on a cattle or sheep station in order to become a skilled farm practitioner. A female jackaroo.

Jillaroo: Yeah mate I reckon I’m gonna have me own farm one day. Own a few sheep, a few cows, the simple life mate. It’s all about the simple life.

Bloke: Get stuffed mate you’ve been a jillaroo for all of four hours.

Jingoes

An expression of shock or surprise, usually framed in a positive context.

Bloke 1: By jingoes mate this is a ripper of an icy pole.

Joe bloggs

A fictional person that is used as a placeholder when trying to make a point, like John Smith, or Jane Doe.

Bloke: Yeah mate, even, bloody, Joe Bloggs from down the street knows that to throw a proper barbie ya gotta buy all ya snags in advance from bunnings.

Joe blake

Yet another masterful Aussie rhyming slang, this time meaning snake. If someone asks you if you want to meet Joe Blake, best not to take them up on that offer.

Person 1: Got me reptile license the other day. Check out me Joe Blake!

Person 2: Crikey! That thing is built like a brick sh*thouse.

Person 1: Oath mate. His name is Ralph. Say G’day to the bloke.

Person 2: Does he bite?

Person 1: Nah I shouldn’t think so mate.

Joey

An infant kangaroo, typically still spending time in their mother’s pouch.

Bloke 1: Oi mate, check out how cute those little Joeys are!

Bloke 2: Don’t go any closer mate or that big f*cker roo will kick your noggin’ in.

Joint

A place — often one that holds events. Also, obviously, a marijuana cigarette. Not that I know anything about that.

Bargoer: I reckon I might bail on this joint. The piss is watered down to sh*t, it’s a bloody joke.

John

Slang term for toilet. Sh*tter. Poo-hole.

I’ll be back in a second mate, just gotta pay a visit to the John.

Journo

Short for journalist.

Sports fan 1: Ya see what that journo wrote in the Herald Sun about Dusty Martin? Fair dinkum legend that bloke is.

Sports fan 2: Nah, yeah mate. F*cken oath.

Jug

This Aussie slang word has two distinct meanings. The first is a kettle that uses electricity instead of gas. The second, and perhaps more common usage is for female boobs, particularly hefty ones.

Bloke 1: Oi check out those mammoth jugs mate.

Bloke 2: F*ck me dead mate. I reckon you could get five litres of boiled water easy out of one of those.

Jumbuck

Slang term for sheep, particularly a ram. This term gained popularity from the famous poem filled with Aussie phrases ‘Waltzing Matilda’.

‘Down came a jumbuck to drink at the billabong, up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee, he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag, you’ll come a-Waltzing Matilda with me’

K

K’s

Short for km’s, which in turn is short for kilometers, which in turn is shorter than a mile.

Local in the outback: You’re not too far off the beaten track mate. The closest servo is just a few k’s to ya left so ya can pick up a few sanga rolls there if ya hungry.

Kafuffle

A skirmish, or fight, that never really breaks out into a full-on pub brawl. A bit of a scuffle. Maybe a pot of beer gets broken but that’s about the extent of the damage.

Man: Nah I reckon I’ll give that club a miss mate. Last time I got into a kafuffle with some bloke cos he knicked me lighter and then claimed he found it on the d-floor. I mean who in their right mind picks up a random lighter off the sweaty, sticky club floor in the first place? Absolute cooked unit.

Kanga

Short for kangaroo, but has taken on a life of its own with a multitude of meanings including: Australian currency, the way someone squats like a roo when taking a sh*t, and the nickname for prominent afl player John (and now Josh) Kennedy.

Bloke: That’s deadset cooked mate.

Sheila: What is.

Bloke: Suss that kanga over there! Just out in the open and all.

Sheila: That’s not on mate. What’s he even gonna use for a dunny roll—Oh I see. He has a copy of Tony Abbott’s biography. Nah, yeah, that adds up.

Kangaroos loose in the top paddock

Imagine if you had a few kangaroos running wild, causing mayhem and destruction in your brain. You probably wouldn’t be too productive in the intelligence department. Means slow of wit, stupid.

Bloke 1: Are you fair dinkum tellin’ me that this here f*cken stubby of ‘craft beer’ is just as good as an ice-cold tinnie of VB? You got a few roos loose in the top paddock mate. You’ve deadset lost it.

Kaput

When something is cooked/fried/buggered/f*cked/dead, it’s kaput.

Family member: Can anyone give me a lift to the station?

Family, in unison: Yeah, nah mate. Car’s kaput. Ya on ya own.

Keen

Demonstrating enthusiasm or excitement for performing a specific task, hobby or event.

Mate 1: Keen to get slaughtered tonight?
Mate 2: I reckon.

Keen as mustard

I’m not sure about the keenness of mustard as an entity, or whether mustard itself can actually be considered an entity capable of feelings. Means extremley enthusastic, eager.

Bloke 1: Pub?

Bloke 2: Pub.

Bloke 1: Keen as mustard blokes.

Bloke 1: Yep, yep, yep.

Bloke 2: Nah, yeah. Should be a ripper.

Bloke 1: Oath.

Kelpie

A farmer’s best friend. A high-energy, athletic and intelligent dog used to round sheep.

Farmer: Mate I bought this kelpie to help me round up me jumbucks, but this f*cker just runs around barking at snakes and trying to eat flies all day.

Kero

Short for kerosene. Useful for lighting fires and performing light-hearted arson such as burning down your mate’s shed.

Mate 1: Oi, ya got the kero mate?

Mate 2: Oath mate.

Mate 1: Alright chuck it on his cubby house, I’ve got the light.

Mate 2: This is gonna be such a classic stitch-up mate.

Mate 1: They’re gonna be talking about us as larrikins for years mate. For f*cken yonks.

Kick in

Essentially means ‘chip in’. To give money to something, be it a cause, gift or something similar.

Bloke 1: This is a really important cause mate. I really reckon you should all kick in a bit.

Bloke 2: Alright, no dramas mate.

Bloke 1: You’re a legend mate. Cheers. I’ll grab the slab now.

Kindy

Short for kindergarten, the German phrase meaning ‘Child garden’, where the children go to grow, intellectually and socially. Essentially pre-school education for children.

Mother: My little Bazza is all grown up now. Hope you enjoy your first day at kindy, my big three-year-old boy!

Bazza: Oi, nah, get f*cked mum, I’m dropping out of kindy to pursue my dream of ripping billies and getting generally f*cked up .

Kiwi

Someone that hails from our little (and better-run) bros in New Zealand.

Aussie bloke: Oi c*nt.

Kiwi bloke: What cuz?

Aussie bloke: What’s the difference between an Aussie and a Kiwi?

Kiwi bloke: What?

Aussie bloke: Kiwis are from New Zealand.

Kiwi bloke, getting up off the floor and starting to chase the Aussie bloke: Alright I’ve f*cken had it with your sh*t jokes. Get back here ya little sh*t.

Kiwiland

Slang for New Zealand.

Me, and every other Strayan: Can’t wait till this virus sh*t has buggered off so we can go to Kiwiland and see Mordor.

Klicks

Military slang for kilometre.

Hiker: Come on champ, don’t give up yet. It’s a ripper day and the view at the top is beaut. Only a few klicks left!

Knackered

f*cked. Tired. Buggered. Broken.

Tradie: Mate I’m knackered from all this yakka. Time for a break.

Tradie 2: Fair dinkum mate, it’s 3pm.

Tradie: f*ck me dead, you know what that means.

Sesh o’clock Tradie 2: Yeah mate. I reckon we can sit down for a high tea with the blokes and pound a few cups of Earl Grey.

Tradie: Oath

Knickers

Underwear, particularly females’.

Boyfriend: Ay Shazza, guess what?

Girlfriend: What is it Baz.

Boyfriend: I knicked your knickers and threw em in the bin. What a stitch-up.

Knock

To talk sh*t about, criticise.

Don’t knock it till ya try it mate.

Knocker

Someone who often incessantly and unjustifiably criticises someone or something.

Person 1: Why you gotta be such a knocker for mate? AC/DC are highly influential, known and beloved by all f*cken true blue Aussies and just straight up good.

Person 2: Nah they’re a bit sh*t but.

Person 1: Yeah, nah, you’re sh*t.

Knock it on the head

To put a stop to something

Crazed drug dealer: So you’re hearin what I’m saying right? The kangaroos can be used as pouches to transport our weed from one state border to the next without any cops picking us up! Then we just bloody have some bloke on the other side waiting to collect the package. It’s a f*ckin ripsnorter of a plan mate.

Bloke: Yeah, I reckon I’m gonna show ya some footage of a kangaroo kicking a poor soul in the nuts and that’ll go right ahead and knock this plan of yours on the head.

Knock-off

This phrase has multiple meanings: to steal something, a replica, usually of poor quality, or to leave work.

Bogan in Bali: Oi mate, check out these Gucci knock-offs. Twenty bucks each, what a f*ckin’ steal!

Knuckle sandwich

Imagine you’re munching on a sandwich, when as you bite it, a fist comes flying through the slices of bread and smacks you in the face. Now imagine it without the bread.

Bully: If ya don’t hand over ya lunch money I’ll give ya a thrashing mate. Snivelling dweeb: B-b-b-b-ut what will I eat for lunch?

Bully, pondering: Hmmmm… May I suggest, a knuckle sandwich?

L

Lag

Not to be confused with the villain of the gaming industry, this term also means to tattle on someone’s misdeeds.

Student: Miss Rettib, some of the blokes are smoking durries in the toilets again.

Miss Rettib: You don’t have any friends, do you Jimmy? I wonder why? Don’t be a lag. Run along now, I’ll deal with it.

IN THE BOYS TOILETS

Miss Rettib: One of you blokes got a light?

Laid-back

Most True Blue Aussie blokes and sheilas — someone who responds no wuckin furries to anything. Chilled out and relaxed, generally with stubby in hand, Winnie blue in mouth.

Bloke: Yeah, nah I reckon he’s pretty laidback about the whole thing. When I told him I was rootin’ his sister he just told me if I get her pregnant that I gotta name the baby after him.

Lair

Not to be confused with a dark den that houses witches and other ungainly creatures, this is a slang term for an attention-grabbing youth, particularly one who is outlandishly dressed and oozing unwarranted confidence bordering on arrogance.

Sheila: Is this guy deadset?

Bloke: I reckon he might be mate.

Sheila: I hate lairs mate. What a sh*t outfit.

Lair it up

To act in an arrogant, thoughtless and self-important manner.

Bloke 1: Yeah good on ya mate. Nice pink suit mate. Go on. Lair it up ya poofta. You’re not nearly good lookin’ enough to pull that off.

Lamington

A traditional (I mean is it? I think it is, but I’d be buggered if you can consider anything we do other than drink piss a cultural tradition) Australian cake made with an inner layer of sponge cake that is topped with chocolate sauce and shredded coconut. It’s good sh*t. Better than vegemite.

Bloke 1: Want a lamington?

Bloke 2: Nah.

Bloke 1: Yeah that adds up.

Bloke 2: How?

Bloke 1: Well the only people that don’t like lamo’s are deadset drongo c*nts, and you’re a drongo c*nt. So. Adds up.

Bloke 2: Yeah, fair enough. Makes sense.

Lappy

Short for laptop.

Bloke 1: Oi show us those huge jugs you were tellin’ us about

Bloke 2: Alright mate, I saved the website on me lappy, have a gander.

Bloke 1: Strewth mate!

Bloke 2: Oath. 2 Liter jugs of piss served right in our town mate. How good is that.

Larrikin

A well-natured youth who gets up to all sorts of mischief, causing laughter and hilarious pranks to follow him wherever he goes. See: Prank Patrol.

Laughing gear

Vital gear used for laughing—the mouth. Laughing out the nose is a dangerous affair and can result in spillage of beverages and bush oysters.

Person 1: How about ya use your laughing gear for good for once and order us a slab of VB instead of just talkin’ about how many billies you can rip in a row.

Person 2: Alright mate.

*to shopkeep*: I’ll grab a slab of VBs mate.

Shopkeep: No worries, that’ll be 40 bucks.

Person 2: 40 ay? Mate did you know I can rip 40 billies in one night without any breaks?

Lav or lavvy

The pisser, sh*tter. Toilet. Short for lavoratory.

Person 1, in public toilet: Oi, is this lav in use?

Person 2: Yes. Person 1: May I ask why?

Person 2: …

Person 1: Yeah, fair enough response I reckon.

Lay an egg

To completely and utterly fail at a task, particularly one that involves winning over a portion of people.

Bazza tried to gain the upper-hand in his class rep election by hosting a severely cooked pissup, however he laid an egg when his opponent in the election rocked up with 5 kegs of VB and a carton of Winnie Blues optimum crush compared to the measly, singular 6-pack of Great Northern provided by Bazz.

Leak

To take a piss.

Bargoer: Oi be back in a tick boys, gotta take a leak. 5 minutes later.

Bargoer: Oi be back in a sec boys, gotta take a leak.

Legend

A term used to describe top blokes and sheilas, usually after they do you a favor.

Similar to champ, but whereas calling someone a champ might get you belted, legend is unanimously accepted as being an endearing label.

Plumber: So I cleared the sh*t out of your loo mate. Wasn’t easy but a pommy shower should do the trick.

Bloke: Thanks legend.

Legless

Someone who is drunk to the point of no return. Refers to the fact that people in this state have as much bipedal co-ordination as slugs.

Bloke 1: AH! F*ck me dead! I can’t see me legs! They’re just gone! Crikey. Did youse take me legs? This isn’t a funny stitch-up guys. I’m deadset legless!

Sheila 1: You sure are ya nong.

Like a stunned mullet

Someone that, after being told or accused of something, doesn’t react, but just stares straight back at you looking like a complete moron. To be dazed, or stunned.

Bartender: What can I do for ya mate?

Random loser: Yeah, uh, what Melbourne-brewed IPAs do you have stocked in this establishment?

Bartender: I…P…A…?

Random loser: Indeed. An Indian Pale Ale, for the well-educated. May you offer me your finest?

Bartender: Indian… Pale? Oh. You mean, Victoria… Bitter?

Random loser: Look, friend. Please stop staring at me like a stunned mullet and find me the fruitiest, thirs-quenching IPA this ‘bar’, if you can even call it that, has in bottle, or perhaps on tap… though *scoffing* I doubt that.

Bartender: … VB?

Like a two-bob watch

A two-bob (2 cents) watch (those things you wear on your wrist that inform you of the time) is understood to be not only hideous, but also unable to keep time properly — so essentially it’s deadset useless. Something that is very poor, erratic or irritating.

Mother: Stop carrying on like a two-bob watch and finish ya damn veggies before I finish them for ya.

Father: Uh… isn’t that kinda what they want?

Lingo

Slang for slang. A twist on the word ‘language’.

Person 1: Oi, nah, yeah yeah yeah, nah, but bloke, nah, f*cken, ripsnorter of a lurk ay mate, this codger reckons he got some good sh*t but the longnecks were sh*thouse mate, so I got em and flicked em on and made a few buckaroos doing so.

American tourist: Is that… English? Please stop using Australian lingo, I don’t understand it.

Lippy

Short for lipstick. Also someone who likes to talk back.

Teacher: Yeah, so if you take the denominator away you’ll see the answer should become clear.

Student: I’ll take your denominator away.

Teacher: You a bit lippy today mate? Wanna see how lippy you are when I belt ya one on the noggin?

Liquid laugh

To chunder. Throw up. Release the kraken. Vomit.

Bloke 1: Oi tell us that story about how youse blokes got in the doghouse again. That’s a ripsnorter of a yarn.

Bloke 2: Nah, yeah no dramas mate. Just gotta chuck a liquid laugh real quick. Alright, so anyways, me and Dazza were at the zoo and we saw these monkeys and thought, ‘here’s a concept’. What if we gave em pingers? Anyway one thing led to another and the monkeys were dancin’ to some AC/DC and Dazza and me were f*cken waving our shirts above our head like yobbos and the coppers came and said ‘look blokes, classic stitch-up you got going on here but you can’t be going around public places in the nuddy’ so they took us away.

Liquid lunch

When one substitutes a meal (often lunch, as the phrase suggests) for piss. Often follows, and is followed by, hard yakka.

Dave: What’s for lunch champ?

Brad: Got a few sangas mate, nothin special. Yaself?

Dave: Thought I’d treat meself with a liquid lunch today mate. Got a 6pack from the bottle o on the way here.

Lob in

The infamous ‘drop in’. To turn up to see someone uninvited for a quick and meaningless chit-chat.

Bloke 1: Mate I can’t come over, me relos just lobbed in and are having a good ol’ chinwag.

Lollies

Candy. Jawbreakers, redskins, gummy bears. Found at milk bars and Woolies all throughout Australia.

Child: Can I have some lollies please mummy?

Mother: Only if you finishy your stubby darl.

London to a brick

This phrase hails from the 1940s, where it was suggested a punter was so certain his bet would prevail, he’d offer the entirety of London to win a single brick. It means to be absolutely certain.

Person 1: You reckon you can make that jump mate? Looks pretty big.

Person 2: Nah, yeah mate no dramas. London to a brick.

Person 1: Alright mate but if you stack it, I’m gonna have a serious laugh.

Long black

A form of espresso coffee that involves pouring hot water into a glass, followed by two shots of coffee. Has a much stronger, bitterer taste than milk-based espresso drinks like a Flat White.

This is the closest thing to American drip coffee you can find in Australia.

Hipster sipping coffee: I just think that if you’re not drinking a Long Black and you’re drinking a latte you’re not really drinking coffee at all. You’re just drinking flavoured milk.
Hipster 2: So true dude. So true.

Long paddock

This term refers to the expansive areas of grass alongside public roads that would house grazing livestock.

Bloke: I’m gonna take me feral to the long paddock over there and do a few burnouts. See how nasty me ute can get with only grass and a few cows about.

Longneck

VB longneck mate. 750ml bottle of beer. A beverage fit for kings.

Loo

The place we do not speak of. The toilet. Sh*tter.

Mate: Where’s the closest loo? I’m 12 frothies deep mate it’s getting too close for comfort.

Mate 2: Mate we’re in the GAFA. Just go behind a bush.

Mate: F*ck that cobber. There’s bloody snakes and spiders everywhere ay? I’d rather piss meself.

Mate 2: You got a few kangaroos loose in the top paddock don’t ya mate. That’s fair dinkum how ya goin.

Lousy

sh*t. I could elaborate, but I feel like ‘sh*t’ encapsulates this word near perfectly. In any situation where you might use this slang, ‘sh*t’ would work just as well.

Bloke: These beers are bloody lousy mate. Can’t believe seppo’s reckon we actually drink Fosters. Utter bulldust

Lurk

A syndicate, gang or other underground organisation/business that performs illegal activities. Refers to the fact that the people involved often lurk around alleys and the back of shady pubs.

Bloke 1: Ay mate ya seen the latest Underbelly on channel seven last night?

Bloke 2: Yeah, nah mate, was out at the boozer with me sheila.

Bloke 1: It was a sick episode mate. Those gangsters had a serious lurk garn’ on.

M

Maccas

Slang term for McDonalds.

Frequently used, to the point that a yougun might be confused if you said you were going to McDonalds instead of Maccas.

Boyfriend: Oi, wanna go for a cheeky run to Maccas?

Girlfriend: Do they still have the 10 buck chicken nuggets.

Boyfriend: Bloody oath they do.

Girlfriend: You beauty.  

Mad as a cut snake

If you were to cut a snake in half, that bloke is gonna be pretty pissed off. Extremely, irreversibly mad/angry.

Sheila 1: I’m fuming mate. Bazza reckons I’ve been on the piss too much so he went and chucked me last slab of Coopers for the garbo to grab.

Sheila 2: If I were you mate I’d be as mad as a cut snake about that.

Sheila 1: I am mate. I’m absolutely ropeable.

Magpie

A common bird found in much of Australia. They are related to crows and ravens and are known for their beautiful song that typifies Aussie mornings. Though revered for much of the year, Magpie’s become public enemy number one during the swooping season in Spring, where they attack passers-by while defending their nests. 

Bloke 1: F*ck mate! Look out above!

Bloke 2: Why mate? You ain’t stitching me up are ya?

Bloke 1: Nah I’m fair dinkum mate! There’s a f*cken magpie comin’ right for ya mate!

Bloke 2: *drops to ground*

Bloke 1: Haha nah I’m just havin’ a lend of ya mate. No magpies swoopin in f*ckin January ya drongo.

Make a blue

To screw up, to make a mistake.

Bloke, after dropping life savings on the pokies: Yeah I reckon I made a blue with that one.

Make a botch of

To really screw something up — particularly a plan or set of instructions.

Chef: Were my instructions clear as mud? You’ve made a botch of that pavlova mate. It looks like something I’d leave in my mate’s toilet to stitch him up!

Make a quid

To earn money, typically used in the context of earning enough to get by and support a family.

Bloke: Yeah mate sometimes it feels like I’m a battler but selling open packs of winnie blue ciggies to stranded blokes in Centralia is enough for me to make a quid.

Make waves

To create hysteria, fanfare or become prominent and noticable within a particular industry or event. Can be both positive and negative in its connotation.

Teen 1: This new Aussie band are fully sick mate. I reckon soon enough they’re gonna make BIG waves in the scene.

Teen 2: Ah yeah? What’s their name?

Teen 1: Cold Chisel mate!

Teen2: You’re a dropkick.

Malarky

Inflated, meaningless or spurious talk that beats around the bush and intends to serve no purpose other than to misguide the recipient or bignote oneself.

George: They don’t call me 10-inch Georgefor no reason.

Bec: Mate, I’m sick of your bloody malarky. Nobody in their right mind has ever called ya that, and nobody ever will, ya deadset drongo.

Manchester

Not the English town. Manchester is used to refer to bedsheets and other forms of household linen.

Mappa Tassie

An extremely Aussie way of saying ‘map of Tasmania’, referring to a woman’s pubic hair due to the similarity in shape.

Bloke 1: Oi so I was on a date with this beauty of a sheila from Tinder and she full on showed me her Mappa Tassie.

Bloke 2: F*ck me dead mate. That’s fully sick.

Bloke 1: It was wild mate. I swear I could even make out Hobart.

Mate

Primarily a friend, buddy, acquaintance. But it can also mean a co-worker, complete stranger, or really anybody who exists

Australia is a very friendly society, and the term is so widely used throughout Australian society that ‘mateship’ has become synonymous with what it means to be Australian.

It’s the quintessential Australian term, used by everyone. Old people say it, young people say it. Bankers say it, tradies say it. It usually refers to men, but can just as easily apply to women. It nearly always has a positive connotation, but not 100% of the time.

The closest approximation is probably ‘dude’, although you would never call someone you’re angry with ‘dude’, while yes, in Australia you could certainly feel comfortable even calling a bad person ‘mate.’

G’day mate. Whaddya say we toss those tinnies in the esky?

Yeah she and I used to be mates until she went to uni and became mad as a cut snake.

I’m telling you mate, get the hell away from me before I call 000!

Mate’s rate

A discounted rate given to a friend or acquaintance for performing a service.

Bloke 1: My water heater is buggered. You know any tradies who can fix it?
Bloke 2: Yeah my mate Harold can probably hook you up.

Matilda

Referring to the ubiquitous Aussie folk song ‘Waltzing Matilda’ this term is slang for a sleeping bag/swag. This is due to the swagman referring to his swag—which held his possessions as well as gave him a place to sleep—as ‘Matilda’ in the lyrics.

Person 1: Ya got ya matilda for the Outback mate? Gonna get bloody cold at night.

Person 2: No dramas mate, bought two matildas just in case.

MCG

The self-proclaimed home of sport, the Melbourne Cricket Ground hosts the AFL grand final, the boxing day test among other sporting events throughout the year.

Person 1: You headed to watch the Aussies take on the sheepshaggers next week?

Person 2: Yeah I reckon mate, it’s at the MCG. No better place to be on boxing day.

Meat pie

A pie that fits into the palm of your hand, generally filled with mince meat, gravy and topped off with a dead horse.

Sportsfan: Nothin’ like a day at the footy, with some sh*thouse mid-strength Carlton Draught in one hand and a ripper 4 and 20 meat pie in the other.

Melbourne Cup

The race that stops a nation— except the betting outlets. The first Tuesday of November is a traditional public holiday as the public settles in for a day of horse racing, climaxing in the Melbourne Cup, Australia’s most famed racing event.

Bloke 1: Who ya got for the Melbourne cup mate?

Bloke 2: I reckon Black Caviar is a chance mate. A good bloody chance.

Bloke 1: Yeah, nah mate, she’s been retired for yonks.

Metho

Short for methylated spirits. More recently has become a slang term for those who are high on methamphetamine or display traits befitting of an addict—nervous behaviour, twitching, decrepit living arrangement etc.

Person 1: Can you stop going off about the weather mate? We know it’s hot. All this twitchen’ is makin’ you look like a bloody metho.

Person 2: That’s because I am a metho.

Person 1: I know mate, but that doesn’t mean you have to act like one. Don’t need to pazz out mate. The government doesn’t control the weather.

Person 2: F*cken, how do you know that mate? You work for em mate? They give ya the good oil?

Mexican

A term to describe someone who lives below the border of Queensland or New South Wales (particularly those living in Victoria). Refers to the geographical location of Mexico below America and the number of Mexican immigrants that live there.

Person 1: Mate you’re telling me you live in Echuca? What you doin north of the border. Looking to make a quid?

Person 2: Nah, yeah mate f*cken do a bit of hard yakka, drink a few frothies, should be a ripper of a time up here.

Person 1: Yeah mate. Always got time to show a Mexican like you the ropes mate.

Person 2: Cheers bloke. You’re a true blue Aussie.

Mickey Mouse

Fantastic, wonderful, superb. Of course, as Australian slang loves to not be confusing and make lots of sense, this term can also mean over-the-top and childish.

Mate 1: Oi, youse blokes built this cubby house? It’s f*cken Mickey Mouse lads!

Mate 2: Why you talkin’ sh*t for mate? I reckon it’s pretty sick.

Middy

Slang term for mid-strength beer. Also refers to a pot (285mL) of beer in South Australia.

Bloke 1: Yeah mate I’ll grab a middy. Cheers legend.

Milk Bar

A corner shop, sometimes attached to a service station. Present all throughout suburban and rural Australia. Sells milk, cigarettes, snacks, drinks and other essentials.

Sheila: Oi mate I’m off to the Milk bar to pick up some winnie blues.

Bloke: Oi grab us a pack too would ya?

Sheila: Nah, yeah alright.

Milko

Short for milkman. Though a somewhat redundant term now, milkmen delivered milk to people’s doors, schools and workplaces in the early to mid 20^th century.

*doorbell rings*

Child: Mum, I think the milko’s here!

Mother: Yeah, nah ya mongrel it’s the postie. When was the last time a milko came around here? Use ya f*ckin’ brain mate for f*cks sakes.

Milo

A delicious malt chocolate beverage that when drunk transforms you from an average bloke into the king of sports, or so the ads would have you believe.

Bloke: I tell ya boys, I’m normally a D-grade footy player. I’m fair dinkum sh*thouse. But one scoop of Milo and I racked em up. 30 possies, no clangers, three goals. I played a belter of a game.

Bloke 2: Did you put cocaine in your Milo again? You gotta cut that sh*t out mate, it’s not on.

Mob

A gathering or people, objects or perhaps most commonly, kangaroos.

Person 1: Oi mate suss out that mob of roos over there mate. They look like they’re a f*ckin’ lurk or some sh*t.

Person 2: What ya reckon they’re doin mate?

Person 1: Dunno mate, crimes of some sorts. We should probably call the coppers.

Mongrel

Someone who displays traits of a savage, untamed dog. Wild, unfriendly, an all-round sh*t bloke.

Man 1: Mate f*cken, youse c*nts are gonna get a f*cken beating. F*cken champ come here mate. See who’s built like a brick sh*thouse when I smash your face in.

Man 2: Mate don’t act like a mongrel.

Man 1: Yeah sorry I made a blue mate. Just on edge cos me local boozer is out of VB.

Man 2: Yeah, nah fair enough mate.  

Monkey suit

Slang for a tuxedo, suit or any uniform worn daily. (not a literally monkey suit like those blokes were wearing in The Bad Touch)

Wife: You scrub up real nice when ya check on ya monkey suit mate. Certainly a damn sight better than Bazza. I never seen that bloke in somethin other than a dirty white wifebeater and thongs.

Moo juice

Full cream milk. Not often used, but when employed in the right context this phrase is a real pisser.

Sheila 1: c*nts check this out. *to store attendant* Can I please get some moo juice? *starts laughing uncontrollably*

Store attendant: Yeah, nah we’re out of stock on that. If you need an alternative, may I suggest going and f*cking yourself?

Mozzie

A mosquito.

Those annoying, noisy flying buggers that suck your blood and leave an itchy hive as a thanks for letting them vampire you. In some parts of Australia it might as well be considered the official state bird.

Girl 1: This mozzie bite is so itchy.
Girl 2: Crikey! Stop scratching it, you’re bleeding.
Girl 1: It feels. So. GOOD.

Muddy

Short for mud crab. A species of crab found in Australia renowned for their large claws, useful for separating prying fingers from their dim-witted owners.

Mate: F*ck me dead mate check out the size of that muddy’s claws! That things built like a brick sh*thouse mate.

Muff driver

A heroic individual who risks their own safety to perform the unenviable task of diving through the murky seas just to find the light. To perform cunninglingus on somebody who isn’t particularly interested in shaving their pubic hair.

Bloke, pretending to use walkie talkie while in bed with girl: *TSHHSHSH* Hello? Private Bazza? Yeah c*nt I’m just entering the caves. Will report back once I’ve waded through the Outback bushland. Lieutenant Muff Diver out.

Girl in bed: yeah, nah. You’re a deadset fruit loop. I’m garn head out.

Muffin Top

Unlike the associated food, this Aussie slang term refers to an unsavoury, unfortunately visible roll of fat above the waistline of tight-fitting trousers that, as the name suggests, resembles a muffin top.

The term originated on the Aussie TV show Kath & Kim, which ran from 2002 – 2007. An American version of the show ran for one season in 2008 before getting cancelled.

Girl 1: Put it back where it came from mate, your muffin top is on display.
Girl 2: Mmmm. Muffin tops.

Mug

A hilarious term used ribbingly among friends as a light-hearted insult. Means the recipient is stupid, foolish or exceptionally easy to prank. Mugs are also a very useful vessels of caffeine, but you already knew that.

Friend 1: Mate I got ya some winnie blues. You got a few bucks to pay us back?

Friend 2: Nah mate, you owe me for the pingers we scoffed last weekend.

Friend 1: Don’t be a stingy c*nt mate I paid for them too.

Friend 2: Yeah, nah, you didn’t ya f*cken mug.

Mull

Bud. Choof. Mary jane. The Devil’s Lettuce. This slang term for marijuana came about due to a high-potency NSW strain named the Muillumbimby Madness. It was reportedly named as so because one toke would send you insane. A must try… Theoretically of course. Buzz off coppers. 

Stoner 1: Bro.

Stoner 2: Bro.

Stoner 1: That’s cooked mate.

Stoner 2: Yeah, nah, that’s cooked as.

Stoner 1: Bro imagine if dogs could talk too.

Stoner 2: Yeah, nah. That’s way too cooked. Don’t make me think of that sh*t bro.

Stoner 1: Bro think about it.

Stoner 2: Nah bro.

Stoner 1: Bro?

Stoner 2: Yeah bro?

Stoner 1: This mull is f*cked.

Stoner 2: F*ckin’ hell bro. I’m off my face.

Stoner 1: Oath bro.

Muster

The act of herding livestock, this term’s meaning is based on its original usage in the 18^th century where Brits would round up (muster) a group of Aussie convicts.

Farmer 2: Wanna grab a coldie mate? Had enough of this hard yakka.

Farmer 1: Nah, yeah mate lemme muster up me sheep and we’ll get our drink on.

Mutton dressed as a lamb

A derogatory phrase that refers to an older woman dressed provocatively or in clothes aimed towards younger women.

Sheila 1: Mate is this a stitch-up? We’re just going to grab a counter lunch, not a f*cken B and S.

Sheila 2: Whaddya talkin about mate?

Sheila 1: That outfit? You look like mutton dressed as a lamb. Not the goods mate. Not. The. Goods.

Mystery Bag

Slang term for a sausage because nobody knows what is actually inside that sweet, delicious cylinder of meat sold outside Bunnings stores.

Bloke 1: You off to grab some tools from Bunnings mate?

Tradie: Yeah mate need to pick up a new angle grinder.

Bloke 1: Ya reckon ya can grab me a f*cken mystery bag or some sh*t mate?

Tradie: Nah, yeah no wukkas mate.

N

Nah yeah

This simply means ‘yes.’

The inverse of the more popular yeah nah, this phrase lets you ignore someone’s advice, warning or opinion while appearing to consider it.

There’s a lot of confusion with the ‘yeah, nah, yeah’ vernacular. The key to figuring out if they are trying to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ is to simply focus on the last word.

‘Yeah, nah’ = No
‘Nah, yeah’ = Yes

Person 1: I really think you’re wrong about that. Eating a month-old snag won’t give you superpowers other than a long trip to the bog.
Person 2: Nah yeah mate, it does.

Nasho

Abbreviation of National Service, the military service that was once compulsory for Aussies.

Teen: Yeah me oldies reckon I need to do a run in the nasho cos I’m, I dunno, misbehaving or some sh*t. I’m just a light-hearted larrikin mate I dunno what their problem is.

NBG

Acronym for ‘No Bloody Good’. When something is deadset f*ckin’ sh*t.

Person: This snag is (spits) NBG. Deadset NBG. Last time I grab one of these from somewhere other than Bunnings I tell youse what.

Nellie

A derogatory term for a man that portrays stereotypical flamboyant tendencies, or is particularly effeminate.

Bloke 1: Sorry mate but yeah, nah, you look like a deadset nellie wearin’ that Guy Sebastian shirt. Swap it for a Shannon Noll one or else blokes are gonna bash ya randomly on the street. That shirt is like a ‘hit me on sight’ sign?

Never Never

The place of never. Never-been, never-going to. The GAFA. The Australian outback.

Bloke 1: You ever been lost in the Never Never mate?

Bloke 2: Yeah, nah mate can’t say I have.

Bloke 1, revealing scar: Yeah mate. See that ya don’t.

Nick

Nick is a slang term with multiple varied meanings. It can either mean the condition of something (good and bad), or to steal something.

Sheila 1: Ran round to woolies and nicked a couple of Freddo Frogs for the piss-up tonight, but the coppers saw me so I had to hoof it. Reckon I’m alright but, probs no security cams in the supermarket yeah?*Sirens wail* Ah bugger me dead.

Nick off

A less offensive way of saying f*ck off. Use ‘c*nt’ after it to really demonstrate how inoffensive you’re trying to be.

Bloke to child: Oi nick off c*nt.

Child’s mother: Thank you for being so respectful of your language around my young one.

Nipper

A program aimed at young people living on the coast and training them to become surf lifesavers. Essentially junior lifesavers, though they don’t generally patrol the shorelines and instead learn about the ocean and surfing dangers.

Beachgoer 1: G’day mate, what ya up to here? Youse are a bit young to be lifesavers don’t ya reckon?

Teen: Nah mate, we’re nippers! We’re just learning how to rescue dipsh*ts that go surfing on boogie boards outside of the flags and things like that! We don’t actually do it.

Beachgoer 1, pulling out boogie board: Fair enough mate. Enjoy.

No dramas

A personable phrase meaning ‘it’s ok.’ Very similar to the more popular, No worries.

A casual way of suggesting something that might normally have dramas attached will go ahead without any such dramas.

Man: You mind clearing the huntsmen from out of me ute? There’s a fair few of ’em lurking in there.
Girl: No dramas, I’ll sort em out in a jiffy.

Not here to fuck spiders

And thank f*ck for that. This phrase is used to strongly suggest the task that is being set out to do will not be impeded by any tomfoolery with the plethora of creepy-crawleys that reside in Australia. Here to get the job done and not muck about.

Girl 1, whispering: Yeah so I dunno. I reckon I might give Head and Shoulders the arse. Me hair’s gettin all greasy like a fish and chip shop, ya know? Can you recommend me any good shampoos?

Girl 2, putting down pencil: Jen? Mate? Shut the f*ck up. I’m not here to f*ck spiders, I’m here to pass me f*cken VCE exam, go home, put on me bathers and skull 5 litres of goon. I am just not interested in anything you have to say.

No worries

A method of forgiving or acceptance that hides anger or disappointment under a veil of easygoingness. Very similar to the less popular phrase, No dramas.

Also means: All good, sure, no problems.

In recent years this phrase has become very popular throughout America.

Bloke 1: Sorry lad but I just accidentally slept with your missus.
Bloke 2: No worries mate, I just rooted your mum!

No wukkas

The truly relaxed Aussie way of saying no worries. If somebody says this to you, rest assured they have no problems with whatever foolish behaviour you are up to.

Person 1: Oi mate I f*cked up. I got two slabs of VB for Bazza’s piss-up but can’t hide them so I’ve been drinking em with the flies. I have to finish em all or else I’ll be sprung by me oldies.

Person 2: No wukkas mate. I’ll scoot right over and we can start skulling.

No-hopper

Somebody who is poor at nearly everything they attempt. Unsuccessful, dim-witted. A failure in every respect.

Person 1: C*nt you are a deadset, no-good, dole bludging, sh*t house f*cking no-hoper.

Noah’s ark/Noah

Another fantastic rhyming slang, this time for those ferocious fish that lurk deep in the water. Sharks. In reality they’re not that ferocious or terrifying, they just have big teeth.

Bloke 1: You see a couple of more blokes have carked it cos of the Noah’s lurkin in WA? F*cken gotta put em all down I reckon?

Bloke 2: You’re a mug mate. It’s their f*cken ocean, we’re in their territory.

Bloke 1: Oi get stuffed greenie. If they got a problem with it their blokes and sheilas can make a f*cken parliament or some sh*t and pass some legislation against it.

Bloke 2: You’re a fair dinkum fruit loop.

Noggin

Slang term for head.

Oi, watch your noggin on the ute roof mate.

Nong

Derogatory term aimed at someone who is stupid or performs numerous foolish acts.

Person 1: Yeah, nah, I don’t reckon.

Person 2: Why not ya wanker.

Person 1: Just don’t feel like it mate.

Person 2: Don’t be a dickhead mate, just do it. It’ll give ya a ripper breeze.

Person 1: Mate the old feller ain’t gonna see the light of day. It’s that simple.

Person 2: F*ck ya then ya nong. I’ll do it.

Person 1: You’ve got your doodle hangen’ out your trackies cos you reckon you’re gonna go infertile in hot weather, and I’m the nong.

Not my bowl of rice

This phrase essentially means ‘not my cup of tea’. Open to accepting that other people may like something, but you do not.

Bloke 1: Oi mate, how bout we grab some pizza and sink some piss watching the footy?

Bloke 2: Yeah, nah mate. Pizza isn’t my bowl of rice.

Not the full quid

Originally a British phrase, this has been adopted by Aussies around the time Australia stopped adopting English currency. Means to be a bit slow, not completely stable in the brains department.

Sheila 1: I asked for a latte but they put it in a clear glass! I’m gobsmacked mate. Can’t believe I don’t get a mug like everyone else does. This is discrominashen.

Sheila 2: You’re not the full quid, are ya mate. Ya try hard, but you’re a deadset dumbc*nt.

Nuddy

To be nude. Without clothes. Naked. In your birthday suit.

Bloke 1: Wanna do a nuddy run?

Bloke 2: What’s in it for me?

Bloke 1: Some tinnies mate.

Bloke 2, undressing: Sorry mate didn’t catch that. What’d ya say?

Nudge the turps

To ever so gently and moderately drink alcohol, and then to do so again, and again and perhaps just once more.

Stoner 1: Oi Billy mate ya wanna nudge the turps tonight champ? Billy: *silent*

Stoner 2: Billy ain’t a real person mate, he’s a bong. The mull’s pretty hectic but I reckon you’re being a bit of a dickhead

Nut out

To sort out an issue or agreement, particularly among multiple business parties.

Sheila 1: Alright let’s nut this out, I gotta get to the pub to sink some piss.

Sheila 2: Same.

Sheila 1: So you reckon if I kick in a few hundred you can hook us up?

Sheila 2: No dramas on that front mate. We’ll get the tap of VB running straight through your sink.

Sheila 1: Oath. Thanks legend.

Sheila 2: Nah, yeah, like I said, no dramas. Enjoy your piss.

O

O.S

Overseas

Person 1: yeah mate I’m headed O.S. again. After me first trip O.S. I just feel, I dunno, so cultured. So different. I’ve grown a lot as a human.

Person 2: That’s sick mate. Where’d ya shoot off to?

Person 1: Bali mate.

Ocker

This derogatory term essentially means the same thing as bogan with a less encompassing definition. An ocker is usually working-class, employs curses in every sentence and speaks in a sprawling Aussie accent. Bit rough around the edges. Straya mate.

Deadbeat 1: Yeah, nah, f*cken, this and that mate, f*cken, not a whole f*cken lot much ay c*nt? Just f*cken, been cruising around, doin’ f*ck all, been bored sh*tless so f*cken, shootin up some f*cken, tin VB cans and sh*t man, f*cken, ya know mate?

Bloke 1: Try not talking like an ocker and we’ll give this another go, yeah mate? How’s your son?

Off like a bucket of prawns in the hot sun

That’s right, we call them prawns, not shrimp, ya f*cking derro’s. This phrase can be substituted for any situation requiring off — that is to leave fast as f*ck, or when something smells and looks a bit how ya goin’.

Bloke: I reckon it was garn alright but then the pissup took a turn for the worse. They turned off the Accadaca and Midnight Oil and the dumbc*nts chucked on some Guy Sebastian. As soon as I heard his voice I was off like a bucket of prawns in the hot sun.

Off the beaten track

To venture to a place that is not well-known, or to do something out of one’s comfort zone.

Husband: I dunno darl, I’m getting pretty freaked out. There could be dingoes and sh*t! We’re pretty far off the beaten track right now!

Wife: We’re in Echuca…

Off your face

Drunk to the point of no return. Blackout drunk, wasted, hammered.

Person 1: You were so off your face you started crying and admitting you secretly liked Coldplay!

Person 2: F*ck me dead.

Off your head

To be completely and absolutely f*cked. Usually applies to heavy alcohol consumption, but can also be due to drugs.

Girl 1: I’VE BEEN THINKING AND F*CK ME DEAD I WANT TO PASH BAZZA. Another wine please. YEAH SO DID I TELL YOU WHAT I THOUGHT OF? I WANT TO PASH BARRY. HE’S SUCH A DAG.

Girl 2: Relax mate you’re off your head. Bazza has a girlfriend, you can’t root him.

Girl 1: EXACTLY. THAT’S WHY I WANT TO.

Girl 2: Alright we better shoot out of here before you start causing a scene. No, stop crying. I’m sorry. I’m sure Bazza will pash you.

Offsider

This term is used to describe someone who is tasked with helping a superior, usually in a work-related occupation. An assistant.

Bloke 1: Your offsider is pretty good looking mate, is he single?

Bloke 2: You tellin’ me you’re a poofta mate?

Bloke 1: Yeah? I told you yonks ago mate.

Bloke 2: Oh, f*ck me dead I forgot mate. Yeah he’s single mate have a crack onto him.

Bloke 1: Cheers legend.

Bloke 2: Yeah f*ckin, all good mate.

Oi

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE. Honestly, I’m not too sure what it means. It’s kind of a greeting, but it’s also kind of not. Just use it whenever you feel like it, ya can’t go wrong.

Aussie bloke: Yeah, nah oi but fair dinkum mate that’s deadset the most legit hard yakka I ever seen. Quite literally everyone else: Excuse me?

Ol’ cheese

Slang term for mother.

Nah I can’t come to the B&S mate, me ol’ cheese reckons I’m becoming a dero with all the piss I’m sinking.

Ol’ man

Slang term for father.

Yeah, nah, won’t make it to the beano mate. Me Ol’ man reckons I’m getting fat as with all the feasts I been chucking into me gob.

Old fella

Every man’s best mate. The bloke downstairs. The schlong. The penis.

Bloke 1: Ya gotta clean ya old fella mate. If ya don’t the f*cker will fall off. Fair dinkum mate.

Bloke 2: You being fair dinkum mate?

Bloke 1: Yeah, nah, nah, yeah mate, happened to Bazza.

Oldies/Olds

Slang term for parents.

Bloke 1: I got me olds coming over tonight but that’s alright yeah? We can still chuck a sneaky root in the bathroom while they’re asleep.

On a good lurk

To catch onto something positive, on a good chain of events.

POKIES LIGHT UP, START FLASHING

Person 1: Crikey! I’m on a good lurk here, f*ckin’ hell!

On ya mate

An often sarcastic exclamation when somebody completely f*cks something up. Short for good on ya mate, but generally implies the opposite.

Driver: Yeah on ya mate, excellent use of ya indicator! f*ckwit.

Op shop

Opportunity shop. A store that sells recycled goods cheaply and to disadvantaged Aussies. Proceeds are often sent to charity.

Sheila 1: Oi let’s head down to the local op shop and pick up some fully sick shoes mate.

Sheila 2: Yeah mate, saw some f*ckin sandshoes in there for 5 bucks mate. Deadset bargain.

Sheila 1: Oath mate.

Open slather

An event, situation or opportunity where anything goes. A free-for-all.

Sheila 1: You heard about the new restaurant opening up in Wagga mate? It’s a f*cken all-you-can-eat.

Sheila 2: It’s open slather. That can get nasty mate. That might get a little bit nasty.

Open your lunch

To release the gaseous remnants of your meal through one of two gas-expelling orifices, particularly the rear one. To fart.

Bloke 1: Eggs for lunch mate. Just warnin’ ya, this trip to the outback could get a little bit stinky.

Bloke 2: Yeah, nah mate, if you open your lunch in this ute I’m f*cking driven’ straight back to Sydney and dumping you off the Coathanger.

Outback

Everywhere in Australia that isn’t the city, suburbs or the bush. Mostly remote desert, arid land located in Central Australia.

Man 1: I hope we get reception in the Outback, I really gotta check the footy scores.
Man 2: Reception!? Mate you’re gonna be counting your lucky stars if we find water.

Out of whack

Out of line. Something, particularly drunk behaviour, that is unacceptable.

Shane: Yeah, nah. This country is out of whack. I furphy ya not, I went to take a sh*t yesterday in me dunny and a 6-foot creepy crawley jumped at me from inside the bog. Deadset cooked mate. It’s not on.

Ow-ya-goin?

HOW YA GARN??? Asking someone how they are going with a particularly emphasised Strine drawl.

Bruce: Yeah, nah, f*cken, garn pub a bit later ay mate? This is who? What’s ya name feller? Yeah, righto chief, me name’s Bruce. Ow-ya-goin? Good? Yeah oath mate. Bloody frothin some piss, oi mate.

Oz

AUSTRALIA MATE.

Bloke 1: The land of Oz mate. The bloody land of Oz. What a f*cken ripper of a nation this is mate.

Bloke 2: Oath mate. You’re a bloody legend mate.

Bloke 1: Cheers legend.

P

Paddock