Your Unexpected Visitor - Backpacker's Horror Story
I was in Vietnam. Like any other tourist, I had been delving into the local cuisine and drinking until my heart was content.
It was early in the morning, I was travelling on a bus full of 50 other backpackers all heading towards Halong Bay to party. Half way between Hanoi and the dock we were heading to, my stomach suddenly feeling not so well.
This was it; this was my body reminding me, I hadn't been for a shit in two days. I tried as long as I could to hold it in, but my body didn't agree. It demanded I go NOW! I went to the front of the bus to explain my situation to the tour leader. She kindly asked the bus driver to pull over in the middle of nowhere so that I could go elevate my bowls.
As I jumped out of the bus, I was one metre away from being run over by a trail of five scooters. I tell you, it nearly all came out there and then. To my luck, there was a building complex in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. I run over to it, stormed into the first door I see to find two very startled Vietnamese ladies (bear in mind I'm white and there was no other tourist to be seen for miles) dressed very formally sitting opposite each other in front of a desk, clearly having some sort of business meeting.
I tried to ask for the toilet in my very poor Vietnamese, but the message did not deliver. My next gesture was to hold my hands in front my trousers and swing my hips from side to side like I was spraying my pee. Again, no response.
My last try at charades was to squat down in front of these two ladies to indicate I was using one of their squat toilets. One of them pointed me in the right direction and I made it just in time. That day was not the day that my excrement was to touch cloth!
--Mike, Vietnam 2015
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