By Mary Charie / 02/08/2016

When Anxiety Eats Me, Please Bear With Me

I’m writing this for a very important person in my life. I want you to know that you are not alone, you are not the only one who is experiencing this. Because I did too, and still going through it. When anxiety eats you, I’ll bear with you.


The moment when my mind starts to sew my thoughts from one thought to another and lead to another and another until I realised that it has been an hour that I was staring into thin air.

That exact moment that everyone around me wants to help me. Wants to talk to me, but I know to myself that nothing could actually make me feel better. I  already know what they’ll say. Those good things that supposed to make me feel better, there is nothing wrong with that of course. Some people actually need it. But not me, unfortunately, not this time.

I hope that those words can make me feel better, I want to be better, to be happier. Like what how you want me to be. It’s not that easy, I also hope it could be that easy. I don’t want people I love to be worried.

Trying to see the bright side of things I have, has been my everyday mantra. Counting my blessings, loving people around me, basic needs that provide my everyday necessities, I do see that. I do appreciate that. But, God, I don’t know. I don’t know why I am feeling like this, I hope I know.

Sometimes, I’m getting tired of talking to people, because, it is, indeed not helpful anymore, at least in my dark and unclear view. I know I’m pushing people aside without actually realising it until it’s late.

When Anxiety Eats Me

You see, this anxiety is eating me. I do not wish to be a burden to you neither to anyone, I hope I could find an escape or that little door that could take me back to the days I was feeling better. I want to be myself again, I miss myself, the bubbly version of me.

This darkness is eating, it’s sucking my life away. When I close my eyes, I just want to cry my heart out. Some days, I can’t even cry anymore. I don’t feel anything anymore. I’m tired of thinking about it, I’m tired of making out any solutions to make my situation better and my feeling lighter. My brain is tired and exhausted.

Every time I see that little light up the corner, I can feel the anxiety behind me, catching up with me. It’s too heavy for me to carry it all, it’s tiring for me to take it all. It makes me weak, alone, depressed.

I know, I can fight this. I’m not sure how, how long it will take or when I will win over it. But I am willing to try and do my best. I wouldn’t let it take my beautiful life away from me that I should be enjoying.

I wouldn’t let it snatch the time I should be enjoying with my family and friends. No chance in the world, I will give up and let it win over me. I know I am not born to just give up and let it take over the life I am supposed to design myself.

Thank you for being there, for the patients. I really appreciate it. You are great. I know I can cope with my depression and pick myself up again.

This anxiety is eating me, but I’m trying to fight it, I’m trying my best to make things work. You see, it’s not easy. So please, bear with me. Be there, be stronger than me. I need it right now.

 

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When anxiety eats me, please bear with me

 

About the author

Mary Charie

She's the person behind this blog, she has been travelling since 2013. Torn between her itchy feet and writing, Mary found herself soaking up in the world of travel blogging. She travels on her own terms and tries to build her own world whilst pushing herself into every corner of life, breaking limit beyond her capabilities.

14comments
Christina - 08/08/2016

This is a powerful piece. It is great that you have an outlet to be able to express your thoughts and share your feelings. This way others who are going through the same thing will know that they are not alone.

Reply
    Mary Charie - 11/08/2016

    Thank you Christina. I really hope this article will not just appear as an ordinary post. As I do want anyone who are going through the same situation as me to feel that they are not alone, at all.

    Reply
Vyjay - 07/08/2016

I think everyone does go through these phases, however the intensity and duration may differ. I do feel in such situations the best of words and intentions are inadequate and probably time is the best healer.

Reply
    Mary Charie - 08/08/2016

    Indeed Vyjay, though time can take time, that’s one of the few things we got

    Reply
Valerie Perry - 05/08/2016

My dad once told me, “You miss out on a lot of life when you’re sad.” And he was so right – it’s easy to slip into a cocoon of sadness, loneliness, or anxiety and focus all of our energy on that. But there’s a beautiful life happening all around if we choose it. Sometimes it’s not that simple. But sometimes it is.

Reply
    Mary Charie - 08/08/2016

    That’s so true Valerie, there are tons of things you can enjoy around you. Though it’s not always as simple as that, you have to remind yourself about your worth and the life you got.

    Reply
Erin - 05/08/2016

How brave of you to put it all out there. It’s incredibly admirable! I am sure so many people can relate to how you are feeling – and this is the best gift you can give them. But all I can do is send my very positive thoughts to both you and your friend 🙂 Everything will work out in the end – I know it!

Reply
    Mary Charie - 08/08/2016

    Thank you so much, Erin! I believe so too, everything will work out in the end. It always does <3

    Reply
Doreen Pendgracs - 04/08/2016

It saddens me to read of such despair. I wish I knew what more I can say, but my positive thoughts are with you and your friend.

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    Mary Charie - 08/08/2016

    Thank you Doreen, highly appreciated <3

    Reply
Maria - 03/08/2016

This is a very brave post and it spoke to me. I have had bouts of anxiety and depression and unfortunately, it isn’t a logical disease. You can’t argue anxiety or depression away, even with the best arguments.

Reply
    Mary Charie - 08/08/2016

    Totally agree Maria, it’s something that you can easily fight with.

    Reply
Chris - 03/08/2016

Everyone needs a rock from time to time. Someone to share the burden and be there for them. That’s why solo travel can be hard…

Reply
    Mary Charie - 08/08/2016

    So true! Solo travel is fun and everything, but at some point you’ll feel lonely and wishing you have someone to share the stories and experiences.

    Reply
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